


Romance Is A Bonus Book

by Pick_Your_Poison



Category: Monsta X
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Books, Coming Out, Cute, Developing Relationship, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Library, Lovers, M/M, OT7, Pre-Relationship, Puppies, Showki, Strangers to Lovers, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:16:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 62,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pick_Your_Poison/pseuds/Pick_Your_Poison
Summary: Kihyun grew up trying to be the man his father wanted him to be instead of being himself. He thought he was a happy until we laid eyes on a gorgeous man....He eventually finds out the true meaning of a happy ending.If you enjoyed this please check out my partners works, we are currently working together so expect crossovers! ^^AU Series: Same universeRIABB - Showki POVThe Ornate Choker by GirlAhgase - Hyungwonho POVPuppy Palace by Kpop_Multi1028 - Jookhyun/Min POVHope you enjoy!
Relationships: Shownu/Kihyun - Relationship, showki - Relationship
Comments: 32
Kudos: 53
Collections: Monsta X AU





	1. World's Colliding

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is a re-write of an old chapter I created as i wanted to expand and change the story.  
> Song recommendation for this chapter is Bumkey - When I Saw You

Shownu slammed his laptop shut and tossed it aside, running his hands through his chestnut brown hair. It was already sticking up in odd places from the repeated movements. He rubbed his eyes, knocking his glasses askew. He was never going to be able to work with a faulty laptop. He leaned back on his sofa and groaned, he had barely been awake an hour and already his patience was being tested. He squished his laptop onto a free corner of his table, papers, bottles and food wrappers rustled in response. He had been living on his sofa over the weekend, mind consumed with work, desperate to get it uploaded so Starship would want to renew his contract at the end of the month. A songwriter is no use if they don’t write any good songs a little voice twanged at the back of his brain. He pushed the thoughts away, he had to make a living to survive and for now, this was perfect, as long as he submitted 25 songs a month, he would make enough money to live comfortably and that’s all that mattered. He had romanticised growing up and living in the city for so long that unfortunately, the reality didn’t live up to his expectations. He had found a nice enough area to live with a local park and library, but it wasn’t as close to work as he had hoped. 

The only available apartments were ground floor, so he didn’t get the stunning view of the city he had dreamed of and the only apartments in his price range have been tiny living spaces. He turned away from the window, eyes darting across the cream walls, the white wooden doors, and the pinewood floors. It was plain but nice enough and Shownu turned his attentions to his belongings. Except for the necessities such as a couch, bed, etc... he hadn’t really decorated the place. Maybe it’s because he worked from home or because of the lack of care but the apartment never felt like ‘Home’ to Shownu. Shownu smirked at the thought, a good friend of his always said ‘Home isn’t a place it’s a feeling’. He always thought that it was a workaholics excuse for living in his studio but maybe he was right. The sudden thought sparked ideas in his brain, Shownu was so thankful that when things went wrong in his life, he had a few people he could rely on. He pulled out his phone and began to type a message. Realisation quickly kicked back in, he knew how chaotic Monday’s were for them, he rarely responded to his mobile on a good day. He glanced back down at his phone 08:34 it read, not a chance Hoseok would be in any position to answer yet.

Shownu huffed, he was regretting the decision to not have his work emails on his phone, “Got to have work, life balance you know?” he had said to the staff. He scoffed at the thought, that didn’t happen. The only choice now was to go to the library, they had rows of computers he could use. Shownu knew it was local, had passed it on the bus many times but had never actually entered. Without much thought, he quickly washed up. He dressed in a fitted white t-shirt and blue jeans that snuggled into his every curve and hung beautifully. Presents from Hoseok’s old collection, gifts from him were rare but he earned these. Grabbing an old, worn black jacket from the back of a chair he trudged out, slamming his door shut behind him. The cool air whipped around him as he walked, he put his AirPods in as he was passing by the bus stop, he followed the main road until he got to his destination.

From the outside, the local library looks like it's seen better days, dirty white walls in need of repair but on the inside it was beautiful. High ceilings, with large windows and ornate white windowsills topped with small flowering plants. The battered desks and chairs were made comfortable by brightly coloured scatter cushions. Each computer was neatly set in a row, waiting to be used, many aisles of large, oak bookcases stretched the length of the building. There were some sofas sitting against the back wall. The library was silent as Shownu entered, he looked over at the round desk, a small computer sat in the corner but there was nobody by it. He passed a couple of displays with bright pictures and advertisements. Stopping at a little machine placed in front of the desk, Shownu crouched down slightly to be at eye level with its screen. Technology was not Shownu’s forte, but it was obvious it wanted him to scan a library card, he found the options to create one. The instructions were simple, but it still took Shownu longer than expected to fill out the form especially when he wasted time pondering whether to use his actual name or his chosen name. He finally clicked complete and in a few whirls the machine dropped a card from the lower slot. Shownu took it, audibly thanking the little machine and wandered over to the first available computer. He scanned the bar code on his new library card and finally, he had access to everything he needed to work again. He finally managed to fall back into his work, the new GOT7 song blaring through his AirPods.

A trolley rattled past, Shownu wrapped up in his work barely registered his surroundings. An error breaks his focus, he leans back exasperated, inhales deeply and is distracted by a soft floral scent. Not knowing what to do, he looks around, there was a trolley placed at the edge of an aisle. That wasn’t there earlier he thought, he scowled slightly and craned his neck to see if he could see the librarian. Frustrated he spun back around in his chair, he started clicking buttons furiously, banging on the keyboard. Instead of solving the one error message that had popped up he had now created several more. He threw himself back in his chair, ripped his AirPods out abandoning them on the desk, threw an arm up in the air and clicked his fingers. The loud snap sound rang out, echoing in the silent library.

*********************************************

His alarm rung loudly. Kihyun dragged himself up out of the tangle of bed sheets. 5 am. On the dot. Kihyun doesn’t really like early morning but he does love the library. It became his second home throughout his years at university. He had befriended the elderly owner and began working part-time not out of necessity but because he enjoyed being there, it was his quiet, safe place to study and relax. As the years passed Kihyun took more responsibilities around the library and at his graduation party, Mr. Kim had announced his retirement. Kihyun was crest-fallen until he realised that he was being asked to take over, Kihyun’s father was so pleased with the prospect of him having a ‘respectable job’ he agreed on the spot to buy Kihyun an apartment as close to it as possible. Even though his degree was in performing arts, Kihyun had been handed an apartment and a job on a silver platter. It was an offer he couldn’t refuse. The library had always been his happy place, so he never pursued his dreams or looked for anywhere else and before he knew it seven years had passed, and he was still getting up at five in the morning. He double-checked his appearance in the mirror, messy brown curls sat upon a round little face, with crescent mood eyes and a pointed nose. He pouted then smiled, pulling faces at himself, finally twiddling his hair. Why did he ever get a perm? He tried to do something drastic, make himself more attractive and look younger but he just hated it. He felt like it made him look even geekier and any potential date was ruined by the fact he was a librarian and everyone he met assumed he was boring by association.

He collected up his phone and a large bunch of keys, kissed Versace, his cat, and left his apartment. He bowed politely to the security staff as he made his way to the elevator. He sleepily clicked at the buttons and stared at the silver walls, a constant reminder that he didn’t earn his accommodation or social status. He knew he shouldn’t complain, most people would kill for the opportunities he has had but he felt in constant debt to his father and because of that connection, he could never grow into the man he is. He was stuck pretending to be the man his father wants him to be. He finally exited the building with another polite bow to the security guard outside. The air was brisk and cool, and the sun was rising. None of this mattered to Kihyun who was thinking only of burying himself into a good book, silently at the back of the library. He got on the bus, it was silent and empty at this time of the morning which meant he could stare absentmindedly out the window.

Kihyun hopped off the bus, he had begun to wake up at last. He unlocked the solid door and pushed it open. The sun shone brightly through the windows, that banked the whole left wall. The light illuminated the romance novel section, he laughed to himself. He was a book lover, which meant he loved the idea that signs could come from anywhere. Thus far however none of his signs had ever been real. He began his daily chores, fluffing pillows, polishing desks, watering the plants. With the library in good order, he flicked the window sign to ‘Open’, switched on the sign-in machine and he retreated to the back corner and settled himself down, quietly singing to himself. He had no idea how much time had passed but the sudden bang of the heavy wooden door disrupted his peace. He stood up and peered around the bookshelves. A tall, brown-haired man was squatting slightly using the sign-in machine. Kihyun admired his side profile, he first noticed messy brown hair but was distracted by a sharp jawline, a white t-shirt hugged his arm muscles and then Kihyun eyes dropped lower, tight jeans struggling around the man’s thighs and complimenting a round booty. Kihyun felt his cheeks flush and scuttled away back into his corner. He sat for a while, pretending to read, waiting for the embarrassment to fade. He heard a computer starting up and breathed a sigh a relief. Collecting up his trolley he began returning books to their homes, about halfway through a patterned book caught his eye. It was beautiful. Pink hues adorned with delicate flowers. He quietly manoeuvred the trolley, careful not to disturb the visitor. Strolling past he got a better look at the man; he was doubled over the computer exposing broad shoulders. Kihyun’s breath hitched as he had thoughts of running his fingers lightly across those shoulders and stroking down his back…He quickly turned into the aisle, trolley cluttering clumsily. He began placing the books back into order meticulously, trying to avoid any eye contact with the man.

When a sudden sharp sound disturbed him, he turned and stepped out of the aisle. The man’s well-sculpted arm was up in the air, fingers still curled from the click. His attention still on the computer screen, Kihyun turned in disbelief and slowly approached. "Is there a problem Sir?" He said smiling politely, waiting for him to turn and talk to him. The man didn’t, he just waved his arms manically ‘It’s just not working’ he fumbled, turned the opposite direction, pushed his chair back and wandered off into the library. Irritated by his informal language and lack of respect, Kihyun sighed. He sat down and within a few clicks the computer was working again, he looked around the library for the rude man. "Excuse me?" Said Kihyun to no one in particular, he huffed. He began wandering around the library in search of the strange guest. As he turned, he saw the man standing in the Romance section, holding a book. His breath hitched; the man was gorgeous. A soft button nose and small fluttering eyelashes. "Looking for love?” Kihyun joked to lighten the mood but received nothing except a blank stare. "Sir, Can I help you?" Kihyun clarified, looking at the man expectantly a slight smile on his face. “I think so...?” The man finally stuttered, making eye contact. Big, brown, almond eyes stared back at him and soft plump lips lifted slightly at the sides into an uneasy smile, he could have stared into them all day. Only broken out of his revere by the sound of a book hitting the floor.  
*********************************************  
He looked down at the short man in front of him, with sharp, intelligent, deep hazel eyes. Stunned, he managed to mumble “I think so…?” but couldn’t find the breath to continue it was like his lungs had stopped working. He attempted a feeble smile and felt his palms getting clammy, at that point the book he was holding slipped from his grasp and hit the floor. Both men reacted too quickly, bending down to collect up the book banging their heads together in the process. Shownu steadied himself but realised that the smaller boy had toppled over. Shownu guffawed loudly, offering a hand to the boy. He shoved it away, raising an eyebrow at Shownu. The polite smile the boy had worn earlier had vanished, he stood back up brushing at his trousers and cardigan. Shownu watched transfixed as he smoothed out his clothing neatly. He was beautiful, Shownu’s mind had gone blank he was watching the boy intently drinking in his every movement. He had a petite frame, curly brown hair hung around gorgeous eyes. "What exactly are you looking for?" the boy snapped as he retrieved the fallen book. Shownu felt his ears going red as the space between them was suddenly reduced. He breathed deep inhaling the soft scent again and searched for his voice, “Can you help me?" He said calmly, his gaze fixed on the boy. Kihyun still bent down, looked up and met his gaze, Shownu’s heart stopped completely, this time his smile reached his eyes. The boy’s features softened as he stood up, beaming back at Shownu. "You need to be more specific" he giggled, his soft round cheeks turning pink. Shownu stared blankly, he had never seen such a cute man. "Sir?" he gestured to the book in his hand. It was a hardback book with a soft fabric cover in the colour of the rainbow and golden letters shimmered in the light. “Is…is this the sort of thing you’re looking for?” Shownu dragged his eyes away from the boy to fully look at the book for the first time, he panicked instantly. “Oh no! no! definitely not, urm actually Economics” he said scratching the back of his head, great now he’s going to think you’re straight! A voice hissed in the back of Shownu’s head. "Ah, romance and economics aren't usually in the same section, come with me" he waved a delicate hand and turned on his heel, he glided across the library. Shownu slowly followed but quickly caught up, the height difference meant he could take one step for two of his. They quickly turn into another row of books. This area had a different vibe to it, much more formal surrounded by towers of green, blue and black. "Here you are," he said, bowed politely and slowly floated away. Shownu watched him, he moved with such grace and elegance, it was hard not to stare. He had sudden shivers down his spine he shook them off, retrieved a book and returned to the desk.

The computer was ready and waiting for him, he placed the useless textbook next to him and began typing furiously on the computer. Either trying to push the boy from his mind or eternalise him in lyrics, he wasn’t sure which. He clicked submit, the deadlines had been met. He could relax, he opened his emails and began typing one to Hoseok, he was hopeful if he let him know about his situation, he may answer his phone on occasion. A familiar scent passed by him; images of the cute librarian filled his mind. He felt his ears burn, he could hear soft thuds from behind him followed by a quiet and peaceful voice singing gently. He gave into the urge and turned to face the librarian, watching as he happily tidied his bookshelves. Shownu propped his elbow on the keyboard and cupped his cheek with his hand, fully giving in to the need to stare. The boy bends down to slot book into a gap on the lower shelf. His shirt shifted upwards exposing his hip, Shownu stared at soft, white flesh and the waistband of tight jeans. At that exact moment, the boy turns and makes eye contact. Shownu twists round in a panic, he felt the warmth spread as his ears and neck turned crimson. He looked at the wrecked email, he clicked send in a daze and grabbed his jacket and the book and fled the library. His cheeks burning and his head hung low.

*********************************************  
Kihyun smirked to himself, as he pulled his revealing shirt back down. This guy had been sending messages the whole time but Kihyun had been certain, when he looked round, he was checking him out. The image of the broad man’s intense stare as his tongue flitted across his bottom lip burnt into Kihyun’s mind as he slowly pushed the trolley to the back of the library. He had been so distracted he hadn’t heard the man leave and only realised as the familiar thud of the door closing echoed around the library. He looked back at the dishevelled desk with a sigh, he was so nearly a perfect ten. He wandered back humming to himself gently, he began to tidy up the work space when he realised the book was no longer there. He thought he would have noticed the machine beeping as he checked out, or was he that lost in a dream?  
He wandered back round to the main desk, as a group of students wandered in, they bowed politely and dispersed into different areas of the library. He was used to students, he welcomed them, he wanted it to continue to be a safe space for others, but they didn’t come without complications. Always getting too noisy, too messy and he had to scrape more than one burnt out student off their sofas. There had been no books checked out that day, he sighed. That’s another point lost, a book thief. He made a note of his desktop of the missing economics workbook so his part-timers would know to look out for it if the cute guy ever came to return it that is. He leant on the counter letting his mind wander…

The students were finally gone, silence finally encapsulating the library once again. He flitted around here and there cleaning up any evidence of guests and found himself standing at the counter, staring at the front door once again. He shook his head and tutted at himself, how can someone he had all of ten minutes interaction with be having such an effect on him? There was only one way to distract himself now, puppies. The very thought brought a huge grin to his face. He shuffled round, grabbing his belongings. Looking at the time, only five o clock. Kihyun froze, chewing at his bottom lip. The guy obviously wasn’t coming back and it’s only an hour. Kihyun decided his mental state was more important, they weren’t very likely to get any more customers today anyway. He pulled the heavy doors shut locking them tightly and walked away.

*********************************************


	2. Worlds apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now they’ve met they can’t get the other off their mind... 
> 
> Also introducing puppy cafe owner Minhyuk!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Recommendation: A.C.E - Slow Dive

The heavy door clunked shut behind Shownu, the cool breeze washed over him as he began marching home. He was still hyper-aware of his flushed cheeks and red ears could still feel the embarrassment burning in his heart. He walked with no real purpose or sense of direction, his thoughts jumbled, and he was indecisive. “Lee Hoseok” he muttered and came to a sharp halt. He hadn’t noticed his phone in his was still in his hand, he took a deep breath, finger lingering over the call button. A man bumped into him, jerking his shoulder forward and dragging Shownu’s mind back to earth. He dialled quickly, “Hey it’s” is all he managed to get out as he slipped down a curb, sending his phone spiralling to the ground. He felt as if his lungs had gone with it, he looked down at the back of his phone, he cautiously bent down and picked it up, slowly turning it over. Revealing the screen, no cracks. He breathed a sigh a relief. He stepped up the curb carefully, pressing call once more “Hey it’s me” he said when suddenly the ending tone beeped in his ear obnoxiously. He pulled his phone away from his ear agitated, he was gripping the phone so tightly this time his palm was crushing in the lock button, ending the call. He turned and bounded down the steps, desperate to be hidden inside his apartment. He felt the flush travel from his ears down and across his neck, cheeks still burning.

He threw his jacket and keys down haphazardly and tried again. Third time lucky he mused. “Hello, you’re through to Wonho’s Design House, this is Dan-I speaking, how can I help?” said a soft, warm and familiar voice. Shownu felt his pulse begin to calm. “Hey, it’s me, Son Hyunwoo, I-is he in today?” he winced at his voice, why was he suddenly a stuttering mess? Dan-I giggled the other side of the receiver and sighed loudly. “Has he still not given you the number direct to his office?” She said kindly. Dan-I began working for Hoseok after she got married and Shownu was so thankful for her, she kept him organised and healthy. She was always willing to go above and beyond her job role, and nothing was ever a bother. Shownu was incredibly grateful for her over the years. “No, I’m too much of a distraction apparently and he doesn’t answer his mobile” another giggle answered him. “Just a minute!” she chimed and the line went silent. His heart had finally stopped battering against his ribcage, he placed a hand on his now cool cheek and sighed in relief. “Hey, What’s up? I’m a busy man you know?” the sing-song voice washed over Shownu; he could see the man’s toothy grin just from his tone. “Shownu, what the hell was that e-mail you sent earlier? It doesn’t make any sense?” his hearty chuckle was so soft and cute. He was finally completely at ease, the words started tumbling out incoherently. He found himself rambling about deadlines, laptops, clumsiness, libraries, soft smells, distracting librarians, gorgeous brown eyes…  
Hoseok stopped him in his tracks. “Buddy you aren’t making a lot of sense, slow down, are you saying the librarian was cute? Was she pretty?” Shownu’s voice hitched, words stuck in his throat. ‘She’, of course, Hoseok had met and known all Shownu’s exes and thus far they had been female. After a long conversation after the last relationship ended in tears and heartbreak, Hoseok had suggested maybe he hadn’t found the right girl because his soul mate was a guy. Shownu, however, had rejected all the men Hoseok had put forward as potential suitors so it was only natural to presume, he would be all tongue-tied over a female. He hesitated, he could hear Hoseok’s breathing on the phone, waiting for him to respond.

Shownu took a deep breath. Hoseok knew him better than anyone and supported and loved him unconditionally. They became friends because of Hoseok’s easy-going, non-judgmental attitude. He had always aspired to be more like him, always admired him and been a bit envious of how effortlessly attractive he was. “No, no, not a she. A He. He was…” he spluttered, his mind drifting back to a pointed nose and soft round cheeks. “He was what?” he heard Hoseok whine impatiently. There was no shock in his voice, just love and a need for information. “Ethereal” he finally said. He heard Hoseok’s chuckle, could picture his grinning face, almost hear him taunt I told you so. “When are we meeting for lunch?” the man's voice rung out, always thinking about food, smirked Shownu. One of the few things they had in common. Except Shownu loved sweets but Hoseok wouldn’t ingest anything that could threaten his perfect physique. “Sometime this week? You let me know when, you’re the one with a bustling career” Shownu said, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Sounds good” the man’s voice sounded more distant now like he had begun wandering around his studio, “oh, send me a bloody email I can read!” he shouted, laughing wildly before he hung up. The e-mail. He had pressed send so hurriedly he hadn’t even looked at it. He threw himself back on the sofa, finally feeling a sense of serenity. This was broken by the green book laying on the table in front of him. The book. He grumbled loudly, he was rude, embarrassed himself numerous times and instead of speaking to the attractive boy he had fled the scene and now he had stolen his book. He remembered the forlorn look on the boy’s face when he had dropped the book earlier if that behaviour was anything to go by, he was in big trouble. He scraped himself off the sofa, shrugging on his jacket.  
*********************************************  
The only place to go after a day like today was Minhyuk’s puppy palace. His best friend’s café was his happy place, cute puppies to play with, divine drinks and cakes and most importantly a trusting, comforting shoulder to lean on any time of day. His body was moving as if on autopilot, he saw the building in the distance. From the outside it looked like any other shop, fitting neatly into the high street. The frosted windows hiding the wonderland inside, the red paw print sign was swinging in the wind above the door. He pushed the door gently; it was considerably lighter than the old wooden library doors. The bell above the entrance rung out as he shut the door securely behind him, he spun round and froze. “Min, what the fuck?” is all he managed to garble.

Minhyuk was hastily mopping the back wall, at the sound of his voice, he dropped the mop with a clatter and ran to hug Kihyun. Kihyun scanned the area over his friends’ shoulder, he knew Minhyuk could be chaotic and irresponsible, but he had never seen the café like this. Everything was askew, the floor was littered with sugar, broken pieces of china and a dark brown liquid was splashed across the floor and wall, he hoped it was coffee. To the right of Minhyuk the till area was a war zone, dirty cups and plates covered every available surface, rolls of till receipts had been shredded on the floor. Chairs had been knocked over and tables were placed haphazardly, pushed into the corner was a broken table, the top half snapped off completely. Kihyun’s eyes widened in panic, he ran to the left-hand side of the store, staring into the puppy pen. He should have known, Minhyuk can be childish but he always has his priorities in order. The ten puppies were all snoring contently on the array of pillows and blankets around the room. Their toys all neatly packed away, and the bowls neatly arranged and filled to the brim. Kihyun took a sharp turn left, hanging his coat and bag in the staff room, returning a few seconds later, rolling up his sleeves. He strolled past Minhyuk who had continued his battle against the coffee-stained wall, he heard him sigh with relief as he began filling the sink. “Thank you, Kiki” he said, smiling over at him. “My pleasure” he responded. He would often show up without warning and scrub the café until it gleamed just for a distraction.

Once he was in the zone there was no time for conversation, he found himself fluttering here and there tidying as he went, coordinating with Minhyuk like a well-oiled machine. Soon the café was back in working order, “Thank you again, Ki, this would have taken me ages” Minhyuk said as he flipped the sign on the door, so it read ‘CLOSED’. They both entered the puppy pen wordlessly, where they plonked themselves down into adjacent beanbags, watching the puppies sleep. Kihyun watched them, little feet twitching in their sleep, tiny adorable snuffly sounds filled the silence as they began to snore. “They’re really calming, aren’t they?” Minhyuk finally spoke, breaking Kihyun from his daze. Kihyun turned to look at Minhyuk his sparkling eyes were fixed on Kihyun, a grin plastered on his face. He lifted a hand and brushed his soft black hair from his eyes, eyebrow raised, beckoning a response. “Y-y-yeah, I needed this today” Kihyun responded, sinking further down into his seat, closing his eyes. He could feel Minhyuk’s expectant gaze on him, he tilted his head back as if it was a valid answer. “What happened here anyway?” He half-opened one eye, watching Minhyuk. “Well, it’s been a pretty busy day and then Jackson and the boys were here and between them and the puppies running riot, the place kind of got trashed” he had a grin on his face as he chuckled slightly like he was reminiscing. “And the table?” Kihyun’s turn to raise his eyebrow. “Like I said Jackson and the boys were here!” he giggled loudly this time, a few of the puppies began to stir because of the noise. Kihyun still found it hard to wrap his brain around the fact that ordinary Minhyuk had an array of idols as his regulars, but when you have a private, one of a kind café, you kind of expect to attract them. “You should tell them to be more respectful, are they paying for the table?” Kihyun could hear the stress in his voice, knew it was pictured on his face. Minhyuk was soft and pure, as you’d expect a guy all puppies loved to be but that also meant he was easily manipulated. “Of course not!” Minhyuk exclaimed, swatting Kihyun on the back of the head. He turned and gave him a death-stare, “oh come on! They offered, of course, they did! But it’s not like they meant to break it!” pleaded Minhyuk, “and they were very respectful, Jackson knelt on my floor and bowed to me!” he stated aggressively pointing at himself. “These idols need a safe space to let off steam and I’m happy to provide that” Kihyun just tutted in response, the last thing idols needed were more people treating them like royalty. “Celebrities are human too” he muttered. Minhyuk shoved him playfully and he slid back-wards, colliding with the wall. “You are so uptight Ki! You need to get laid!” Kihyun felt the flush travel across his neck and up to his ears, his cheeks got hotter and he felt his pulse quicken at the thought of large broad shoulders and full lips invaded his mind.

“Ohhh… Kihyun, do you, have someone in mind?” Minhyuk looked at him in awe. “You do! You look like a tomato, oh my, tell me, tell me, tell me!” he bounced out of his seat with excitement, he always read Kihyun like an open book, something he both loved and hated about their relationship. “No, I don’t!” Kihyun lied, his tone a little too harsh. “Oh yes you do, don’t lie to me Yoo Kihyun, who is he?” Minhyuk beamed, he had thrown himself around so he was sitting elbows dug into the beanbags, his palms holding his face. His smile touched his eyes that were full of mischief. His movement had disturbed the puppies, and some were be-ginning to rouse from their sleep. “You never shut early and come here unless it’s a big deal, I got so distracted with the mess I forgot to ask” he giggled to himself, Kihyun watched the boy in disbelief, couldn’t he be oblivious just this once? “Well, I’m taking your silence as agreement. So, who is he?” Kihyun, returned his smile shyly, unable to look him in the eye. He knew he could trust Minhyuk with his life, but he was too honest, too crude and too invasive at times. Kihyun was raised in an incredibly conservative household, sharing the gritty details of one’s love life never came easy, especially since he never found the courage to come out to his parents. He pulled himself back into the beanbag, finally raising his eyes, looking deep into Minhyuk’s own pools of chocolate, where Kihyun had expected to see judgement and pressure he only saw love and support. He huffed, “there honestly isn’t anyone though Min, not like that anyway” he saw the other boy's mouth twitch into a smirk. “There isn’t!” he protested, “There was an extremely hot guy that came in today, but he was also rude and clumsy and irritating…. And he stole a book!” Minhyuk hitched his eyebrow up again and whistled low. “I didn’t know you were into bad boys” Kihyun threw a pillow at him, it collided with the side of his head. Silencing him. He stared at Kihyun shocked for a second before retaliating with two pillows of his own.

The two boys fought like children, waking the rest of the puppies with their shrieks and laughter. They fought until they were lying on the floor, breathless both admitting defeat. Puppies clambering all over them, nipping at their hands and licking their faces. Finally, wiping tears from his eyes, Kihyun managed to speak “Thank you so much Min, I needed this” he reached out and held his friends’ hand, the boy returned the sentiment with a reassuring squeeze. Once they had tided the mess that they had made, Kihyun insisted and settled the puppies down for the night they moved into the seating area of the café, sitting at a small round table sipping tea. “Seriously though Ki, you need to put yourself out there, date again. You said he was hot, describe him to me” Kihyun frowned, looking up at the signatures on the wall absentmindedly, there was a new one he didn’t recognise. “Who’s that?” he stated, pointing. Minhyuk grinned again, “a new band. A.C.E they call themselves, great English, they’ll be successful I can feel it” Kihyun just smiled back at him, he was every boy band’s biggest fan. “So, don’t change the subject, describe him” he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms signalling to Kihyun he wasn’t going to back down. Kihyun shut his eyes for a moment as if the image of the man wasn’t already permanently imprinted in his brain. “Well, he was tall, had fluffy brown hair, an adorable stutter, really muscular body, a small mouth but his lips were so full…” his voice trailed off with a sigh as he gazed towards the door. “You at least need to try and ask him out,” Minhyuk said gently, placing his hand on top of Kihyun’s. his thumb gently caressing his knuckles.  
********************************************  
Shownu pulled his coat around him, A shiver ran down his spine. It had gotten considerably colder since his walk home earlier in the day. This is all your fault, he thought. Staring down at the book tucked under his arm. Why did he even say economics? What impression does that give? He knew nothing about economics! Yet, it gave him a good excuse to return to the library. He had double-checked the opening times with a quick Naver search. He had left as quickly as he could, he figured going as close to closing time would have been best. It would be quieter and maybe he could explain his earlier actions to the boy. He rounded the corner and came face to face with the big beautiful building. He hesitated slightly, swallowed hard and strode up to the door. Looking in through the windows the library looked dark and desolate, he tugged at the handle to be sure. Locked. He was certain he wasn’t too late, he looked down at his phone, 17:34 was illuminated back at him. He stared at the empty library and stepped back exasperated. He tutted to himself, just my luck he thought, running his hands through his hair. So close, yet so far. As he turned to leave, a glimmer on the wall caught his eye. He moved closer inspecting a silver plaque secured onto the wall, ‘BOOK DROP OFF’ was embossed into it a hatch need to it. At least this trip wasn’t a complete waste of time he thought, he opened the hatch but found himself resistant to drop the book in. So close, yet so far, his mind wandered back to those sweet brown eyes. He had been clumsy, rude and fled at the first chance of a connection and yet the boys captivating smile still invaded his mind. He should return the book in person, at very least to apologise. He closed the hatch slowly, he’d come back tomorrow, it was only polite. Yes, politeness was the only reason to see the cute librarian again a little voice in his head taunted. Maybe it was a chance meeting, maybe it was fate he wondered. Maybe, just maybe Hoseok had been right. It had been years since someone had affected Shownu like this, nothing ventured, nothing gained he thought. He needed to voice his decision, set it in stone so he couldn’t back out.  
To: Hoseokie  
I’m going to ask him out.

He waited a few moments before returning his phone to his pocket, it didn’t take much to inspire and distract Hoseok, so he knew not to expect an answer. He trudged home, his brain a jumbled mess, over-analysing every word he had spoken today. Failing miserably at trying to distract himself from the librarian. The rain began to fall again, as he hopped down the steps and ran into his apartment. He threw himself back against the closed door, chuckling loudly. Here he was risking it all in the cold weather to go and see someone he barely knew. What was it about that librarian that was so addictive? He grinned to himself. It might have something to do with his cute little butt or his electrifying gaze. He began to wonder if the librarian was somewhere thinking about him too, he hoped in the same context and not just as a book thief. His heart stung a little, he decided he actually needed to distract himself this time. He was falling into this rabbit hole too quickly; he had no indication the librarian had any interest in him at all. The thought hurt him some more. Either way, he had to go back to the library to work. He washed up and flopped into bed, his mind still consumed with the boy. What was his name? he wracked his brain trying to remember whether the boy was wearing a name badge. Memories of tight dark jeans and snowy white skin blocked his way. He laid staring at the ceiling listening to the rain patter on his windowpanes. Relaxing, he felt his eyes begin to droop. A sudden light buzz in the darkness disturbed his stupor. 

From Hoseokie  
Trust you to fall for an angel, I’m looking at more of a devil myself. Let me know how it goes.

Shownu blinked rapidly, eyes squinting against the backlight, 02:12 the phone read. Shownu smirked, oh Hoseok who have you got under your spell now? He sighed, he wished he could have even half of his confidence and magnetic aura. He never had trouble attracting lovers, although he was oblivious to their advances, unlike Shownu who seemed to scare them off. He groaned audibly as the image of him clicking his fingers painfully returned. He threw his phone to the side, he needed to sleep, needed tomorrow to come quickly so he could see him again. Needed his heart to stop beating so hard, and finally, with thoughts of wrapping a small, delicate boy in his arms and kissing soft, rosy lips he drifted off to sleep.  
********************************************  
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay and talk about it?” Minhyuk said softly as Kihyun but-toned his coat. He tried not to look up at the boy’s sad puppy eyes, he knew it would hurt further. “Nothing to talk about Min. A guy was rude, checked me out, stole a book and you give terrible advice” he muttered “it’s pretty open and close” Minhyuk’s mouth twitched, the corners of his mouth turning upwards. “What?” Kihyun demanded, he knew Minhyuk well enough, he could see it on his face. He scrunched his nose up, making his eyes crinkle at the side as he huffed waiting for a response. The rain that had begun light was gradually getting heavier, hammering on the windows. “You have never let anything interfere with that library and yet you came here early,” he said eyes turning dark and serious. “and don’t say it was just an hour or deflect and say you’re anxious over some stupid economics textbook, we both know that means nothing to you!” Kihyun opened his mouth to protest but Minhyuk cut him off. “This is about the guy. This could be THE guy, your fairy tale prince but you are too scared to even try…”, his words were like poison to Kihyun, “and you’ve been alone for so long its about time you dated… I’m sorry I know I’m rambling, but you know I’m right!” Minhyuk said firmly.

Kihyun knew he could always count on Min to be the honest and up-front friend, even at the worst of times. Kihyun knew he should respond, had to agree, nothing he had said was wrong, but he couldn’t get the words to form. Couldn’t find the courage to speak, he felt the annoyance like a prickle all over his skin. “You think it’s that easy? That I’m just a coward, I’m not you Min, I can never be happy like you. You just don’t under-stand!” he shrieked, ‘alone for so long’ the words stung like he was twisting a knife into his heart. He hadn’t dated anyone, at least not openly since college. His parents were putting more pressure on every year for him to settle down with a nice girl, throwing blind dates and family friends at him every time he saw them. He could never tell them the truth, his father would disown him, he was sure of it. His father was an influential man, he’d lose everything and thus far no man had ever been worth his library. He felt the hot tears running down his cheeks, the anger bubbling up inside. “Ki…ki I’m sorry. Come upstairs and stay with me to-night… please?” Minhyuk’s face was full of concern and care, his eyes searching for Kihyun’s. “No, I’d rather be alone, I’m good at that.” He snapped, the bell dinging wildly behind him as he slammed the door and strolled out into the heavy downpour outside.

Kihyun hadn’t realised how late it had gotten as he tried to navigate his way to the bus stop with little light and his glasses spattered with raindrops. He eventually ducked under the bus shelter, safe from the onslaught, the rain was only getting heavier and he was already soaked through. His brain tormented him his entire bus ride home, images of Minhyuk’s pained face as he stormed out and a man’s broad shoulders kept interrupting his reading. He dragged his tired body home, only stopping to bow to the security guards at the doors. The elevator seemed to take forever, he stared at his drenched reflection. He was soaked, his coat dripping onto the floor, his glasses were fogged up, his hair flat onto his forehead. At least his hair was finally flat, he thought, every cloud has a silver lining. He entered his apartment, a soft bell jingled in the distance and then he felt the warm presence of Versace at his ankles. He bent down to stroke her “Hey baby, I missed you too” he cooed, she sniffed at his hand, hissed loudly and scuttled away. “maybe if you were more loving, I wouldn’t go to the puppies!” he screamed hysterically. The tears began falling once more, he was no longer trying to hold them back. He was screaming and shouting at a cat like they were a married couple. Damn, Minhyuk for always being right. He threw himself down onto his bed, scrunched himself up into a ball and cried into his blanket. He had been alone too long, he yearned to have someone by his side every day, but it was too risky, and he was too scared to try. Kihyun who was usually so meticulous had thrown his wet clothes on to the floor. He laid in bed crying until his head hurt as much as his heart, and he finally fell to sleep.  
********************************************


	3. Find You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Recommendation: The Rose - ILYSB  
> AN: Sorry this one is a bit long and full of backstory and creating character relationships. Saddle up for chapter 4, the showki begins!

Shownu found himself awake far too early, pacing around his apartment. The library didn’t open until eight and he needed to do something to calm his nerves in the meantime. He sat on his sofa with a pen and a writing pad, work was always the answer. He stared out the window as the sunlight began to trail through. Warm beams of yellow and orange filling his living room. He smiled to himself, jotting down lyrics here and there on the page. He glanced down, it was as jumbled as his brain, random clusters of words here and there, all bits of songs. His eyes flickered across them, drinking them in…. even his distraction was drifting back to his heart. He mumbled the lyrics out; ‘Too beautiful to handle’, ‘I breathe only for you’ all usable lyrics he thought, messy and out of context but they could work. He focused on the bottom of the page, ‘He’s the one, got me all messed up’, ‘I really really wanna love you’, he smirked they weren’t even poetic anymore, just honest. As he couldn’t get the cute boy out of his mind and his chest tightened with affection and nerves every time, he decided there was no effective method of distraction.

He clicked the shower on and let the warm water cascade over him, let his mind wander as he imagined soft fingertips trailing over his body instead. He shook his head trying to focus, he was getting a bit ahead of himself, he had barely said anything to the boy. Then realisation hit him, he had been so anxious to leave the house he hadn’t considered what he was actually going to say or do. He didn’t exactly make a good first impression, how he presented himself this time was important. He walked out the bathroom rubbing his hair furiously with a towel. Leaning forward, to look at himself in the steamed-up mirror he combed his hair flat. Staring at his face, he fixated in on all his little imperfections, shaking his head, now was the not the time to panic. He glanced over at the old make-up bag sitting abandoned in the corner, he used to use it every day when he was modelling, Hoseok insisted on it. If only he was here now, he’d know how to dress him perfectly he huffed. A memory of Shownu poking himself in the eye with a mascara wand and Hoseok coming to save the day playing in his mind, he smiled to himself softly.

Shownu shied away from the makeup, he didn’t want to make himself look worse and anyway he had already seen his bare face. His blank, confused, frustrated face, he smacked his palm against his forehand, groaning loudly as he recollected yesterday’s events. He tugged his jeans on and a simple black turtle-neck, he wanted to look good but not too overdressed for the library. He still needed to work, he reminded himself, and he had to use their computer for that. He stared at himself in the mirror, spinning this way and that, before decided that the jeans hugged him in the right places and the top made his arm muscles look big. He snapped a quick selfie and sent it to Hoseok, with the caption ‘Mission Boyfriend is a go’.

He smiled to himself, grabbing up his note-book and the accused book. He practically jumped up the steps as he left his apartment, the weather was colder today, the sun attempting to shine through dull, grey clouds. He was thankful he didn’t have far to go as a light rain began to fall, he smiled to himself, good thing he didn’t waste time on makeup after all. He turned the corner and the large building sudden-ly felt much more intimidating. This was it, time to dive in, he reassured himself, pushing forward he opened the large wooden door. The library was silent and considerably darker, the large windows displayed the gloomy landscape outside. He looked around the counter, empty again. He tapped his card on the machine audibly thanking it again and made himself comfortable at the same computer. He looked around the library as he waited for the computer to start-up, no sign of anyone else yet. He reminded himself how the angelic boy had appeared out of thin air yesterday, a smile spread playfully across his face as he began working.  
********************************************  
Kihyun awoke to his phone ringing manically, as quickly as the sound stopped it would ring again. He grumbled, nuzzling into his pillow. His head still hurt, his throat dry and his eyes stung. When the ringing persisted, he gave in and picked it up. His eyes widened in shock and he bolted upright at the sound of the man’s strict, harsh voice. “Yoo Kihyun, I have been ringing for hours, what is the meaning of this?” he snapped, Kihyun’s words were stuck in his throat a mixture of fear and confusion. “I-I’m sorry father, I must have overslept, I wasn’t feeling very well…” his voice broke, he tried to hide it with a feeble cough. He waited for the man to speak, when he didn’t Kihyun broke the silence, “I’ll get ready and go and open up right away” he croaked. “That won’t be necessary. Jinwoo is already there.” Kihyun gulped, Jinwoo was his trusted part-timer, he knew the library would be safe. There was a scuttle of noise down the receiver, he could hear his mother’s shrill voice in the background. “If you are sick you should take time off to rest, your mother insists” he almost spat the words, he wasn’t a reasonable man. He believed there was never an excuse not to be at work and you only got sick if you were reckless and foolish. Which, thinking back to his walk in the pouring rain, Kihyun was. “I will…” he stuttered “I’ll make arrangements for the rest of this week to rest” he could feel his father flinch down the phone and knew he wanted to protest that just today would be enough, but the sigh of relief from his mother kept him from expressing this. With empty well-wishes and I love you’s exchanged, he hung up. He flopped back onto the bed, looking at the time. 10:25, he hadn’t slept in this late in years.

He stretched, looking out of the window at the grey miserable sky. The rain was relentless, Kihyun wondered if it had stopped at all. He was grateful for the weather; it gave him an excuse to stay cooped up inside and no one would question him. He started to patter around the house, tidying up the mess he had made the day before. Versace came running after him rubbing around his ankles as he walked. “At least you love me,” Kihyun said, scratching her behind the ears and activating her purr. He decided he would spend that day on the sofa catching up on the latest episodes of a new drama. He switched the tv on, snuggling down on the sofa, and wrapped himself in a fluffy blanket and Versace insisted to join him, sitting in his lap pummelling happily. This is all I need, he thought. The happy family dynamic was overrated anyway.

He was happy to be alone. The words pricked at his heart, he needed Minhyuk he thought. He loved him, he was his best friend and had always accepted him. He reached out for his phone, but he knew Minhyuk would be busy at work at this hour, no point contacting him he thought. Kihyun needed to apologise for his behaviour and it was only right to do that in person when they were alone. He instead sent some emails to Jinwoo asking him to arrange cover between him and Sanha, and that he would see him next week. Kihyun found it hard to concentrate, he was overwhelmed with emotions. No matter how hard he tried to change himself, to look and act a certain way, he always seemed to disappoint his father. He had spent years never venturing out of his comfort zone to make him proud and it had gotten him nowhere. The pain and resentment swelled in his chest, Minhyuk had been right, he had never lived for himself and he was too scared to defy his father’s rules. To break out and become his own person, is what Kihyun had fantasied about for years but he never had the nerve to take the first step. He daydreamed lazily, imagining a life where he could wear whatever he wanted, he could go on dates and show off his boyfriend at family functions, where he was loved and adored just the way he was. His thoughts returned to broad shoulders, big muscular arms cuddling him tight, pouty lips leaving kisses all over his body. If only, he sighed as he drifted back to sleep.  
********************************************  
The slight rattle of a trolley caught Shownu’s attention and he turned instinctively. You look desperate the voice in his head tormented, he pushed the thought away. A man was pushing the trolley at the back aisle of the library, but Shownu knew instantly it wasn’t his angel. He was a head shorter than Shownu, but his frame was more muscular, and his fluffy brown hair was messier. He turned and made eye contact, bowing politely, a huge toothy grin plastered on his face, scrunching his cheeks up and turning his eyes into little crescents. Shownu returned the bow and a polite smile. He turned back to his computer; he should have guessed there’d be more than one staff member in the library. He sighed to himself a mixture of relief and disappointment before returning to his work. He vowed to come daily until he found him again, it was the only way.

He was distracted until he received a text from Hoseok, something was off. He could feel it. The message was an address and it simply read, 11 am Thursday. Shownu typed the address into Naver, there were hardly any images coming up, some of the outsides of the building, he clicked on an article and was met with a wide-eyed black-haired boy smiling holding several puppies. The owner he presumed, he read down it was a café that serves food drink with a designated section where you could play and cuddle with foster puppies. Forty-eight puppies had already found there forever homes through this service, he chuckled, was Hoseok suggesting they needed puppy cuddles or that they were the lost puppies looking for a forever too? That man’s double entendre’s were often hard to decipher. Shownu preferred to keep things simple and clear and the double meanings were usually lost on him, much to Hoseok’s entertainment. Focusing back on the address he realised it wasn’t far from the library, he typed back a short message of acceptance and finished up his work. He had decided to try and stretch his work out over the next four days, so he had something to do and didn’t look like a hungry tiger, prowling the library looking for his prey.

After a few hours, when he could no longer think of anything else to write he gave up and decided to go home. As he tidied himself up and walked out of the library, he sighed a mixture of disappointment and relief. He wanted to ask the staff member about the boy, but he hadn’t found the courage too. How would he start that conversation? Excuse me but where’s the other staff member? Short, cute butt… he cringed at the thought. He was always a bit clunky with words but could usually feign confidence. He had never been this tongue-tied, he just wanted to find out when he was in next and his name. As he walked home, he vowed not to give up, nobody had played on his mind this much. Ever. He was so intrigued, even if the boy rejected him. He had to try.  
********************************************  
Kihyun awoke startled, knocking Versace off the sofa. She hissed her displeasure and wandered off into the darkness. Kihyun sat up disorientated, his head still pounding. He looked down at his phone, 3:06 am. Goodbye Tuesday he thought, he had always lived by such a strict routine he hadn’t noticed how exhausted he was. He pattered over to the fridge, flicking the lights on, he took out his ramen from the fridge and flopped down at the table. He began eating, his headache was finally gone. I must have needed that sleep he thought, hazy images of him being a little spoon danced playfully in his mind. Maybe it’s a boyfriend I need. He looked down at his phone, one message from Jinwoo.

From: Jinwoo  
The library is still standing. We can cover this week but we’re back at Uni next week. Get well soon

Kihyun squinted down at the phone, he smiled weakly, Jinwoo was caring and understanding and put up with Kihyun’s perfectionism but he was still just a part-timer. Sanha was younger and slightly less trustworthy but as he was recommended by Jinwoo, Kihyun gave him a job. He was a nice enough boy, constantly full of energy and mischief though and Kihyun struggled to cope with him on a good day. He was grateful he didn’t have to stress about work, the boys had never let him down before. Usually, the library was Kihyun’s number one priority but ever since he bumped into that gorgeous stranger his whole world had been flipped upside down. He was worried about his future and his happiness; he had been neglecting himself for so long and the man's gaze had unlocked a piece of his soul. I need to see him again, Kihyun thought decisively. But how? The man had left his life as quickly as he had entered it and Kihyun had no idea who he was.

He huffed and sighed, usually when he felt turmoil like this and didn’t know what to do, he would go to Minhyuk. He had fallen asleep waiting for Minhyuk to finish work so he could call. Even though he knew he would answer, he didn’t think it would be reasonable to ring at nearly four in the morning. His heart ached, he had been over-emotional and out of line, he had been a terrible friend and taken all his frustration out on Minhyuk. Kihyun wasn’t worried about the radio silence from him, they’d been friends for so long, so Min knew to give Kihyun space to breathe when he was upset, knew he’d turn up asking for cuddles when he was ready. Kihyun sighed, he knew he had to apologise. He typed out a message:  
To: Minhyuk  
I’m sorry, you were right as always. I’ll come by Thursday to see you all <3

He breathed a sigh of relief, Minhyuk had always forgiven him but that didn’t stop the anxiety he would feel until they were face to face. He trudged back to bed, looking at the dark sky. The bright moon illuminated in the sky, “The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” he said to himself. He snuggled back into bed and a flame started to form in his heart. He decided he was going to spend Wednesday reinventing himself, he owed it to Min and himself. He grinned at the thought, picturing himself in his favourite designers’ clothes, and a red choker around his neck. All the styles he had ever dreamed of wearing flashing through his head as he dozed off once more.  
He awoke, full of life and energy. Playing music loudly and dancing around his apartment as he cleaned, he wasn’t going to be fearful anymore. He had decided that he was going to take the first step forward. He was going to rebel, but the thought alone did actually scared him. He threw his old blue coat on and left the house. Get ready world, the new Kihyun is coming for you.

After many hours had passed, he was finally back in the lift, squished in with a multitude of different shopping bags. This would have been way more fun with Min, he thought as he bustled through the door, the noise scaring Versace away. He dumped the bags down on his front room floor, grinning. He stepped back and looked at his haul. He run his fingers through his hair, he had had it cut so it was shorter and off his face between the rain and the cut his perm had been ruined and he was left with straight sleek hair. A small sparkly diamond shined in each ear, stage one of his rebellion, piercings. His father hated piercings of any kind, he thought they were trashy and a waste of money. Anyone that had money to waste adorning their body with jewellery was senseless and vain. He picked up a paper bag and moved into the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror, he laid out an array of new makeup.

Beautifully decorated eye shadow palettes, lip glosses, eyeliners and highlighters spread out in front of him. He chewed his lip nervously, picking up a brush he breathed deep. His father’s words rung in his mind again, ‘makeups only for actresses, no one should waste their hard-earned money to put on a fake face. If you were born ugly it was for a reason and you shouldn’t be lying to the world’. He laughed to himself, if only he knew Kihyun had been hiding behind a mask all his life, pretending to be something he wasn’t. He dipped his brush into the eye shadow and began playing around with the colours, creating a musky, smoky look. He stared at himself in the mirror, his eyes looked more intense, grown-up, dramatic. He smiled his genuine big smile, his eyes closing into little crescent moons and wrinkles appeared at the edges. Step two, complete. He stared down at another paper bags, opticians written across the front. He had always had glasses; it was part of who he was at this point. This had been the step he was most fearful of; his father didn’t agree with contacts. They were too expensive and once again he saw them as a cosmetic. Kihyun leaned forward blinking slightly, he had slid his glasses back on after doing his makeup. The frames covering his eye makeup completely and making him look young and geeky.

He took a deep breath, he took them off slowly, looking down at them lovingly one last time. With a sharp crack, he snapped them in half, discarding them into the bin. No going back now he thought, attempting to smile at his blurry reflection. He leant forward and popped the contacts in. He blinked rapidly as they adjusted to his eyes. He looked up at the mirror again, his vision finally crystal clear. He stared at himself in shock, between the hair, the makeup and the earrings he already looked so different. Step three complete. His eyes ventured down to his oversized cardigan and his brown trousers, he looked like an eighty-year-old trapped in a twenty-six-year old's body. He cringed, he was raised to be thankful for the clothes on his back regardless of what they looked like, they were better than nothing and they didn’t have the luxury to buy new clothes often. He strolled out into the front room, collecting up the rest of the shopping bags and retreating into his bedroom. Now the outfit. He rustled through the bags, putting on tight black jeans, with rips all down the front. Exposing little strips of white skin. He blushed; he had never been allowed to wear anything ripped. He emptied the bags slowly, folding the new clothes neatly beside him. He shrugged on a fitted black t-shirt and rolled the sleeves up slightly for good measure.

He didn’t have much muscle on his arms but what little he did have, was now on full display. He gazed at himself in the mirror, trying out different poses, he put his hands in his pockets trying to look sexy and nonchalant. He looked like a different person, no baggy jumper making him look small and fluffy. He looked fierce and sexy and he loved it. He was no longer a child, no longer living under his father’s rules, no longer trying to please others. This was for him. He grinned, he couldn’t wait to show Min. He glanced over at the last bag, tucked neatly on a chair in the corner. He chewed his lower lip; last time he had experimented with his hair it had ended badly but he had never dyed his hair before. “We’ll come back to you,” he said definitively, this was enough for one day. He sat on his bed, his eyes still drawn to the mirror and for the first time ever, he found himself wanting to take selfies, he snapped multiple pictures, trying out different poses, some he had seen models do and others that were more silly and fun. The flame that had ignited in his heart the night before was now burning bright. He couldn’t wait to see Minhyuk tomorrow and see his reaction. A little bit of doubt tugged at the back of his mind; he will love me no matter what he reassured himself.

********************************************  
Wednesday was the same boring routine, Shownu put slightly less effort into appearance, he hadn’t planned to stay long if his angel wasn’t there. He got his hopes up on the way there but was once again was disappointed to see the other man as he entered the library. “Oh hello, there’s never usually anyone at the counter,” he said bowing politely, the man returned it, with the huge smile returning. “oh, well the sofas are much comfier than these old desk chairs, so we tend to rest at the back,” he said rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, so that’s where he hid, he thought. He suddenly felt his cheeks darken. “The other day there was a boy here with glasses?” he cleared his throat nervously. The boy fidgeted nervously, “Ah that’s the boss, he isn’t in this week, why is there a problem?” his smile had faded completely. “Oh no! no not at all! I was a bit stressed and rude to him the other day and then I took a book and I wanted to offer him my apologies” he stuttered, quickly. The boy's smile returned, “ah economics textbook guy” he said knowingly with a giggle. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?” Shownu questioned. The boy still looked like a ray of sunshine so he figured whatever it was it couldn’t be bad. “Ah sorry! there’s a note here.” He giggled, turning and collecting something up from the counter. “here it is, ‘cute guy stole economics textbook, let me know if he brings it back” he read aloud holding the post-it note; delicate neat handwriting filled it, a little heart at the end. Shownu finally beamed back at the man, his cheeks pink. “Let him know his cute book thief is looking for him, will you?” he said, and the boy nodded and bowed politely as he turned and exited the building.

He felt proud of himself like he had achieved something, it wasn’t until he was halfway through his grocery shopping, it hit him. He didn’t ask his name nor did he get a definite day he would be at the library and he got confirmation that he considered him a book thief. The only upside of the day was the word ‘cute’.  
That evening he was musing, tapping his pencil against his pad. ‘cute’ still playing on his mind, he began to jot down lyrics, absentmindedly, ‘When I dream, I think of you, I try to erase you but it doesn’t work that well, My heart wants to keep seeing you, I hope that you know’ he smiled down, his eyes had begun to droop when his phone buzzed. A message from Dan-I reminding him that they had agreed to meet for lunch tomorrow. Shownu smiled down, always so organised Dan-I, and with that, he shuffled off to bed.

Shownu’s alarm woke him, stopping his dream abruptly, he pouted to himself before throwing himself out of bed, Dan-I would give him an earful if he was late and messed up Hoseok’s schedule. He threw on a basic outfit, knowing he would criticise it and left the house, he hopped up the stairs cheerfully. The clouds had finally cleared, after several days of downpour, the sun was finally shining brightly again. He wandered blissfully, lost in his daydream, up the high street when he saw the red paw print sign beckoning him in. The whole front window was frosted, adding to its mystique. He pushed the door and a bell rung out above him, he looked up confused at the sudden noise.

When he turned around, he was met with many expectant gazes, there was a herd of boys shifting around the back of the room surrounding a large, he counted six of them but there were eight chairs around the table. He turned towards the counter and met the gaze of a sweet-faced boy, with big bright eyes that were staring at him sternly. “you’re not a reporter, are you?” he said bluntly, not changing his expression, Shownu shook his head slowly and the boy’s expression instantly softened “come on in then!” he said cheerfully, waving his arm wildly. Shownu returned the smile shyly and went to find a seat, he settled at a smaller round table near the front of the store, where he sat and waited for Hoseok to finally arrive. Shownu got his pad out and began jotting down words here and there, the group at the back of the room had a nice vibe to them, cheerful and playful. Shownu gazed around the café, gleaming white walls, mostly empty apart from a menu board behind the counter and next to it a whole wall filled with black scribbles and doodles. The other side of the café was a pen, standing about thigh height, inside was beanbags, pillows and toys strewn everywhere. Two boys had abandoned the comfy options and were sleeping peacefully on the floor, cuddled up with several puppies each. Shownu, grinned, their vibe was much more relaxed and peaceful compared to the others, but it was clear they were here together. He liked the idea of having two juxtaposed styles together on one album, like a song about love and a song about heartbreak side by side.

As he began writing notes, the bell at the door rung wildly and a large figure suddenly stumbled through the doorway. The boy leapt over the counter stopping him at the door. Hoseok finally looks up from his phone, bewildered, much to Shownu’s entertainment. Shownu laughed loudly as Hoseok was released from the interrogations and made his way to sit opposite him. “I got asked too, looks like he has v.i.p’s in and is in protective mode” he stated and Hoseok grinned in response as the boy came to take their order. He bowed politely and said “sorry, can never be too careful when I’ve got idols in” and motioned towards the boys his eyes lingering on the young boys snoring gently on the floor of the puppy pen. Shownu followed his gaze and smiled at him understandingly, they were vulnerable here, then turning to Hoseok waiting for him to order. Hoseok ordered for them both, a simple iced coffee, Shownu protested asking for iced choco, when Hoseok gave him a strict look he added a healthy snack with an odd foreign name that he couldn’t pronounce. “So, what’s wrong?” Shownu prodded. He raised his eyebrow, and Hoseok let out a deep sigh. “Is it that obvious?” he attempted a smile, but it faded quickly. “You text me, personally, off your mobile, of course, it’s obvious,” he said, the concern apparent in his voice. “and serious” he added bluntly. Hoseok met his eyes, he looked hurt as he started to rant about his week.

Shownu sat back, just nodding now and then, letting him vent, his voice rising and cracking in different places. After a while, he gently patted Hoseok’s hand to get his attention “Shh” he said, frightened eyes were watching them from the back table and the puppies had moved closer to them, yapping at the fence. Maybe a puppy café wasn’t the best place to meet a powerfully built, agitated designer Shownu thought. He continued to watch his friend as he spoke, he hadn’t seen him this distressed, even after everything with Nina, the worst thing he did was eat junk food. Hoseok’s rant was interrupted by the boy bringing their drinks over, he placed an iced choco in front of Shownu, winking at him as he left. “So how many days now?” Shownu said, filling the silence, hoping to get a coherent answer this time. Hoseok looked at him, he blinked, his eyes droopy and sad. “It’s been two days. His phone is off and when Dan-I rings the company, all they say is he has no schedule and appointments cannot be booked at this time” Shownu looked at his deep frown, he knew he had to reassure him but it wouldn’t be easy, Hoseok was always lost in the wonderland that was his mind. Once he was fixated on something, he would rarely listen to Shownu’s advice. “It’s only been two days. The company wants you to dress him so he will be back” he sighed, Hoseok’s forlorn and vulnerable atmosphere didn’t match him physically at all. “I know you struggle with being powerless, but you just have to wait like he asked you” he reached over the table, grabbing his hand. Giving it a strong, soothing squeeze. Hoseok met his eyes, he smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Thank you, my friend,” he said and Shownu returned the smile brightly.

Whoever this man was he already had Hoseok wrapped around his little finger and that was a dangerous position to be in. Hoseok sat up, his smile turning evil. “Now, tell me about the brown-eyed librarian? Has he sent the police after you for the return of the book?” Shownu snarled at him, “Very funny. I’ve decided to return the book in person, I’ve been every day, but he isn’t there” Shownu suddenly felt very shy, Hoseok leant forward, staring at him intently. “Tell me about him” his intensity unnerving Shownu even more “There’s nothing to tell” he looked down at the table and said quietly. Hoseok snorted loudly in response “Shownu it’s me you’re talking to, I’ve never seen you so unsettled by a man, so he must be something” Shownu looked up at him smiling, I could say the same to you he thought but felt he’d be rubbing salt into an open wound if he did. “He is, he is small and delicate with gentle brown eyes, he smells delicious and it wafts over you whenever he is near, he has a way of talking that you just want to stop and listen to him… and I made a complete fool of myself and he probably has me marked down as a book thief!” He said distressed, actually, he does, a cute book thief Shownu thought. Hoseok laughed loudly, “Oh you’ve got it bad,” he said laughing softly this time, Shownu knew his face reflected the pain in his heart.

“Hoseok, he is like an angel, there’s something ethereal about him and I never thought about how a man would fit me physically before and I look like a great big clumsy idiot around him” he moaned like a child and Hoseok smiled gently at him. “Go talk to him, you’re a good man Shownu and he will see that. What is it with us and angels?” he smirked, “you said yours was fallen or not got that far yet?” Hoseok bit his bottom lip. “Nope” was all he said but the annoyance was visible, the lack of contact was not his choice. This boy must be something Shownu thought, he has got it bad. He sighed, but so do I he thought. Shownu began to tidy himself up, he still had to stop at the library, he handed his friend a blue folder. “Look over this, see if I’ve missed anything and I can submit it” Hoseok simply nodded his agreement. “Do you need any work? You can always come and do some publicity stuff for me, I promise I won’t ask you to model again” Shownu grimaced at the thought, he stood up, squeezing his shoulder gently and shook his head. “No, I’m okay at the moment, but I may come begging at your door in future” Hoseok’s loud chuckle, made the snoozing puppies jump and the guy behind the till shushed them, they both put their hands up, bowing slightly in apology. Shownu slipped on his coat and said “You can pay for lunch though” he winked, “I’m off, hopefully, I can catch him today” and he waved goodbye, as the bell rung, he stepped out the café and took a deep breath.

********************************************  
Kihyun slipped a pink denim jacket on over a white t-shirt, he checked himself out in the mirror. The soft, pale pink complimenting ripped blue jeans. He beamed at himself. Versace mewed at him gently, he bent down to stroke her. “Doesn’t daddy look good, huh? Do you like it?” he found himself unable to stop smiling. He had woken up with a happy virus, a weight from his shoulders and the blaze that was in his heart had taken over his own body. He had spent all morning, doing his makeup and hair, picking the perfect outfit. He stepped out into the lift, finally pleased with the reflection staring back at him, he bowed politely to the security and hopped onto the bus. His phone buzzed and he looked down grinning stupidly.

From Minhyuk  
Ki, there are two very hot boys in my café right now, you need to be here. Xx  
He hastily typed back a message telling Min to keep them there as long as possible, as he hopped off the bus, his pride was like static energy radiating around him. As he strolled towards the café, he saw a man coming out and wander off in the opposite direction, he wondered if he was one of the men Min text about, but there was something familiar about the man’s shape, as quickly as he appeared he turned and was gone from Kihyun’s view. He paused, gulped and strode through the doorway. As the bell dinged gently, Minhyuk turned his bright eyes fixed on Kihyun. He burst into a smile instantly. Kihyun’s eyes darted around the café, it was quite busy, a group of six boys were tucked around a large table at the back and a tall, muscular man sat by himself. Kihyun’s attention drifted over to the pile of puppies yapping at the fence, he went straight to them and leant over and cuddling as many as he could. Kihyun approached the counter, all his confidence disappeared. Minhyuk looked him up and down, he leant forward. waiting. “Look, ah” Kihyun rubbed the back of his head nervously “I’m sorry, can we maybe talk when it’s a bit quieter?” he asked shyly, stuttering slightly. “I’ve always got time for my best friend” Minhyuk winked at him and he broke into a smile. He didn’t hate him.

“How comes you aren’t at the library anyway? Surely you haven’t locked up this early!” Minhyuk suddenly said loudly, staring at Kihyun. “No, of course not. I’ve taken this week off” Kihyun responded, Min turned to him a huge grin on his face. “What are we doing this weekend then?” he said quizzically, mischief returning to his eyes. Kihyun looked at him sceptical, unsure what Min would have in mind. Minhyuk began moving, “I’m going to see the puppies now,” he said strolling away, he stepped around the sleeping boys and settled down in a bean bag. He laid back and watched the man who sat alone, clad in all black, flicking gracefully through some kind of paperwork. His clothing taut over his muscles, he was a work of art just walking around in everyday life. Kihyun stared at him enviously. He was gorgeous and he knew it. Kihyun watched as he slowly approached the counter, he stared at the man for a while longer, until Minhyuk made direct eye contact with him. He looked away, cheeks flushed and began tidying the dog toys away, keeping his eyes on the floor.

The bell rung announcing his departure, Kihyun looked up. The man was gone and Kihyun watched as Minhyuk went over to the group of boys, Kihyun smiled to himself. Minhyuk was so caring, this really was the perfect job for him. As Minhyuk walked away, he caught Kihyun’s attention and he gestured towards the kitchen. Kihyun dragged himself off the floor and quietly sloped off to the kitchen, he screams as Min jumps out from behind the door, grabbing his waist. He grabbed his chest in a panic, breathing heavy. “That guy that just left asked about you,” he said wrapping his arms around Kihyun and nuzzling into his shoulder. “Oh really? I don’t recognise him” he said, pondering over the man. He had definitely never seen him before, a man like that would be memorable. “He asked your name, said his friend knew you” Kihyun wracked his brain once more, his friendship circle was small. “there was a guy with him earlier, he kind of looked like your book thief” Kihyun’s heart stopped, a lump formed in his throat. “You think so?” Kihyun spluttered, “Yeah, well he had gorgeous broad shoulders, was quite tall… and a chest you could eat chocolate off” Kihyun tensed at his words, felt the flush creep up to his ears, Minhyuk giggled in his ear as he released him. “I still have customers,” he said slinking out of the kitchen, Kihyun nodded gently in response. His heart was in his mouth, could it be that the stunning man Kihyun saw is somehow connected to his cute stranger? He stood in awe for a moment, trying to focus in on the man he saw leaving the café earlier, but it was no use he didn’t see him clearly enough. He turned on his heel strolling out of the kitchen, he headed straight for the puppy pen.

As he entered, he noticed the two boys had shifted round, he picked the blankets up of the floor and fixed it around them before going and sitting in a beanbag the other end, snuggling with a small black puppy. As Minhyuk passed by, he muttered “Stop treating them like royalty” he smirked, Kihyun glared in response, pouting slightly. He watched how he interacted with the boys, so full of love and care. He was so lucky to have a friend like Minhyuk. A boy entered the pen, slowly, gently waking the two off the floor, there was a spike in movement and noise as the boys were getting ready to leave. Kihyun places the puppy down carefully and started tidying the dog toys away. He jumped out of his skin at a sudden shout of “STRAY KIDS WOO!” emanating from the pack of boys as they made their way to the front door, a blonde boy pulled Min into a hug before the door finally slammed shut leaving them in the complete silence. Min made his way into the puppy pen dropping into a beanbag near Kihyun. He closed his eyes, his lips parted slightly as he breathed.

He looked exhausted, “I can do that,” Min says laughing lightly, Kihyun turned to meet his eyes, giggling back. “I know but I want to help, I can see how busy you’ve been” he turns tidying away the last few toys, he moves over and begins folding the blankets up. “Thanks, Ki,” he says taking them from him. “I really am sorry for the other day Min,” he said, looking at his shoes, “it’s ok, I can see you took my advice though” his eyes scanned Kihyun, he suddenly felt nervous again. “You look really different, but a good different” he grinned “You’ll have to fight them off you,” he said teasing. “It’s just you were right and I’m trying to figure out who I am” Kihyun responded suddenly serious, “It’s about time I stopped pretending” he breathed a sigh of relief. “Does that mean I can finally set you up on a date?!” he shrieked excitedly, “Yes” Kihyun said firmly, a big grin on his face.

The boys chatted and tidied for a moment longer before Kihyun decided he needed to leave, he wanted to pop in and check on Sanha as he was already close to the library. He wandered around, still thinking about his book thief. He found himself wondering if he was more his type now. He strolled into the library, Sanha was sitting lazily behind the desk. He jumped up to greet the boy, despite being years younger he towered over him. He bowed low, “What are you doing here?” a voice spoke to the side of him. “Who said you could speak to me informally?” Kihyun joked, turning to look at Jinwoo. Rocky was sat on the desk, wrapped around Jinwoo, one big tangle of limbs. A little jealousy crept up inside Kihyun. Jinwoo was laughing a huge smile plastered on his face, “just saying it's not a week off if you’re here” he laughed. Kihyun grinned back, looking round at the three boys. He was so proud of them, they were all hard-working, kind, loving boys. Rocky was practically attached to Jinwoo at the hip and Kihyun had always wished he could have a relationship like that. Now he had decided that he was going to try, he felt a swell in his chest. He bowed to the boys, “If you’re all OK, I’ll be off” a ramble of noise answered him, full of laughter and smiles as he was ushered out the building.  
********************************************


	4. One step at a time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I’m sorry it took so long I’ve rewritten this chapter a million times, Hope you like it! 
> 
> Song recommendation: WayV - Love talk

Shownu awoke disoriented. His body twisted uncomfortably on the sofa. He glanced around, the room was in darkness, bar a thin strip of light shining through the curtains. Sunrise, he thought. He scanned the barren walls, just like his apartment he smirked. He stretched out and slowly got up, he padded into the kitchen, his footsteps echoing. He scribbled out a note, ‘Gone home, I don’t tidy my own home I won't tidy yours either, good luck. If he calls, call me’. He went to secure it to the fridge, he knew Hoseok would go there and wanted it to be obvious, but the lack of magnets and or trinkets made that difficult. He decided a glass would suffice and trapped in on the counter beside the fridge. He tiptoed back and peered in the open door, Hoseok was snuggled in bed, sleeping peacefully his head resting on an oversized bunny. He smiled, pausing to watch him for a moment, it was nice to finally see him rest. He walked softly, trying not to disturb his friend as he collected up his things. He slipped on a jacket with uncertain ownership and lightly shut the door behind him. 

Hoseok’s apartment was everything he had wished for when he moved to the city and yet it was just as empty and unloved as his, his words rung in his head “Shownu, home isn’t a place it’s a feeling”. He was starting to understand what he meant, although he knew it was still an excuse for him to live at the studio and neglect his personal life. The lift dinged and he entered the dark parking lot, he hesitated confused for a moment, it had only been two days since he parked here yet he had no memory where his car was. The lot was fairly empty for this time in the morning, he craned his neck, recognising his car instantly. He dropped his belongings into the passenger seat, wandering round he slumped down into the driver’s seat. The clock on the dashboard read six-thirty-five, he sighed, resting his head back.

It had been a hectic weekend. It all started Thursday afternoon, after many missed calls from Hoseok, when he Hoseok actually rang back he realised the gravity of the situation. “You actually called back?!! He remembered snorting down the phone, before rushing to the studio. He had thrown himself down on the sofa expecting news on Hoseok’s angel, not his own. Kihyun, it was a beautiful, delicate name that suited him so perfectly. He left that night elated and excited, the name Kihyun ringing in his mind. He barely had time to think about his angel over the weekend, the world seemed against Hoseok and he needed a shoulder to lean on. Maybe it was for the best, he was going out of his mind waiting for the library to open… 

He was sure Hoseok wouldn’t have eaten a thing if he hadn’t shown up. He was really struggling, he hated not having control and he had fallen for this boy instantly. Having him ripped away before he could explore personally and creatively had him shaken up and frustrated. Shownu felt his heart flutter, at least they were struggling together he thought. Taking care of Hoseok had been a welcome distraction, even if it meant being dragged to the gym.

He had missed his best friend; they hadn’t done anything like this since they were teenagers; without a care in the world. Just spending time together, watching dramas and binge eating. Hoseok would force him out the door the next morning to ‘work it off’ he remembered their jogs in the freezing cold fondly now, but he despised them at the time. He stared at the steering wheel for a while, trying to find the will to drive home. Yawning, he sat up and started the engine. 

He pulled into his parking space, killing the engine, it was silent, and the parking lot was empty around him. He looked at the dashboard once more, 7:37 am. Not bad for driving during rush hour he thought. He hated sitting in traffic and avoiding driving as much as possible, he was thankful that for the most part, he worked from home or the library. The library, recognition dawned on him. It would be opening any moment now, he rushed out the car. Dragging his tired body out and down the steps, he fell into his apartment with a clamber, shedding clothes as he made his way into the bathroom. 

He had scrubbed his body so quickly and ferociously he felt like the water had barely grazed his skin before he had jumped out. Wrapped in a towel he sat on the end of his bed suddenly forced to slow down, he was almost certain that his angel would be there today, he had to decide what to wear. He rubbed his hands around the back of his neck, stress levels rising. He flopped back into the bed, head empty. His heavy eyelids fell and he drifted off to sleep. 

******************************************** Kihyun groaned as his alarm beeped loudly. Hello, five am, I haven’t missed you he thought. He stretched out slowly, moaning softly. Despite needing the sleep and the rest, he had missed his library. It was his home and he needed to recharge and feel safe. He had embraced his new look and his confidence had soared at first, however every time he thought about his parents or being seen with a boyfriend, his heart deflated like a balloon. He changed the outer casing, but he was still a scared little boy on the inside. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts anymore, so he threw himself out of bed and began getting ready for work. 

He pushed open the clunky doors, stepping back inside his safe space. He breathed in deep. It smelt funny, he thought. No way the boys had kept it as clean as he would have liked, he knew that for a fact. He dropped his bag and jacket in the staff room, smiling at the pink jacket, who knew a jacket could make you feel like a different person. He grabbed a basket full of cleaning supplies and got to work, as he was tidying, he had the odd few customers. Mothers with children who came and read a few books together, university students that had gaps in the classes, coming and going in a steady stream.

He was stopped by a younger boy who couldn’t find the book he needed, he recognised him, he was certain he had seen him with Jinwoo before. They moved towards the counter together, as he began typing a pink post-it caught his eye on the edge of the screen. He knew it wasn’t the one he left, that had been yellow. He ordered the book and bowed politely as the boy left, his eyes drifted back to the post-it. He snatched it up, unfolding it.’ Book thief’s been in every day. Looking for you. ;)’ it read, in a messy scrawl. Kihyun’s heart jumped in his throat. He had come back, he grinned foolishly suddenly feeling like a giddy teenager. The flame re-ignited in his heart, he dazedly wandered to the back of the library, humming to himself gently. He sat down, picking up a copy of pride and prejudice. He gazed out the window, completely distracted. Little butterflies dancing in his stomach at the thought of seeing the man again. 

His fantasy was broken at the sound of the door slamming shut, he huffed. Looking down at his watch, four-thirty. Probably a herd of students coming to undo all the hard work he had done today. He shifted slightly but heard no shouts or footsteps. He listened intently but the library was silent, he returned to the book singing gently to himself, slipping back into his daydream. A thump echoed out around the library, he flinched, whipping around he saw a man standing in the aisle closest to him.

Picking a green book off the ground. He looked up and their eyes met, sparks radiating around them. Kihyun felt breathless, he was more stunning than he had remembered. The man stood back up, bowing low. “Uh… Hi... Hello… Annyeong” he said bowing again. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you” he stumbled over his words, his cheeks going pink. He grinned, his eyes closed completely, with adorable crinkles underneath. Just like Kihyun’s. He took a deep breath trying to compose himself now was his chance. 

********************************************  
Shownu awoke in a panic, throwing himself off the bed. Tugging jeans on he looked up at the clock, three-forty-five already. How had he slept for so long? He scolded himself, dragging a comb through his hair. He grabbed a light blue shirt from his wardrobe, buttoning it up as he slipped his shoes on. He ran for the front door, slamming it shut behind him. He jumped the steps in two strides before coming to a halt. The book, my excuse, I need the book he thought, rushing back to retrieve it. 

He half hoped that he would walk in and see the face of the part-timer again, he was flustered and disorganised. He wanted to make a good impression not scare him away indefinitely. He paused taking a deep breathe, as he turned the corner. He quietly opened the door and stepped inside. The door slammed behind him, announcing his presence. The library was empty, sun shining through the windows. He scanned the counter but no one was there, as usual, he slowly crept forward. He wasn’t sure why he put it down to the sudden nervousness of coming face to face with his the boy that had plagued his mind for the last week. As he slowly walked through the aisle, he could hear a beautiful voice gently singing, he followed the sound.

He stood at the edge the aisle, the two sofas and the trolley in full view. Nestled in the centre was his angel. He looked beautiful; fluffy brown hair, a soft jawline exposed as he looked down at a book, his eyes sparkling as they flickered across the page. His pink lips parted slightly as he sang, exposing a row of neat white teeth. His glasses were gone, Shownu noted. His clothing was different too, he had fond memories of a baggy blue jacket that swallowed the boy whole but now he could see him. Small shoulders, thin elegant arms, his eyes moved down settling on the boy's thighs. Small strips of skin were exposed, he swallowed hard fascinated by how the tight fabric hugged his body. At that moment the book slipped from his grip, slamming to the floor. 

Shownu threw himself down after it, he could feel the boys eyes on him. He swallowed hard, looking up. His eyes met the boy's curious gaze, he was floored. There was electricity in between them, he hoped he wasn’t the only one that felt it. He stood up slowly and bowed low. “Uh… Hi... Hello… Annyeong” he said bowing again, clumsily. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you” he grinned. He couldn’t help himself, the boy's shocked face was adorable.

He returned the smile shyly, he stood in silence for a few moments. Shownu felt his ears burn, he had waited so long to see him again and now he was in front of him he was frozen, unable to speak. “Did you come to return the book?” he said finally breaking the quiet. “Uhhh… yes and too um… apologise I was quiet rude last time we met and…” the words trailed away. He was an incoherent mess. He wanted to fall into a hole. The boy giggled in response. “I accept. Come with me, let’s put that book back” he gracefully walked into the aisle, brushing past Shownu. He took a deep breath of that hypnotising scent and followed him. 

The boy stopped and turned on his heel into an aisle gesturing for Shownu to follow. He stood with his hands outstretched, he reluctantly placed the book into them, noticing how tiny they were, he felt the shock as their fingertips brushed momentarily. He shivered as he watched the boy bend down and slide the book into his home on the shelf. He stood back up beaming at Shownu, “Thanks for returning it, most people don’t bother…” he was starting to get flustered too, he noticed how he rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke. “Come on a date with me” Shownu blurted out, “I mean would you… um.. like to. If you’d like to” he smacked himself in the face this time, his entire face going red. A small soft hand-pulled, wrapped around his, removing it from his face. He looked up in shock, the boys stunning eyes staring intensely into his. “Actually I would like that” he grinned “I’m Yoo Kihyun by the way”. Ah, Shownu thought. I never asked him his name because Hoseok already told me. 

********************************************

Kihyun felt his heart beating hard, felt like it was going to soar out of his chest at any moment. He was still holding the mans larger hand, his skin felt like silk. He let go carefully, the man's bewildered eyes staring back at him. Kihyun couldn’t contain his happiness, grinning widely back at him. “And you are?” he teased. “Ah, I’m Shownu,” he said, finally smiling back. “So, when did you want to go for that date?” Shownu stated, he had transformed in front of Kihyun’s eyes, a sudden aura of confidence surrounded him. He just stared back, the tension between them palpable. “I mean, I can be free now” he scanned the library, it was empty as usual, “if you are?” he suddenly stuttered out. Shownu, smiled, looking down and shuffling his feet. “Now is good” he beamed. 

He bowed slightly, as they wandered back over to the counter together. He slipped into the staff room leaving Shownu waiting. He felt his cheeks burn, his face hurt from grinning and the butterflies in his stomach were flicking wildly. He slapped his cheeks gently with both his hands, his fingertips dancing over them, making sure he was awake. He had dreamed of this moment but he never thought he’d get this far. He slipped his jacket on, slung his bag over his shoulder and tidied his hair quickly in the mirror. He stepped out and saw Shownu, leaning back on the counter. The sun hitting him, highlighting his button nose and sharp jawline, his jacket struggling over his shoulders. Kihyun chewed on his bottom lip as he turned, dark, gorgeous eyes meeting his. He smiled wide, the clumsy stuttering mess was gone. 

He skipped alongside him, trying to match his stride and struggling. Eventually, he stopped and huffed demanding they slow down. He got a shy polite smile in response, as Shownu slowed and fell into place next to Kihyun. They spoke back and forth, asking the basic questions; he learnt that Shownu was older than him and he was in the library because his laptop broke. They walked along the path, Kihyun listening intently asking him more and more questions, he felt so at ease so quickly; like he had known him forever. He forgot that the relationship he had created in the last week was just a fantasy as he ogled the gorgeous man next to him. 

They turned into the park, Kihyun loved the park in spring. The trees full of beautiful pink blossoms and the flowers began to bloom. New beginnings, just like him. Kihyun smiled. “Is this an acceptable first date?” Shownu turned to him grinning, Kihyun felt himself wilt under his gaze. “I love it,” he said breathlessly. They sat down on the grass together, awkwardly close yet awkwardly far away from each other, neither sure what to do next. The sat together chatting back and forth and quickly slipped into easy conversation. 

He mused about his situation, so proud of himself for how bold he had been despite his insides feeling like jelly. Watching families and others wandering around the park, he wished he had a book with him. This was a blissful environment, the sun was starting to lower. Suddenly a shove at his shoulder, throwing him violently to the side, woke him up from his stupor. “Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t realise you’d go flying!” Shownu shouted giggling loudly, Kihyun kicked out at him. “you must…have noticed… I’m tiny!” he sat back up attempting to shove him back but he didn’t move. He grinned cheekily, “Well, yeah, I guess I did” he giggled again. 

Kihyun pouted at him, sulking childishly, the way he would with Minhyuk. Shownu pinched his cheeks roughly, making the blood rise once more. He felt the flush rise over his neck and ears once more. “Awh poor baby, I’m sorry,” he said pulling Kihyun towards him, cradling him in a hug. Kihyun’s eyes were wide with shock at first but he felt his entire body melt into Shownu’s at a touch. They slid together like puzzle pieces and he laid against his chest, listening to the rise and fall of his chest. He laid there cosily for a few moments. He smiled, tucking himself into Shownu so he couldn’t see tears pricking the edges of his eyes.

He breathed deep, he had never felt so safe, so comfortable with someone he barely knew before. They covered the basics; ages, names, jobs, why they were in the city, hobbies etc… it was all just blur, it felt surreal. He had dreamt about this man, finally meeting and falling in love and now it had finally came true. He already felt so at ease in his presence, like he had known Shownu his entire life. He panicked wondering if they were moving too quickly, but isn’t this what dating was like these days? Min had been badgering him to get dating apps for months. Surely they promote the same thing? Meet with strangers until you find one you’d like to see forever? Except he hadn’t chosen Shownu. He was certain fate had. 

********************************************  
Shownu sat frozen, hand slowly rubbing the boys back. He had realised some time ago that he was going to have to be the confident one in this relationship or they’d both still be standing in the library, staring at each other. Kihyun was shyer than he had imagined, although that only made him cuter if felt like a switch had been clicked inside him, he was so in love already. He took a deep breath, calm down you only met a few hours ago the voice in his head taunted. 

He could smell the boy’s mesmerising soft scent, he took another deep breath, committing this moment to memory. There was a chill in the air and the sun was beginning to set, turning the sky hues of pink, purple and orange. They sat together now, Kihyun snuggled into Shownu’s lap, people watching as the park slowly emptied. Kihyun shivered slightly and nestled into him more, chatting about nothing in particular. He wrapped his arms around him, planting a shy kiss on the top of his head. Kihyun tilted his head back, gazing up at him, a smirk on his lips. Shownu felt his blush spread, painting his cheeks pink. He was struggling to resist planting a kiss on his sweet lips there and then. 

Baby steps let’s not scare him off – the voice in his head taunted once more. “You look tired,” he said as he began playing with Kihyun’s hair. Running his fingers through it and then ruffling it gently. He nodded a little and made a little ‘mm-hmm’ sound in response but made no effort to move. Shownu stifled a laugh, “Can I walk you home?” Kihyun’s eyes flickered open and he jerked his head down, staring at the floor. Shownu only caught his gaze for a second but he was certain he saw worry… or fear. “I mean only if you want me too” he felt the boy sigh against him, after a few moments silence he nodded. 

Finally, as Kihyun slipped out of his grasp, he stretched back, looking up at Kihyun. He was stretching too his black shirt lifted exposing his tummy. He felt his cheeks flush and he run his tongue I l across his bottom lip, staring intently. “Yaaa! Don’t look at me like that!” he said playfully smacking Shownu’s shoulder. They began walking side by side, hands brushing but never touching. He desperately wanted to hold Kihyun’s hand, to have him as his own but so fearful to take the next step. He stole little glances at Kihyun as they walked, he was chewing his bottom lip anxiously, little blotches of red staining delicate pink. 

“I used to be a model,” he said suddenly, more to distract and calm himself. “I wasn’t very good but I wanted to help a friends new business” he glanced down at Kihyun, he was looking up at him with both confusion and happiness. “Why did you stop?” he said shyly, gesturing to all of Shownu. “Well… there was an incident and I got into a fight with a photographer and Hoseok dragged me out by my collar like a naughty child. He never asked me again after that” he mused playfully, he may have the build to model but not the brain. He glanced at Kihyun, he was chewing his bottom lip again but this time he was holding back laughter. His pink cheeks rounder and a soft hmmh noise escaping from his nose. His hand came up covering his mouth. “Oh, go ahead laugh, it’s ridiculous I know!” Shownu said letting out a little laugh too, swatting out at Kihyun’s arm, the contact sending sparks through his nerves again. 

Kihyun let it out, a loud addictive high-pitched ‘Bahahaha’ noise, his face turning red as he laughed hysterically at the mental image of Shownu being dragged by the collar and scolded like a child. “Y-y-ou what?” he managed to say breathlessly between the laughter. Shownu just shrugged and smirked in response but that only made him laugh harder. He was a big clumsy dork and he never thought anyone would find him funny or endearing for it. Kihyun was bent down, double over, tears in his eyes, gasping for breath. Just then he slipped down the curb, his+ backside hitting the pavement with a thud and a screech of pain. Shownu dropped to the boy's side, throwing his arm around his shoulder.

“Oh my god, are you ok?” he was holding his ankle but seemed otherwise uninjured from the fall. “I’m so sorry,” Shownu said, way to ruin a first date he thought. “It’s ok,” Kihyun said as Shownu slowly helped him back onto his feet. He hissed as tried to take a step, leaning unsteadily onto Shownu. “Do you-” he began but Kihyun cut him off, “No I’m fine, I can walk” Stubborn. Shownu noted. He hesitantly took his arm away, watching carefully as he shakily took two more steps, the pain evident on his face. He stepped in front of him, crouching down and tapping his shoulder. Inviting Kihyun onto his back, “Absolutely not” he spat, he attempted to cross his arms but he was struggling to stay upright.

Shownu huffed, “you leave me no choice,” he said with a mischievous smile. He hooked one arm around Kihyun’s back and the other under his knees, sweeping him off the floor in one quick movement, he began walking ignoring Kihyun’s wriggling body under his grips and his shouts of ‘put me down!’, he would have listened if Kihyun wasn’t grinning and giggling in between his protests. As he got to the gate, he placed Kihyun back down, he steadied himself against the fence, Shownu could now see the blush on his neck and ears. “Get on,” he said firmly and crouched down, tapping his shoulder once more. This time he obliged. He hoisted him up onto his back. “Where am I going then?” he said. 

Following Kihyun’s directions he began walking, “Take a right here” the soft voice came from behind him and he followed obediently. His stomach was full of butterflies, fluttering madly, at his touch and the boy’s body pressed against his back. He loved how he seemed to just slot between his shoulder blades as if he was sculpted to fit Kihyun only. He could feel his warmth and heavy breathing, as he snuggled his face into the nook of Shownu’s neck. he grinned goofily, he felt like a teenager again. He was glad Kihyun couldn’t see his face. “I really am sorry I didn’t mean to injure you and ruin our first date” he felt Kihyun melt into him with his words, felt the shaky breath on his neck, sending shivers down his spine. 

The arms around his neck, tensed. “You didn’t injure me I fell. Nothing’s been ruined, you idiot” he giggled gently and planted a soft kiss on the top of Shownu’s head. Fear of dropping Kihyun was the only thing keeping Shownu on his feet, he felt ecstatic. Every nerve in his body on high alert and his knees threatening to buckle. “Are you sure you’re ok carrying me? I can get the bus you know?” the little voice echoed in his hears, rattled around his head. “Will the bus carry you in to your apartment and put ice on your ankle?” he questioned. “Err… no” came the giggle from behind him. “Then you are stuck with me” he stated, he felt the boys laughter rather than heard it and he teased him with another kiss on the head. 

********************************************  
Kihyun snuggled into his neck, he smelt nice, comforting like…. Baby powder? He thought. No that couldn’t be it. He saw the goose bumps appear on the back of his neck and realised he had been tickling him this whole time. “It’s this building, you can drop me off this here,” he said pointing. Shownu slowly helped him down, turning to face him. He looked so beautiful in the twilight, his eyes twinkling matching the bright smile on his face. 

Kihyun couldn’t help but grin back, the happiness overflowing. “I’d like to take you up to your apartment if that’s ok with you?” Shownu said. He blushed, staring at the ground. He wasn’t sure who he could trust, his neighbours had reported his dating life back to his father before and he had to lie and he wasn’t sure if he was prepared to go through that again just yet. “I mean, I’m not like, coming on to you or anything! I’m just worried about your ankle, I just want to make sure you get home safe, that’s all” he rambled, running his hands through his hair, the messy brown mop was now sticking up in all directions as he stared down at Kihyun. He felt the blush creep up his neck again, doing THAT hadn’t crossed his mind…yet. 

“No it’s not that I don’t like you, I really do, just nosey neighbours” he stuttered suddenly panicked his silence had upset Shownu. Realisation spread across his face, he whipped around looking over his shoulder at the security guard at the door. He smirked grabbing Kihyun by the elbow and dragging him around the corner of the building. It was darker in the alley, the two buildings blocking out what little was left of the sunlight. Kihyun lent back on the wall, gazing up at the dark eyes in front of him, both scared and excited. Shownu placed his hands on the wall either side of him, bending down he placed a soft kiss on top of Kihyun’s head. He lent down further and whispered in his ear… 

“I’ll be a secret for now, but I want to make it clear, I want you” he kissed him desperately before Kihyun could even formulate an argument back or explain that he never intended for him to be a secret. His thoughts dissipated at the feel of his lips kissing him. He melted into it, kissing him back, trying to put all his thoughts and feelings into the kiss. Shownu pulled back, dropping something into Kihyun’s pocket. “You’ve got my number baby,” he said, kissing him softly on the cheek before turning and walking away. Kihyun stayed stuck to the wall, breathless but smiling. How could he be so nonchalant when he turned Kihyun into a gibbering mess? He dug into his pocket pulling out what seemed to be a business card. ‘Son Hyunwoo, Freelance Songwriter’ it read with a mobile number underneath it. Kihyun grinned down at the card, before hiding it back in his pocket and limping towards his building.


	5. Turbulence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- MINOR ANGST WARNING -  
> Song Recommendation - Jaehyun - I like me better (Original by Lauv)

Shownu practically ran, he turned the corner, breathing heavy. He checked over his shoulder, making sure both Kihyun and his building were out of sight, a huge grin plastered on his face. His heart was racing, he jumped around, doing a goofy, clumsy, happy dance. He skipped away, heading for home. His head in the clouds, he typed a text as he walked.  
To Hoseokie  
Didn’t get a boyfriend yet… got a kiss though. You?  
He grinned to himself, still giddy from the date. The butterflies in his stomach had taken flight leaving nothing but burning desire. The more he learnt about Kihyun the more he loved him. He jumped down the steps, entering his apartment, he dropped down on the sofa. He tried to distract himself flicking through the dramas on the tv. Flinching and jumping at every little sound, eager for a response. After a few hours of radio silence and jittering nerves, Shownu jumped off the sofa, he needed an outlet for his emotions. He rummaged around in his room, looking for old clothing. He shrugged on an old vest and jogging bottoms, Hoseok had him working out all the time when he was modelling. He eyed himself in the mirror, he hadn’t really put on that much weight but still, it would be good to stay fit and healthy. Any excuse the voice in his head scoffed. He gave himself a determined nod in the mirror, before putting in his AirPods and going for a run.  
******************************************  
Kihyun stood in the lift, his flushed reflection staring back at him. He traced his fingers across his bottom lip, still in awe. He had rushed into his building bowing low to hide his blush. The kiss was unexpected but welcome and was struggling to think straight since. He stepped out the lift only to be met by someone standing at his front door. He recognised their silhouette instantly. The short, stocky figure with balding hair was Mr Woo, his landlord for both his home and the library, and one of his father’s old friends. His suit was expensive and crisp, his posture rigid and severe. “Mr Woo, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t expecting you,” he said bowing low, he turned a hint of a smile twitched on his wrinkled face. As always, he was closed off, cold with an aura of authority. Kihyun watched the man cautiously, he was nice enough, but he reported every move he made back to his father. “Not to worry my boy!” he chuckled slightly, although it looked forced Kihyun noted “It was an unannounced visit, your father said you were unwell I just wanted to check up on you,” he said, staring at Kihyun. It was an intimidating stare like he was reading into Kihyun soul, exposing his every secret. He felt himself shrivel under his gaze, he felt weak and tiny. He bowed low once more, “Thank you for checking on me, I’m doing well, I’ve been with Min, better to eat together you know?” he giggled nervously, playing with his hair. He saw the man’s eyes flicker across him, knew he was making a mental note of all the changes he had made last week. Kihyun continued with the ditsy smile, hoping he would believe his lie. Mr Woo just nodded slowly, smiling. “Yes, yes I suppose you’re right” he looked back at Kihyun, he held eye contact unwilling share any more information. “Well I can see you are keeping well” he leant forward and patted Kihyun’s shoulder, his grip was harsh and his movements clunky. Kihyun suppressed the need to shudder at his touch, “You’re a good kid, I’ll see you soon” he nodded and strode past Kihyun. Kihyun bowed low and watched him enter the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, he breathed a sigh of relief. He scrambled through his front door, falling back against it and slid down until his head was between his knees. His head was banging, with love and happiness and panic and fear. It was like an emotional roller coaster, a stolen kiss that had knocked him off his feet and sent him soaring towards the sun and then Mr Woo’s sudden appearance, making his stomach flip as he came hurtling back towards the ground at high speed. He began to shake, what if he was seen with Shownu? What if someone saw them kiss? 

His fear turned to anger, Mr Woo was his father’s way of keeping him in shackles even when he moved miles and miles away. He just wanted to grow up and be an adult. Do whatever he pleased and love whoever he wants to. Instead, he was just a puppet, dancing to their tune. He had tried to cut the strings and for a few days he believed he had, but he had only changed costume. The anger turned into sadness and the tears began to fall. He rocked himself helplessly, his brain a jumbled mess. He thought about Shownu, how much he had enjoyed their date, how comforting his presence was, how much he wanted to continue to get to know him…  
His words repeated in his mind, playing on loop. “I want you” the way he had growled the words, made Kihyun’s knees go weak and his brain turn to mush. He was so attracted to him, he felt like his heart was calling out for Shownu and his brain was running interference. “I want you too….so bad” Kihyun thought as he sobbed into his sleeves. The fear of being caught, the fear of losing everything would keep him locked in his ivory tower. He always dreamt of a fairy tale prince who would come and save him, now he sees Shownu. He rubbed at his eyes and face furiously. He had to make a decision either call it off with Shownu or come out. He chewed at his lip anxiously, he shouldn’t lead Shownu on if he has no interest in a relationship he thought, it’s unfair on him. You’ve already married him and got a dog the voice in his head taunted, he smiled to himself. He really is an amazing man and maybe he would be worthwhile, but there’s no way to know after just one date. The kiss entered his mind once more, he groaned, flopping down onto his bed, squishing his face into his pillow. He yearned to kiss him again, to be cuddled in his arms and comforted once more. Conflicted and heart aching, he pulled the business card out his pocket. He slowly typed the number in and stored it under a bear emoji, discreet he thought, with a weak smile. He stared at it for a while trying to control the war between his head and his heart, before either could win. He fell asleep. 

******************************************  
Friday  
Shownu returned from his jog, red-faced and sweaty. He stared at the laptop on the table, he sighed, he knew he really needed to work but his motivation was gone. He was too embarrassed to return to the library, so he paid out to get a new laptop, but it had sat, neglected for most of the week. He stared at his phone on the table next to it, it had been days and yet he still hoped Kihyun would text or call him. He tutted at himself, he felt pathetic and saddened. He still couldn’t figure it out, why the boy was so alluring or why he loved him so much already, all he knew was he did. The lack of contact stung but he had left it up to Kihyun to make the next move, one he obviously didn’t want to take. His heart wrenched at the thought and he stepped in the shower, trying to shake off the sadness. 

He stepped out the bathroom, rubbing at his hair wildly with a towel when he heard a ping sound. At first, he thought he had imagined it but then he heard it again. Leaving his pride behind he rushed into the front room, dropping onto the sofa. He hesitantly picked it up. His heart soared instantly, an unknown number.  
From ?  
Hi, I’m so sorry I haven’t contacted you, it’s not because I didn’t want to. Do you think you could stop by the library today? I’d love to see you again  
His face broke out into a grin, he blinked rapidly, making sure he wasn’t dreaming. He knew he should probably wait a while, text back later, try not to look too eager but he couldn’t help himself. He saved the number, quickly, now he had a way to talk to him. His pulse racing.  
To: Ki  
I thought you’d never ask! Is now ok????  
From: Ki  
Yeah, that’s great, I’ll be on my sofa!  
He replied instantly, Shownu had to resist the urge to jump up and down like an excited child. He was going to see him again. The loneliness and despair he felt in the last four days were suddenly gone and he rushed around the apartment getting dressed, he threw his shoes on, hopping out the door and rushing to the library. 

He stared up at the wooden door, his stomach in knots. He took a deep breath; I have to be the confident one he reminded himself as he strolled in. The sunlight was pouring through the large windows, the library was immaculate as always and empty. The thud of the door echoed throughout, he turned down the aisle and could hear the familiar hum of Kihyun singing to himself. His voice was like a warm blanket, Shownu felt all the tension in his body dissipate. He turned, smiling. He was sitting back on his sofa, reading, singing softly. His legs wrapped in tight blue denim complemented by a loose white sweater, his soft brown hair was pushed back, and the usual earring sparkled in the sunlight. He was still breath-taking. The more Shownu looked at him, the more surreal it felt. Kihyun grinned up at him and beckoned him over. He gently slipped himself down on the sofa next to him, “Hi” he said nervously. Kihyun just grinned back. “Hi, I’m sorry I didn’t call” he was chewing his lip again, Shownu noticed, he always seemed to be worried about something. “Like I said it’s not because I didn’t want too I just…” he trailed off flailing his arms, obviously trying to find the right words. “Can’t be seen with me?” Shownu added, he stared at him stunned, clearly, he was right, but he wanted to be kinder. “I already told you I don’t mind being your secret” he leant back, leaning his arm on the sofa behind Kihyun. Desperate to close the space between them. “You deserve to be more than just a secret, it’s not fair on you…” he began but Shownu pressed his fingers against his lips, interrupting him. “I want you. I’ll do whatever it takes. Just communicate with me” he growled, he moved his hand to the back of Kihyun’s neck and began stroking lightly. He felt him shudder under his touch. His eyes closed briefly; his lips parted in protest. Shownu leant forward, his nose nuzzling against Kihyun’s ear. He heard the sharp intake of breath beside him. “Can I kiss you now?” Kihyun nodded his head nervously. Shownu moved closer, cupping his face with one hand, the other resting on the back of his neck. He closed the space between them, tasting delicate lips. Kihyun leaned into his touch, deepening the kiss and to Shownu’s surprise his tongue darted across his bottom lip asking for entry. Shownu melted into him, allowing him entry, there tongues twisting and darting in a long, passionate kiss. When Shownu pulled away he felt like he had run ten miles, his breathing was ragged, and his pulse was eccentric. He felt wrecked and it was only a kiss, he gazed up and was pleased to see Kihyun just as messed up. His cheeks burning and his delicate rose-pink lips were stained red.

Shownu had to resist the urge just to lean in again, how was he so magnetic? “Are you sure?” Kihyun said shakily, “Of what?” he said confused, Kihyun slapped his shoulder gently, giggling. “That you want me, whatever it takes?” his smile slid away instantly, his eyes more serious. “Yes” Shownu said decisively, he watched the boys face, he looked sad and tormented. Shownu felt a stab in his heart, he wanted to protect him at all cost. Kihyun stared down at his feet, his thumbs twirling wildly, chewing his lip once more. “If the owner finds out I’m gay, I’ll lose the library” he said suddenly. Shownu looked at him in shock, he didn’t think anyone was that archaic anymore, he thought times had moved on and people could be free. Seeing the pain on Kihyun’s face, he realised this wasn’t the case. He looked around at the library, every shelf was neatly stacked, every desk gleamed, and the place was always pristine. That was Kihyun’s presence, he made the library warm and welcoming, without him it was just another building. He reached over and squeezed his hand, “I won’t let that happen” he said planting a shy kiss on his cheek. Kihyun’s ears and neck flushed red. “I should get back to work” he stuttered, he looked back at Shownu, he smiled but his eyes showed his sadness. “Okay” Shownu nodded. “Hey, would you like to come over to mine tonight? The second date?” he grinned cheekily and saw Kihyun’s eyes twinkle once again. “I’d like that” he grinned back “Now go before you get me in trouble” he said, gently kissing him on the cheek before he leapt up and wandered off through the library. Shownu sat frozen, grinning, his cheek burning and his nerves tingling. He watched as Kihyun walked away, admiring his frame. The way his sweater hugged his sides and his jeans hugged his behind. He licked his lips, control yourself he thought. As he began for home.

******************************************  
Kihyun, leant on the counter daydreaming aimlessly. His mind on Shownu, he still wasn’t sure what to do but he wasn’t willing to give up either. The kisses lingering in his mind, he knew he wanted more, wanted Shownu. He had been very blunt and clear that he liked Kihyun, if only he wasn’t scared. He checked his phone was more, he never usually clock watched at work but with the prospect of a second date looming he was excited to leave. He was tidying the staff room when he heard the door thud behind him, he frowned. If it was Shownu he was too early, he stepped out and saw Mr Woo standing in the lobby area. His face was emotionless, but he was pacing slightly. “Hello,” he said bowing low catching his attention. He turned startled, grabbing his chest. “Oh, I’m so sorry Mr Woo, are you ok?” Great, Kihyun thought, give the man a heart attack, why don’t you? “I’m alright, you just gave me a fright!” he chuckled, it was deep and menacing. Kihyun wasn’t sure this man had any warmth in him. “May as well get straight to the point, hm, yes, I’m going to visit your father this evening. He asked me to pick you up, your mother wanted you to stay for the weekend, so grab your things, you can lock up early today” his mouth twitched into a small smile. Kihyun was well aware this wasn’t a request but a demand, he wanted to argue, to scream and shout about his plans and how unfair it was for them to expect him to be free. It would be wasteful to shout at Mr Woo he was simply a messenger, adhering to his masters every order. Kihyun was to do the same. He bowed low and nodded slowly, bottling his emotions as he went to get his coat. He typed out a text to Shownu, ‘Summoned to my parents for the entire weekend, can we rearrange that date?’ he sent reluctantly, sighing to himself. He should be snuggling up to the man he had a crush on, flirting not visiting home. He slipped his coat on and walked back out. “Ready when you are Mr Woo” he faked a smile.

The car ride to his parents was mostly awkward silence with a few pleasantries between them. The car came to a halt, he looked out the window at his parent’s house. It was pretty. Pickett fence, expensive car in the garage, red brick walls. Quaint he scoffed. He stepped out the car and followed Mr Woo through the gate and around the winding path. The bell rung out around them; he heard his parents in the distance. The door swung open, revealing a large man, tall and broad. He hadn’t aged well, Kihyun noted. His skin slack and wrinkled, he wasn’t attractive at all. He spoke with a deep, commanding voice. “Woo, how was the drive?” even his smile was cold and detached. Kihyun stood clumsily, playing with his sweater sleeves waiting to be addressed. “Is my Kiki there?” his mother shrieked from somewhere in the hall, he looked up. His father’s eyes scanned him, staring at him with disgust. “Yes” he spat, “what have you done to yourself?” he stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest. Kihyun tried not to catch his eyes, “You’ll need to be more specific” he said sarcastically, the light was glaring into his eyes obscuring his vision. At that moment his mother had appeared in the doorway, she looked tiny beside his father. “You’ll catch your deaths out there! Come on!” she said waving her arms frantically, Mr Woo let out a chuckle. His father glared at him once more, before stepping back allowing everyone to enter. Mr Woo started talking to him about some paperwork almost instantly as they wandered off together into his study. 

Kihyun followed his mother into the kitchen, she was busying herself around the oven, preparing dishes. “Hey, how can I help?” he asked, smiling warmly. His mother was the opposite of his father, she was petite and very pretty. Her black hair tied neatly in a bun and hints of makeup on her cheeks. She was kind and warm and was always a loving, overbearing mother. “No, no, no dear! You’ve worked all day. You just sit” she blew him a kiss as she continued stirring the pot. She flicked around watching Kihyun as he sat down at the table, she too scanned him, her mouth becoming one tight line. “Where are your glasses dear?” she asked gently. “I’m wearing contacts now instead, I prefer them” he stated, trying to keep his voice steady. “And what’s with the earrings? You know how your father feels!” she said exasperated. Kihyun gulped, he hated seeing his mother upset. “I like them. And had I had some warning I would have taken them out” he stated flatly. His mother looked over at him guiltily. She understood how it felt to live under his strict rules, she was fearful of his temper too. “I’m sorry dear, I should have called and asked…. Did you have plans?” she asked hopefully, raising an eyebrow. Kihyun couldn’t help but laugh, “No Ma, I didn’t have any dates planned, wouldn’t matter if I did” he laughed, rolling his eyes. His father marched into the room and the playful atmosphere disappearing instantly. His mother cleared her throat and turned back to the pot, making herself busy. 

His father pulled up the chair opposite, he leant back, determined not to back down. “What’s up with all that?” he gestured to Kihyun. He looked himself up and down, his father was lucky he didn’t dress up this morning, Kihyun would have loved to be in a full face of makeup. “That’s all of me, your son,” he said repeating the gesture to himself, grinning. For some reason, he thought hiding his anger in humour was the best approach. “You know what I mean,” he said through gritted teeth, glaring down at Kihyun. He sat up straight, determined to act confident even if he felt like a scared eight-year-old inside. “I changed my style, I wanted to look more grown-up, attractive.” His father just continued to glare as if that wasn’t enough. “So, I pierced my ears and got contacts. I thought it suited me” he sat upright, trying to look a bit more intimidating. “You know how I feel about those things” he snapped after a while. “Well they aren’t on you” he snapped back, there was a clattering of dishes behind them. His mother who had been listening to them was as shocked by his attitude as Kihyun was. “Go to your room and don’t come down until dinner” he snarled, slamming his fist against the table. Kihyun bit back his snarky answer, he gulped, his confidence dropped, his fear rising. He nodded slowly and slipped silently out the kitchen. 

“Kihyun dear” echoed up the stairs, he was burning with rage and anger, but he was scared about the damage he’d done already, his father had never been reasonable, and he knew there’d be consequences for his actions. Kihyun sat at the table, he felt stiff and uncomfortable, the atmosphere tenser than usual. He nodded and smiled at his parents; his mother beamed back at him. She reached out her hand and Kihyun took it gently, clasping his fathers in the other hand, he bowed his head silently listening to her prayer. He joined in with the murmurs of amen around the table and began to eat. The quicker he got food in his mouth the less time he had to talk, he thought as he shovelled noodles and kimchi into his mouth. “Look at you, eating well! You need too, you’re so skinny, dear. Isn’t he too skinny, tell him!” his mother exclaimed watching Kihyun, swatting at her husband. His father just looked at him disappointed and sighed before continuing with his meal. Kihyun swallowed, slowing down and neatening himself up, nodding here and there as his mother spoke. She rambled about the church, about the neighbours about their kid’s achievements, her eyes glistening as she spoke to Kihyun, he could tell she loved him. He knew how deeply she cared for him, but she too was bound by his father’s rules and regulations. She was just as scared of him as Kihyun was. His parents exchanged looks before she turned to him, “Isn’t it about time you brought a girl home though Kihyun?” she sighed, Kihyun caught off-guard choked and began to cough. “Oh dear!” his mother quickly became flustered, rushing to his side, smacking and rubbing his back expertly. “Mother I’m fine” he spluttered, trying to regain his composure. She stared at him for a moment, watching as he sipped his water before returning to her seat. “I’ll bring someone home when I’m ready” he stated, avoiding their expectant gazes. The loud tut from his father was like a slap across the face. Even his mother looked visibly upset, “You’d actually have to go on dates for that… and you’re not” he scoffed, shaking his head. “If and when I go on dates isn’t really any of your business” he spat, enraged by the lack of privacy. “I’m supposed to bring someone home once I know they’re the one, not rock up with anyone I can find off the street, just to please you!” He slammed his hands down on the table, throwing his chair back. He tried not to look but he saw the glimpse of his mothers horrified face and his fathers twisted with rage as he stormed out the room. He thudded up the stairs and slammed his door shut, clicking the lock. Ah, now I feel like I’m fourteen again he thought, throwing himself down on his old childhood bed. 

“Yahhh Kihyun you idiot” he whined to himself, staring at the peeling wallpaper. He could hear the raised voices emanating from downstairs. He knew he had caused the argument; his appearance alone had caused friction and his sharp tongue had made matters worse. He was tired of pretending to be the happy, complacent child. Being at home caused lots of emotional turmoil, a constant reminder of the invisible shackles he still wears. Unable to do as he pleases and love who he wants. Yet every time he voiced his opinion he was scolded and sent away like a child.  
He did love who he wanted though. Thoughts of Shownu filling his mind. His heart twanged with sadness. He should have been on his second date but instead, he was summoned home, he looked at his phone chewing his lip anxiously. He typed, ‘hey you busy?’ and pressed send. He slapped his phone to his chest, both excited and nervous. He felt like a naughty schoolboy disobeying his father’s rules under his roof. It was only texting he reminded himself, he had done worse. Although he had a feeling that if he was defiant enough, he could get sent home and that wouldn’t be so bad. He laughed to himself, but it was short-lived. He heard his mother shrieking, she was crying and screaming hysterically now and then the heard the front door slam. He gulped, too afraid to go and face her, he was the cause of her pain and the remorse gnawed away at him. A sudden buzz on his chest distracted him.  
From Shownu:  
Never for you ;)  
He grinned goofily; he would never get used to this gorgeous man flirting with him. “Parent’s is a war zone, I’ve pissed my dad off, wish I was with you instead” he typed shakily. His eyes scanned the page, he shook his head, it was too early to share his dysfunctional family history. He went to delete the message, but his shaking hands clicked send instead. “Oh fuck!” he yelled exasperated, launching his phone across the bed. A distant hoarse shout of ‘Language young man!’ came from downstairs. “Sorry Ma!” he yelled back guiltily. He could hear her banging around in the kitchen but there was no response. The phone buzzed again, he sat staring at it for a moment. 

Dazed, he crept to the end of the bed lifting his phone tentatively. Three messages blinked at him. He had sent all of them in quick succession.  
‘I’m sorry you’re having a bad time :(‘  
‘Are you decent?’  
‘Ki??????’  
He grinned down at his phone as he typed back, ‘yes…why?’, almost instantly the facetime symbol took over his screen. He froze staring down at it confused for a moment. When the realisation hit him, he dropped the phone in a panic, rushing to the mirror. His hair was floppy and messy, and he was makeup-less, he run his hands through his hair hopelessly. His phone buzzed once again. He picked it up,  
You always look gorgeous baby just answer  
The butterflies in his stomach starting fluttering madly, he slunk down onto his bed, waiting for the call. Trying to hide his childish grin with a pillow. How can his words hold so much power? How can he change my emotions so easily? He thought. 

His phone began to ring once more, this time he didn’t hesitate to answer. Shownu’s gorgeous face filled his screen. He was wearing a black cap backwards covering most of his hair, his warm brown eyes fixated on Kihyun and a huge infectious smile in his face. Kihyun would usually be staring at the tiny box in the corner, checking the angle and his appearance but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Shownu. He was obviously laying on his stomach in bed, Kihyun had a full view of his face and over his shoulder. His skin was glistening slightly, and his cheeks were pink. Either he has been working out or showering Kihyun thought, he shook his head slightly, trying to remove the mental images, both were dangerous topics. 

“Hi, I’ve missed you,” he said eventually, breaking Kihyun’s daydream. “I missed you too” he grinned back, trying to keep his voice down. He looked at his door and chewed his lip again. “What’s wrong?” Shownu furrowed his eyebrows, frowning slightly. “Oh nothing, it’s just a bit tense here still” he tried to feign a smile, he had been so focused on Shownu he had briefly forgotten the carnage he had caused. “Your dad?” Shownu pressed gently, he was looking up at Kihyun with his soft eyes. His lips pursed waiting to say more but hesitant to push, his tongue flicked across his bottom lip and he cleared his throat. Kihyun suddenly snapping back to reality, breaking eye contact, “Yeah, doesn’t like my earrings” he said eventually. Shownu frowned again, this time he looked away, Kihyun admired his side profile, the light hitting his sharp jawline. He looked back, “is that all… you can talk to me if you want?” he said gently, his voice calm. “He, well, I, Urm, it’s kind of complicated but I’m a gay boy with conservative Christian parents” he stuttered nervously, he felt vulnerable, exposed. He didn’t want Shownu to look at Kihyun with all this emotional baggage and run a mile. “Ahhh, strict and not very accepting then,” Shownu said finally, his eyes darker more intense now. He wouldn’t know if he’d accept him or not, he never came out, he thought. He just shook his head slightly instead. “Let’s talk about something else, what have you been up to?” Kihyun giggled nervously, Shownu grinned back at him but the twinkle in his eyes was gone. “Been out for a run. Hoseok said I ruined his masterpiece eating so much cake” he giggled, shrugging slightly. “And now I have this guy I like, and I want to impress him too,” he said casually, staring at Kihyun. He squirmed under his gaze, he wanted him so badly. his tongue flitted across his bottom lip as his eye’s met Shownu’s. “I like you as you are” he giggled again. “I’ll accept your opinion when you are my boyfriend” he laughed, a deep guffaw in comparison to Kihyun’s giggles. “IF you mean, we’ve only had one date,” he said back sassily, rolling his eyes. “I already told you I want you. I’m just waiting” Shownu said flatly, his eyes dark and possessive. Kihyun froze, his insides burning with desire. How was he so upfront about his feelings? So blunt and proud? Kihyun tried to speak but the words got stuck in his throat, his mind replaying their kisses.  
“That doesn’t count as asking me out though” he stuttered feigning confidence, Shownu’s eyes sparkled in response. “Message read loud and clear” he grinned, gnawing on his bottom lip. “I’ve got to go; I really need to shower,” he said blowing a kiss at Kihyun. “Unless of course, you want to watch?” he joked, raising an eyebrow, winking at him. Kihyun blushed in response, “Goodbye Shownu” he giggled, blowing a kiss back and pressing the red button.


	6. Official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Recommendation: Woosung - Face
> 
> Minor Angsty moments!

Shownu paced around his apartment, it hadn’t been this clean since the day he moved in. He flopped down onto the sofa, exhausted. Shownu had been scrubbing the place since Kihyun agreed to come over after work for a dinner date, last night. In hindsight, he should have started cleaning then. He threw open the curtains in an attempt to create a homier atmosphere but instead it illuminated the disrepair and months of lack of care. His mind drifted back to the library, how neatly organised it was, how it gleamed and shone with tender loving care. Kihyun would have a fit if he saw the state of Shownu’s flat. He huffed and sighed, grabbing his car keys and rushing to the shop. 

He struggled to shove his large hands into the tight gloves with a snap, he was determined to make Kihyun proud. He scanned the front room; this alone was a disaster zone. Once he had tidied away the clutter and cleared the rubbish, he began to notice the level of neglect, there were marks on the sofa and walls. He groaned to himself, shifting around and scrubbing the wall. He reasoned with himself, he would only need to clean the places Kihyun may go so he could just dump everything in his room and shut the door and it would be fine. Unless… he felt his cheeks flush at the thought. He shook his head, he needed to focus on the task at hand and not get caught up in daydreams.   
Shownu had just finished sweeping and mopping when his phone buzzed on the side. He wiped the sweat off his forehead, pushing his hair back messily. I should clean more often, it’s a good workout he thought. It was a message from Kihyun saying he would still meet him at the bus stop at six-thirty. He grinned down at his phone, responding quickly. He hadn’t realised how comfortable he had got with Kihyun in such a small amount of time, he felt like a giddy teenager at the mention of his name. They had bantered back and forth all weekend and Shownu felt the spark getting stronger, he needed to make it official. Needed to know Kihyun was on the same page. He felt the fire burning in his chest, the hunger to have permission to kiss Kihyun whenever he wanted, motivating him to finish cleaning the house. He wanted to make a good impression. 

He dropped onto the sofa with a huff, exhausted. He had scrubbed every inch and corner, he looked around smiling, proud of himself. He had some free time so he even cleaned his room and tidied out his wardrobe, he found an old GOT7 poster in a box of things, he stuck it up on the wall to try and give it a bit of life. As he wandered back through the front room, getting ready to shower and wash up for the date. He smirked at the thought, he had kept himself busy all day and now he was beginning to feel excited and nervous. Just at that moment, his phone buzzed, he looked down at it in a panic as he rushed out the door, dialling Kihyun’s number. “Baby I’m so sorry I was working out I lost track of time, I’m on my way,” he said throwing himself out the front door.   
He turned the corner, his shirt clinging to his body with sweat. He grumbled in his head, this is not how he wanted to meet Kihyun, he was so determined to make this perfect he had made himself late and ruined it all. He could see Kihyun now, his small frame leaning gently against a lamppost. Shownu paused, drinking him in. The way his messy brown hair laid gently against his neck, his jacket hugged his shoulders, dipping in at his waist. The way the black fabric wrapped tightly around his thighs showing off the muscle drove Shownu mad. He breathed deeply, composing himself. “Hey baby,” he said, pulling Kihyun into a back hug. He wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him tightly. He nuzzled into his neck, breathing in his soft scent and planting a kiss. Kihyun giggled sweetly beneath him, turning to look up at him with twinkling eyes. “Ready to go?” he asked, slipping Kihyun’s bag off his shoulder and hoisting it onto his own. “Yes,” he replied chewing his lip playfully and taking Shownu’s hand. 

“You’re all sweaty” Kihyun complained without loosening his grip. “I’m sorry,” he said, ruffling his hair with his free hand. “I lost track of time, I’ll wash up as soon as I get back, I promise,” Shownu said with a wink, he watched as the blush covered Kihyun’s face almost immediately and grinned squeezing his hand teasingly. He looked down at him, the way the sunlight shone through his lashes, highlighting a small cluster of light freckles across his cheeks. He was so beautiful, Shownu stole glances when he could as Kihyun talked about his day at work. They walked towards Shownu’s apartment hand in hand, the next street they turned down was noticeably busier. Groups of people bustling back and forth and traffic built up in the road. He squeezed Kihyun’s hand reassuringly and felt him flinch, “Is this okay?” he said turning, suddenly looking confused and feeling hurt. “Of course, it is” he smiled up at Shownu weakly. He tried to free his hand but Kihyun gripped his tighter, his knuckles turning white as he held on. Shownu stopped wriggling his hand and looked up at Kihyun, his eyes were drooped, and he looked shocked. “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable” Shownu stuttered, the hurt on Kihyun’s face like a stab to the heart. He fell into Shownu’s chest, burying his face. “It’s fine, I’m just on edge, I’m sorry” Kihyun muttered. He let his arms fall gracefully around his back as they slotted together like two puzzle pieces. He breathed deep, cuddling back. He left a soft kiss on the top of Kihyun’s head, he leant back teary-eyed, moved onto his tiptoes and kissed him sweetly. Shownu’s brain a whirling mess of alarm bells, red alerts and melting into happiness and desire. “We’ll be seen!” he hissed, giggling, grabbing Kihyun’s hand once more and dragging him towards his apartment. 

He hopped down the steps playfully, Kihyun practically had to jump down them to keep up with him. The adrenaline spiking through his veins, he already felt like he was floating around Kihyun. The excitement from sneaking around like naughty teenagers just intensified his emotions. All his needs and desires heightened. He unlocked the door, holding the door open and bowing mockingly as Kihyun entered. He watched his reaction carefully, knots forming in his stomach. Kihyun wandered in and flopped down on the sofa, grinning broadly back at him. Suddenly, his basic, lonely apartment looked full of life and love. He cursed Hoseok under his breath, why did he always get the satisfaction of being right

******************************************  
Kihyun flopped himself down comfily onto Shownu’s sofa, he grinned back at him as he shut the door securely behind them. “Make yourself at home why don’t you” he growled, doubling over to kiss him passionately. Unlike the sly kiss, Kihyun had stolen earlier, this one was full of urgency. Kihyun traced his fingers lightly around his arm muscles, his nerves shivering in response. “Go shower smelly” he whispered, smiling against his lips. Shownu pulled away reluctantly and wandered away. Shortly after Kihyun heard the water begin to run and breathed deeply, taking a moment to compose himself. He sat forward observing the room around him. The walls were bare, some nails sticking out where pictures may have hung once. The place was tidy but not clean, Kihyun twitched a little, he could see that Shownu had made a tremendous effort but the dust on the bookshelf gave him away. He wandered over, it was mostly empty, two whole rows sat untouched. The handful of books propped up to the side were plain white and black, with some strips of blue or green. Nothing like the beautiful displays from the library. He had been around books enough to know that these were not for enjoyment for studying, he carefully pulled one out. ‘Writing 101’ was written in formal text across the front, he smirked. Shownu was clearly an intelligent man but he had yet to read anything he had written. The books were still in good condition, but it was clear they had barely been used and then abandoned. Kihyun wondered if he would donate them to the library…   
Kihyun strolled over staring out the window, feeling the sun on his face. He let the situation sink in, he was on a date. With a man, he really liked one who made his heart race and his knees weak and here he was standing in his home. He felt jittery, it had been years since he had been on a proper date. The last time he had loved it had ended in tears. He stood for a moment ruminating, he had loved him blindly and foolishly and after he walked all over him, he had handed Kihyun’s heart back in tatters. He was the reason he was afraid; he was the reason he believed no one was worth his time, worth leaving his comfort zone, worth being disowned by his parents. Now, he had Shownu and he was questioning everything he had learnt. Eager to dive in and live in this dream, where he and Shownu have a future, have a happy ending. A small smile spread across his face, every moment with Shownu is like a fairy tale and yet he was still too scared to make any moves. It suddenly occurred to him, he hadn’t really dated since college and he was inexperienced for his age, panic rising in his chest. He already found it hard to believe Shownu loved him despite all his baggage and flaws he wasn’t sure how to approach this subject as well. He rubbed at his face stressfully, running his hands through his hair. He stared absentmindedly out the window. 

Hands snaked around his waist, he felt Shownu’s hot breath against his neck and then his warmth as he cuddled into him. His mind suddenly blank, he could feel his damp skin through his shirt. He snuck a look down, realising Shownu was still in just a towel. He felt the flush travel across his neck and ears. He faced the window, gulping. He closed his eyes, focusing on nothing but the sweet citrus scent coming from Shownu. His arms slipped away, returning around Kihyun’s neck, he kissed and nibbled at his neck, stopping to tug on his ear gently. “What are you doing?” he giggled, jerking his head away awkwardly, staring up at Shownu. “Yahhh, don’t look at me like that! You aren’t my prey!” he guffawed, flicking Kihyun’s neck and sliding away. Kihyun turned to watch as he walked away, his muscular back on full display. Kihyun’s breath hitched his mind suddenly blank as he focused on the way the towel hugged the curve of his waist and butt. He is so attractive; how does he like me? Kihyun thought. 

Shownu returned a few moments later, in grey jogging bottoms and a plain black t-shirt that was hugging his body beautifully. He padded over lightly, grinning. “Better?” he said gesturing to himself, Kihyun felt the burn in his cheeks, “Actually no, I preferred you half-naked,” he said boldly. Something deep inside him reacted to the lip bite and smile he got in response. He wandered towards Shownu and dropped down onto the sofa snuggling into him, he watched as he flicked the tv on and began searching through the lists of dramas. “I thought we’d order some food and watch something together if that’s alright with you baby,” he said smiling down. Kihyun felt his whole body melt, every time he heard the pet name, he dissolved into a mushy mess at Shownu’s feet and he knew it. “Yes, I like that idea,” he said turning and slotting himself into Shownu’s lap. 

His phone buzzed in his back pocket pulling a small ‘oh’ sound from Shownu lips. He giggled naughtily and sat forward “Calm down tiger it’s my phone,” he said swatting at Shownu’s chest, he just grinned back at him. “I consider myself more a bear but ok” he winked, moving back allowing Kihyun to return to his previous position. He laid back and opened the message from Minhyuk.  
From Minnie: I miss you. Come over???   
He grinned at the phone, he had forgotten it wasn’t just his plans with Shownu that had been ruined when he was summoned home for the weekend. He typed a response; he knew Min would respond instantly.   
Ki: Can’t right now, on a date ;)   
Min: WHAT  
Min: THE FUCK  
Min: Why didn’t you tell me?!  
Min: or at least send me a selfie so I knew you looked presentable   
Ki: Forgot, its only Shownu plus I always look hot   
Min: Kiki, no….  
Ki: Kiki, yes!  
Min: Send me a pic. NOW  
Ki: I would but I’d rather not expose my dates thighs to you   
Min: Wait, have I interrupted something?  
Min: You better not be multitasking   
Ki: Ew!!!! No!!! we are just cuddling!!   
Min: Special cuddles? Ask me for consent before you involve me next time  
Min: Come tell me all the details tomorrow! I’m closing at 4, don’t forget!  
Ki: I don’t close until six!   
Min: Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Have a good night. xxxxxxxx  
He grinned childishly at his phone, trust Min to be his biggest cheerleader. He knew he could rely on him; he dropped his phone down onto his chest and turned to find Shownu watching him instead of the TV. “everything ok?” he said tilting his head to the side slightly, his tongue flickered across his bottom lip. “Yeah it’s just my best friend Minhyuk, you know the one I mentioned” Shownu was nodding in response, his face expressionless. “I usually go to his café and visit the puppies around work, and he was just checking up on me” he grinned, he was suddenly full of energy and excitement he could talk about Minhyuk all day if he could. He tried to read Shownu’s face and realised maybe he was confused. “Oh I probably should have mentioned it’s a one of kind café, there’s a pen with foster puppies that you can play with and adopt” he smiled up at him, it was like a light suddenly flickered on inside Shownu’s head. “Puppy palace” he stated confidently. “Yes!” Kihyun giggled “You know it?” he raised an eyebrow, as cute as he imagined Shownu covered in puppies would be, he didn’t think he would actively go looking for cute cafes like Min’s. 

“Wait, you’ve been?” he said breaking Shownu’s silence. He smiled, “Yeah, I met Hoseok there for lunch once, I liked it” he smiled brightly, “So Min’s that black-haired boy, yeah?” he stated, he looked away as if he was contemplating something. Kihyun admired his side profile for a moment, the curve of his nose and lips flowed so beautifully before he sweetly replied “What ya thinking about?” batting his eyelids up at Shownu. He turned back and smiled at him, Kihyun took his hand wrapping it back around him and kissed his knuckles lightly “Spit it out then” he said biting gently, Shownu pulled his hand away quickly laughing. “All right! Did you ever date him?” he stuttered nervously. “Ewwwwwww!” Kihyun whined loudly, he could feel Shownu’s body shake with laugher underneath him. “No, we’ve never, we’ve only ever been friends” Shownu raised an eyebrow at him, smirking slightly “Not even nearly?” he teased. “No!” Kihyun exclaimed digging his elbow into his thigh playfully, Shownu jumped and wriggled around him, jabbing and tickling at his sides in response. Kihyun was a fit of giggles and spluttering words of protest when Shownu ceased and wrapped his arms around him once more, kissing the top of his head. “If we are going down that route why aren’t you dating that Hoseok you always talk about?” he asked breathlessly, a hint of mischief in his voice. “I’m not subservient enough for him” he cackled in response, “No, but seriously, he is basically my brother, I don’t think he’s ever thought about me that way either,” he said thoughtfully. “I’ll ask him next time” he grinned cheekily, nuzzling into Kihyun’s neck, trailing soft kisses. “So, Min isn’t your type, but I am?” he whispered into Kihyun’s ear. He felt his entire body shudder at the feel of his warm breath, becoming hyper-aware of how close they were.

“I don’t think I’ve dated enough to have a type” he stumbled over his words, a lump forming in his throat. It wasn’t a complete lie; he had always ogled more muscular larger men with Min, but he hadn’t had the opportunity to actually date one until now. He heard Shownu take a deep breath behind him, the atmosphere began to shift, the playfulness dissipated only to be replaced with a tense silence. Kihyun shifted onto his side, moving slightly so he could lay with his head on Shownu’s chest. He pretended to be watching the TV, his stomach in nervous knots. Shownu’s large hand stroked the exposed skin at the base of his back sending an electric shock through his nerves. Kihyun was so afraid to ruin what they had but at the same time he knew they couldn’t go on like this, their relationship couldn’t be a secret forever. “I haven’t actually come out to my parents” Kihyun stuttered messily, he fought back the tears as he said it, he felt Shownu’s body tense and stiffen but he continued stroking his back slowly. “I only have my place and my job thanks to my father’s connections, he set me life up for me and I’m greatly indebted to him” he continued, he saw Shownu nodding along understandingly beside him, still holding Kihyun carefully. “He is very religious and strict; he is more like a general than a dad. He wouldn’t…. He wouldn’t accept me” the tears began to well in his eyes, spilling out down his cheeks, his voice starting to shake. Shownu sat silently, pain in his glossy eyes. “If he disowns me, I’ll lose everything, it’s all I’ve ever known, I just, I’m so scared” he spluttered. He couldn’t control the tears anymore; he had tried to hold the sobs back but now he was full-on ugly crying. Embarrassment and sadness washing over him. Shownu shushed him gently, still rubbing his back. “It’s okay to be scared” he practically whispered, Kihyun suddenly felt vulnerable and delicate. He usually hated exposing himself like this, hated people offering him pity. However, with Shownu there was no awkwardness, no pity just love and care. He was sharing his pain, the torment on his face stabbed at Kihyun’s heart. “It’s just, I’m happy and I really like you but we can’t stay like this forever you deserve to be more than a secret but I haven’t dated since college and he was awful and toxic and I don’t want to regret this, I don’t want to lose everything and then lose you too” Kihyun rubbed at his face aggressively, aware that he had now left a wet patch on Shownu’s t-shirt with his tears. He had rambled for long enough, too afraid to look up at Shownu. 

Shownu continued to rub his back gently, “We’re not fortune tellers, Ki” he stroked his hand along his cheek, tilting his head to look up at him. Kihyun looked up at his sparkling eyes, his brow furrowed slightly. “No-one knows what the future holds, no one can promise forever” he watched as his chest rose and fall. Found the rhythm hypnotising, felt his own ragged breath calming. “I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I really like you too” Kihyun sniffled, rubbing at his face gently. He sat back up, leaning against Shownu’s knees, staring into his eyes. Shownu leant forward slightly, a smile playfully tugging at his lips. “I think sometimes you have to do what is necessary to be happy” Kihyun grinned back at him, “yeah, you might be right, I’m sorry for all this” he flopped back on the sofa, mussing up his hair. “I know I’m right” he guffawed, turning away for a moment. He bit down on his bottom lip briefly causing Kihyun’s heart to race. “You don’t have to say sorry, you can just date me, and we’ll call it even?” He hitched an eyebrow up, smirking cheekily but Kihyun could see the nervousness on his face. He changed in almost an instant, his eyes cast downwards, and a blush blossomed on his cheeks. “Did you just ask me out?” Kihyun raised his eyebrow back, nudging his leg with his foot. Shownu continued to stare at his feet, twiddling his thumbs. “Yahhh!” he complained kicking out a little harder. “Hey! Stop! Yes!” Shownu said, shoving Kihyun’s leg away from him. “For real?” Kihyun questioned. “Yes! How many times do I have to say I’m mad about you! I don’t care that it won’t be easy I just want you” he said breathlessly. 

Kihyun moved across the sofa, clambering awkwardly until he was on top of Shownu, his small frame attempting to mirror Shownu’s. He had finally looked up, his eyes intense and fixated on Kihyun, he leant forward kissing his forehead, he felt Shownu’s eyelashes flutter shut. Moved down, kissing his cute nose, smiling to himself. He moved down, pausing inches from Shownu’s lips. Feeling his warm breath and his heavy breathing. His heart was in his throat, his pulse electric. “Ask me properly” he whispered, lips brushing against Shownu’s. A small moan like a whimper escaped Shownu’s mouth and Kihyun’s entire body shivered in response, his nerves tingling. “Will you be my boyfriend?” he stumbled over his words between his tattered breath. “Yes” Kihyun mouthed back, connecting with his lips, he heard and felt the low growl in Shownu’s throat, as he lessened the space between them, holding Kihyun tightly, his hands cupping his face delicately as he deepened the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are FINALLY together - i know it's slow burn i'm sorry but its getting there! Showki is now a - sort of - secret couple!


	7. Showki Begins...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Recommendation: Jae – Can’t take my eyes off of you (Cover)

The light snores emanating from his lap broke Shownu’s focus, he had been attempting to watch the drama but Kihyun had started them at episode five and he was lost. He lightly stroked his soft brown hair, letting it fall through his fingers. He smiled, he felt like his chest was going to burst with happiness. Kihyun nuzzled into him, his snoring getting louder. Shownu wanted to just wrap him up and put him in bed and it took all his self-control not too. He sighed gently, he would have had a lot of explaining to do if he spent a night away, and they had agreed to keep the world as oblivious as possible. He looked down at the beautiful boy snoozing safely in his lap, he never wanted to let him go but he knew he had to for now. He reluctantly shimmied out from underneath him, placing his head gently down on the sofa. He wandered into the kitchen, sliding on a jacket, he was now almost certain belonged to Hoseok and grabbed his keys. He walked back into the front room, looking down at Kihyun. He admired him for a moment, the way his small eyes became little crescent moons and adorned with long lashes. Soft, puffy cheeks concealing beautiful bone structure that showed at this angle, his soft pouty lips at ease. It’s odd Shownu had never met someone that looked the opposite to their personality, he was small and cute but he had a fiery passion, a confidence hidden beneath the surface, he was a man that was intelligent and when given the opportunity his domineering leadership skills would come into play. Shownu smirked to himself, remembering when they first met in the library. Even then his words didn’t match his appearance, he was protecting his nest, Shownu laughed out loud. He made a guttural noise as he caught the laugh, Kihyun began to stir on the sofa, he regretted waking him so harshly. “Come on baby, I’ll take you home” he soothed, hooking his arms around his neck and knees, he lifted him with ease. Kihyun snuggled back into his chest, his eyes only flickering open for a second. “Don’t… want… go…” he muttered lazily. Shownu’s heart constricted, it was taking everything he had already he couldn’t cope with Kihyun protesting too. He tried not to look down, eyes fixed on the path ahead. He turned into the parking lot, luckily this late at night there was lots of cars but not many people around. He haphazardly managed to unlock his car, laying Kihyun down across the backseat. He flopped down into the driver’s seat, sighing loudly. He looked into the mirror, drinking in the sight of sleepy Kihyun before he had to leave him. 

Shownu pulled up, he could see Kihyun’s building. He was only three streets away and yet he was still reluctant to let Kihyun walk home alone, an uneasy knot forming in his stomach and chest. He looked over his shoulder, the drive home hadn’t stirred Kihyun at all. “Baby, come on” he turned, poking at him gently, shaking him awake. “Hmmm??” Kihyun sleepily rubbed at his eyes sitting up. “Where am I?” he suddenly screamed, panicked, limbs flailing as he sat up, head whipping round in the car. “Hey! Hey! I’m taking you home!” Shownu matched his panic, his voice louder than he realised. He smacked the edge of the chair in anger, great start he thought. “Oh... oh I’m sorry” Kihyun squeaked, his voice cracking slightly. His face showed all emotions, like he wasn’t awake enough to hide them. He looked lost and hurt, he was so tiny and vulnerable alone on the backseat. “I’m not angry at you… I’m sorry, I should have woken you up properly, I did try” he stuttered in a panic, his chest aching, he wanted to reach out and smother the boy but didn’t. “No, it’s ok, I was just confused that’s all” he straightened himself, Shownu could see the mask of confidence returning. He shrugged and began climbing through the car until he flopped down into the passenger seat beside Shownu. He turned, grinning. Shownu felt the weight on his chest lift slightly. He reached out his hand and Kihyun took it, intertwining their fingers. “Thank you for driving me home” he began, taking a deep breath, like he was thinking his next words over carefully. “I didn’t know my boyfriend could drive” he said, feigning a smile. Ah, that’s why he was so terrified. “Ah, it never came up did it? Don’t worry I wouldn’t sell you in your sleep, you’re safe with me” he joked back, trying to lighten the mood but hoped Kihyun understood the sentiment, he felt a fierce need to protect him. Kihyun giggled sheepishly, planting a kiss on the back of Shownu’s hand. He replaced his lips with his thumb, circling gently. Shownu enjoyed the sensation for a moment, the pain of having to let him go returning. “It’s late, you have work tomorrow, you need to go home” he mumbled, hoping he didn’t sound like a sulky child. “I know” Kihyun said back, the sadness apparent in his voice. “We’ll do this again soon?” Kihyun giggled, his eyebrow raised. Shownu leant towards him, “Well isn’t that what boyfriends do?” Shownu shrugged helplessly, laughing. “I wouldn’t know” Kihyun retorted, jabbing gently at his chest, he knew the confusion and thought was apparent on his face “Either do I” he said hopelessly. His blank expression just made Kihyun laugh more, he threw his head back loud ‘bahahaha’s’ bouncing round the car. He grinned at Shownu, the light had returned to his eyes and his cheeks were glowing rosily. “At least we are hopeless together, I’m glad you’re my boyfriend” he said, his words dripping with honey. Every syllable of boyfriend sounded like music to Shownu. “Me too” he grinned, closing the space between them kissing him softly. His body screamed at him to close the space, to deepen the kiss but he pulled back reluctantly. “Go, home” he giggled and watched as Kihyun huffed and opened the car door. Shownu watched as he moved, eyeing up his bum and his thighs in his tight jeans, he licked his lip subconsciously. “Are you checking me out?” Kihyun’s voice broke his reverie, his face beaming down at him from the car door. Shownu felt the blush burn at his cheeks instantly, he knew he should speak but he couldn’t form words. “Next time you touch too” he winked and skipped away, Shownu attempted to say something back but it came out a jumbled mess of sounds and noises. He could hear Kihyun’s laugh and snort get quieter as he walked away from the car. 

As soon as Kihyun was out of sight, Shownu sent him a text to make sure he was in the building without difficulty, as soon as a reply filled his screen, he started the ignition once more. His brain was buzzing, a grin plastered on his face. He had a boyfriend; this was uncharted territory for Shownu, and he was suddenly aware of how long he had been alone for. He knew there was one person he had to share this with, Hoseok. His body had taken him there on autopilot, he realised as he turned into the parking lot. The lights were still on, he knew they would be, it’s not like he would be anywhere else. He wandered towards the large glass door, hitting the buzzer on the side. “It’s me” he said playfully, into the receiver. A loud buzz signalled he could enter; he pushed the doors open and wandered through. Most people would find walking through an empty workplace in the dead of night eerie, but this was normal for Shownu, he turned sliding into the reception. His eyes inadvertently focused on Dan-I’s desk, she wouldn’t be here this late, although she had been on occasion. Her desk was immaculate unlike the bombsite hidden behind the door. He smirked, many different pranks filled his mind and he fought the urge to mess it up. He shoved the door open, Hoseok was sitting behind his desk, he didn’t even look up to greet up him. His hair was wild, and he was muttering away to himself, Shownu knew better than to interrupt his creative process, he flopped down onto the nearest sofa.  
He looked around, the office was messier than usual, he huffed staring down at a bunny plushie. He stared at the ceiling for a while, bored, listening to the small sounds of the pencil meeting paper. He glared at the bunny for a while, eventually he shoved it onto the floor. “What did he do to you?” Hoseok said loudly, not looking up. “He’s creepy looking” Shownu reasoned, kicking it away with his foot. “You won it for me at Jeju, don’t you remember?” he leant back, running his hands through his hair before he huffed and continued working. “I’ve won you many bunnies over the last ten years, I don’t remember every single one” he shrugged, getting himself comfortable. “Just because I won it doesn’t mean you have to keep it” he snorted, eyeing up a blanket thrown over the back of the chair. He had to will himself not to snuggle up and go to sleep. He watched Hoseok carefully, he didn’t look stressed, but he was tense. Most people would look fatigued working in the middle of the night, but he looked natural, his eyes glistening happily as he transferred beautiful thoughts onto paper. 

Shownu huffed to himself, feeling like a sulky child desperate for his friend’s attention, he wandered back out of the office. He eyed up Dan-I’s desk once more, this time the boredom fuelling him to be naughty. He stood at her chair, scanning the surroundings, pink post-it notes catching his eye. He grinned mischievously, he began folding them and sticking them in the shape of a heart. He scribbled an S on one and smacked in into the middle. He leant back appreciating his artwork. He slinked off into her office, waiting for the coffee machine to whirl into life, he yawned lazily, the adrenaline from Kihyun’s presence beginning to wear off. He sluggishly carried the two cups back into Hoseok’s office, he gently placed one cup down next to him, sliding it towards him. “Sorry, I just had to finish this” he said, finally looking up. Shownu could see the glisten in his soft eyes, knew he was delighted. He felt the knot of worry in his chest unfurl. He looked down at the sketch, it was a magnificent outfit. Two concepts clashing together, cute, bright colours popped off the page, but the style was more mature. It was a basic shirt at the front but with a transparent silk cut-out at the back, trailing down onto bright blue trousers with buckles here and there. “For Hyungwon?” he questioned, Hoseok just nodded in response. “You really hated what you saw Saturday that much you had to upgrade it, huh?” he teased, smacking Hoseok’s shoulder playfully. He didn’t so much as wobble under his touch which reminded him of Kihyun who would have gone flying. Hoseok grinned up at him, “I didn’t hate what I saw… it just could have been better” he reasoned shrugging. “It’s stunning as always” Shownu beamed. 

He flopped back down on the sofa, sipping at his coffee, he watched as Hoseok pushed his chair back turning towards him and began drinking his cup too. He tried to hide his smile; coffee was always the way to get Hoseok’s attention. “So why are you here then my friend?” he gestured to all of Shownu, grinning broadly, a little giggle filling the room. “You aren’t the only one with an active love life anymore” he said quickly, taking a big gulp of coffee so as not to see the shocked look on Hoseok’s face. “The librarian?” he questioned; his brow furrowed slightly. Shownu nodded, trying to hide the goofy smile on his face. “I took him on a date after work today and finally asked him and he said yes” he beamed, looking at his feet, he felt his cheeks flush. “I thought there were… roadblocks” Hoseok said shortly, he was obviously trying to choose his words carefully. “Well yeah, there still are, he hasn’t come out so we’ve got to work around that but I really really like him” he gushed, he looked up at Hoseok who was leaning back, his arms crossed over his large chest. “Now who’s the one that’s whipped?” he giggled loudly, his laughter was infectious and Shownu couldn’t help but laugh back as he launched bunnies in his general direction. “Hey!” he barked but Shownu didn’t stop, he felt more childish than ever. Happiness has that effect on you, he thought as they continued playfully. Based on the fact that Hoseok retaliated, giggling and running around the room, he decided it was love that has that effect on you.  
They both flopped down onto the sofa, breathlessly. Shownu thrown over Hoseok’s body. Limbs a tangled mess, bunnies crushed beneath them both. “I’m pleased for you and I’m here if either of you need me” he said suddenly. Shownu felt his heart flutter, he hadn’t met him yet but that was Hoseok’s seal of approval. “Same for you two. We’ll be your biggest cheerleaders!” he grinned, tickling his sides. Hoseok, wriggled messily underneath him, giggling loudly. “I think he’d like that” he said breathlessly when Shownu finally stopped. Shownu untangled himself, standing up and stretching widely. He glanced down at Hoseok, he had rolled onto his side and was snuggling a bunny, Shownu leant over him and flicked the blanket over him. He looked up at him, his eyes heavy and yawned. “I’ll see you soon, get some sleep” he said, ruffling Hoseok’s hair, the wild mix of blonde and blue sliding through his fingers. He walked away flicking finger hearts through the door before closing it quietly. He felt at ease, to the outside world him and Kihyun were just two men but to everyone in his world, they knew and that was all he needed.  
******************************************  
Kihyun wandered around the library, it was another bright, sunny, spring day so it was quieter than usual as most students opted to study outside instead. He used to enjoy the silence, time to sing, to clean, to read but now his mind was filled with Shownu and he found himself wasting time daydreaming instead. He let out a sigh, leaning on the counter, he opened his book in an attempt to look busy.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, only that he had read the same line about five times before the loud bang of the door broke his focus. Noise erupted around him instantly, he grinned up at the group of boys. Sanha led the pack, towering above them all. He skipped up to the counter, his round face and cute big eyes were familiar to Kihyun but the lilac mop on his head was new. “What have you done?” Kihyun laughed, swatting at him. Sanha had walked straight round the counter, slinking his arms round his waist and giggling loudly. “Hey!” Kihyun screeched laughing loudly as he was lifted off the floor and squeezed in a tight hug. “What I can’t show love to my tiny hyung?” Sanha teased, putting him down. “That’s your tiny hyung” Kihyun snorted pointing at Jinwoo, “I’m your boss” he laughed. Jinwoo mocked hurt and fell to the floor whining and moaning loudly, Sanha ran to his side jumping on him and they wrestled loudly in the lobby. 

Usually Kihyun would have lost his temper, the library was a place of quiet and order, but he was in a good mood and he couldn’t bring himself to ruin the moment. The other boys stepped over them and wandered over the sofas and tables making themselves comfortable. “Yahh, pack it in!” Another tall boy, got in the middle, pulling them apart and leading them towards the others. He looked familiar but Kihyun couldn’t put a name to the face. “Binnieeee” Sanha whined loudly as he was dragged by his leg across the library floor. Ah, Moonbin, Kihyun remembered. He was in the same class and he studied here often. He watched them happily for a moment before Rocky’s stony face caught his eye. He made direct eye contact, raising his eyebrow questioningly, Jinwoo looked between the two before imitating Rocky’s face. “What?” Kihyun stuttered. “Usually, you would have murdered us just for the noise” he shrugged, “Just worried you’re ill” he broke into a large smile, it was hard to believe he was younger than Kihyun when he looked and acted so maturely, he was good at quietly observing. “No, no, I’m just in a good mood that’s all” he laughed, running his hands through his hair. “Hmmmmm…. Book thief?” Jinwoo questioned, entwining his fingers with Rocky’s. Kihyun had admired and envied their relationship for so long, he desperately wanted to tell them the truth. “Something like that” he beamed, waltzing away to the back of the library. 

Kihyun clicked the key in the lock of the heavy doors, he wasn’t sure how he had survived the day, he felt ready to burst at the seams. He was suddenly questioning his need to keep his relationship secret when he wanted to scream it from the rooftops. He turned and headed towards the café, he needed Minhyuk. He needed to talk about his good news, he needed support and he needed his best friend. Minhyuk was always ray of sunshine, his bright, bubbly personality meant that he was warm and friendly to everyone around him and conversation flowed easily. Kihyun was thankful they were put in the same class, thankful Minhyuk had insisted to work with him or he’d have no one to turn to now. 

He could see the windows now, the café looked dark. He was thankful, if Minhyuk didn’t have idols in and had already closed it meant he had his full attention. He tucked his phone carefully by his ear, he had caught his earring more than once already and made it sore, listening to dialling tone. “Hi!” Minhyuk practically screeched down the phone, a habit Kihyun usually hated. “Hi, you in?” he said, trying to keep his voice calm and steady. “Hm. I might be, sure you’ve got time for me, don’t have a date to go to?” he said sarcastically, “Hmph. I do not but I can go hang out with my boyfriend instead if you’re busy” Kihyun retorted, trying to sound casual. “BOYFRIEND” Minhyuk screamed down the phone, “How quickly can you get here?” Kihyun could hear the excitement in his voice. “I’m practically outside” he giggled, Min hung up almost instantly and Kihyun knew he was coming to answer the door. 

He only stood outside for a moment before the door swung open and Min ushered him in, he strolled in, glancing into the pen at the sleeping puppies, they were all snuggled up, snoring peacefully he didn’t want to disturb them. He quietly turned and crept up the stairs, he opened the door to his apartment and turned, Min was no longer behind him. He stood still and listened for a moment, he could hear Minhyuk in the café below him, he thought and continued on. He wandered through into the apartment, pictures sprawled across the walls greeted him. Some photos of Min’s family, others old photos of them throughout the years. One large photo of them on the beach, smiling down at him was hung in a frame. He turned into the main area; it was a large open space. It was basic and felt empty to Kihyun but somehow perfect for Minhyuk. His furniture was necessity only but paintings and pictures on every wall and every available surface was adorned with ornaments and trinkets. 

Kihyun slipped comfortably onto the sofa, looking up at a large canvas above the TV. He recognised it immediately, it was a whale, painted in pinks, purples, blues and greens with little stars at the top. It was the first time he had seen Minhyuk display it. Just at the moment he heard the door click shut and Minhyuk entered. Shownu’s question of why they never dated played on Kihyun’s mind, but Min was just Min. His black hair framed his face beautifully, his soft puppy dog eyes complimented his round cheeks and he was as cute as the puppies he fostered. He looked good too, Kihyun noted. Even in a grey t-shirt and light blue jeans that were splattered with paint. He loved him, but as a brother, as a friend, he wasn’t attracted to him, he decided. “You finally put it up?” he said gesturing to the whale. “Yeah, I figured it was about time!” he yapped, dropping down on the sofa, two wine glasses clinking in his hand. He poured out the scarlet red liquid, staring into Kihyun’s soul. “I want all the details” he said excitedly. “It’s not like that!” Kihyun yelped back, scandalised. “He just asked me whilst we were watching tv!” he giggled, Minhyuk looked disappointed. “That’s hardly Romeo and Juliet worthy, is it?” he moaned, downing his drink and pouring another. “Well I’d hope not, that’s a tragedy” Kihyun snorted back, finishing his own drink. “No, it’s not it’s a love story!” Minhyuk whined loudly, swatting his arm at Kihyun who choked on his drink trying to get away. “They both die Min! Did you read the book?” he spluttered, coughing loudly. “No, they don’t” he protested, as he poured Kihyun another glass. He batted at him with a cushion “ARE.YOU.ARGUING. WITH.A. LIBRARIAN” he huffed between hits. Minhyuk squealed and giggled beneath him, desperately holding his glass still. “So, what happens now?” Minhyuk asked when Kihyun finally stopped beating him with the cushion. 

The tone changed almost instantly, much more serious and tense. Kihyun took another large gulp of his wine, “Well, for now, only you know and if it goes well… I guess I’ll have to come out” he grimaced, looking down at his feet, twiddling his fingers. Minhyuk reached out and squeezed his hand, “that sounds like a plan” he smiled feebly, it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ll support you, no matter what” he said, pulling Kihyun into a cuddle. He wasn’t sure why, but the tears came quickly. Splashing down onto Min’s shoulder. “He makes me so happy already, Min, he may be the one” he sniffled trying to get a hold of his emotions. “I know, it’ll be ok” Min refilled their glasses once more and they toasted to love, giggling gently, a blush forming across Min’s cheeks. “So, what about you?” Kihyun prodded, Min’s blush burned brighter. “Oh… spill!” Kihyun quickly realised his intuition was correct. “Things have been going well” he grinned, Kihyun hadn’t seen him this happy in a long time, although he had reservations about this stranger. He knew Min was too trusting and relaxed and wanted to meet the guy for himself. “We’ve been on a few dates and yeah it’s going well” Kihyun frowned slightly, downing another glass of wine. “What do the guys think of him?” he said raising an eyebrow, Minhyuk avoided his gaze. “I haven’t let him in with the idols yet, I just need to be sure” he muttered, downing his own glass of wine, he went to get another, but the bottle was empty. He staggered off into the kitchen, Kihyun realised how grown up Minhyuk had become since starting his café, he was so proud. He felt the tears well up again just in time for Min to return and refill both their glasses. Kihyun wiped the tears away quickly, “What’s the sex like?” he asked quickly, Min spluttered and spat out his drink “Ki!!” he screeched, giggling loudly. “What?! I am a good Christian boy I need to live precariously through you!” he laughed wildly, snorting. “Good Christian boy my left butt cheek!” Min retorted, kicking out at him. “We haven’t got that far yet anyway” he pouted. “You?” he said pushing Kihyun and downing another glass. “Good Christian boy remember” he winked, downing his glass. “and we only started yesterday, how fast do you think I move?” he laughed, wandering off into the kitchen. “I don’t know, how fast do hamsters move?” Minhyuk giggled, spilling his drink. Kihyun huffed and stumbled trying to clean up the mess, the bottle and half of wine starting to affect him. 

“Mr Woo’s going to notice if I’m home late two days running” he said, snuggling into Min, he broke off contact and staggered down the stairs, he was certain all their giggling and shushing each other probably woke the puppies. He fell into the cab, desperate to get home, the wine had given him a headache and he was beginning to feel dizzy. He stumbled out the cab, bowing politely and fell into the lift. He looked at his blurry reflection and grinned goofily at this very moment he didn’t have a care in the world.


	8. A Friend In Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Recommendation: For the first half of this chapter - The Rose - Red  
> For the second half - Lewis Capaldi - Someone You Loved. (A.C.E. also do a fantastic cover of this song!)

  * _Over the next two weeks, Showki continue with their everyday lives, their relationship a secret to everyone but their best friends –_



Shownu turned away from the stall, he glanced round the shop unable to find Kihyun. Kihyun had insisted they go to the museum to expand their knowledge but all Shownu had learnt was that Kihyun was small enough and quick enough to get lost very easily. He huffed, grabbing at a stuffed dinosaur and wandering over to the till. He stepped out of the shop, a paper bag in his hand, scanning the area for Kihyun. It was so crowded he decided it was hopeless and wandered outside. He sat on the stone steps staring up the sky, it was very mild for spring and he was grateful for the nice weather. He leant back closing his eyes, feeling the warmth on his skin. He stayed that way, listening to the hustle and bustle around him for a while until a familiar laugh drew him out of his stupor. He squinted across the courtyard, lifting an arm up to block out the sunshine. He grinned wide. There was a street performer, painted entirely gold striking poses as opposed to acting like a statue. There was a small boy, a blur of brown hair, pink jacket and soft blue denim jeans, bending down snapping photos with a large black camera. Shownu admired him from a far, watched how gracefully he shifted positions, how he giggled so innocently and his childlike wonder. He was shameless as he rolled around in the dirt to get the best angles and shots, grinning widely as he did.

Shownu wandered towards him slowly, he was showing the performer the pictures and they were both talking animatedly. “Hey, I wondered where you’d wandered off to” he said grinning, Kihyun jumped slightly but his smile never dropped. “Ah, sorry, I got a bit carried away!” he giggled, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand. Shownu’s heart skipped a beat, his happy crescent moon eyes, the little wrinkles at the side and the sun making his face glow; he looked so beautiful. He realised Kihyun was saying something to him, “-So if you don’t mind, could we? I’d get some really good shots that way I’m just not tall enough!” Kihyun was staring up at him now, his eyes glistening hopefully. “Wait what?” Shownu laughed back. Somehow, he had been roped into being used as a human ladder, he hoisted Kihyun up onto his back just like he had done on their first date and he wriggled up onto his shoulders, letting his legs dangle either side of Shownu’s neck. He steadied himself and began snapping photos and hollering instructions to the performer. He hadn’t seen this side of Kihyun, somehow childish and bossy at the same time, he liked it. After a while, Kihyun yelled happily, “Yahh! These look amazing!” He exclaimed, wobbling. “Hey, do you think you could return the favour and take a photo of us?” Shownu asked sheepishly, handing the performer his phone. He agreed and took it, Shownu suddenly aware of how wobbly Kihyun was as he tried in vain to steady him. With a shout he slipped backwards, Shownu gripping onto his legs to stop him falling. All three of them were a giggling mess at this point, the performer holding up Shownu’s phone waiting, Shownu’s standing awkwardly with Kihyun’s legs wrapped around his waist and Kihyun who had achieved some form of deep stretch, his legs in the air wrapped around Shownu but his back bent and his hands holding him up. He slowly managed to pull himself up, using Shownu’s shirt for leverage, all red faced and breathless. He nuzzled his face into Shownu’s neck wheezing, his face wet with tears from all the laughter. Never a dull day, Shownu thought rolling his eyes, he adjusted Kihyun on his back as the performer bowed low and handed his phone back. He attempted a timid bow back afraid to drop Kihyun who was

shouting words of thanks from behind him. “I can’t take you anywhere” Shownu guffawed as he strolled across the courtyard with Kihyun snuggled into his back, “This is nice” he murmured back.

******************************************

Kihyun chewed his lip nervously standing in the lobby waiting for Shownu. He was beginning to get braver but being out in public like this still put them at risk. He glared down at his wrists as if there were actual shackles there, but his pale skin just glared back. A voice broke him out of his daydream, he grinned up at him. Shownu’s hair had gotten slightly longer his brown bangs framing his face. He was as beautiful as ever, Kihyun’s heart leaped and the butterflies in his stomach awoke. It was just a movie, Kihyun reasoned. Friends go to the cinema all the time, he breathed a sigh of relief, “Hey Hyung” he said back trying to keep his voice steady, Shownu smirked back at him casting his eyes down at the floor. Kihyun caught the flick of his tongue over his bottom lip before he looked back up. “Shall we go?” he said casually and they both wandered in together. Kihyun stole glances at Shownu as they walked, his stunning side profile, the way his shirt hugged his muscles and his large hands swaying gently at his side. He felt the urge to grab his hand and kiss it arise, he shoved it down. He had to wait; he was beginning to hate waiting. To hate the secrecy. He had a feeling Shownu was struggling with it too and yet he never said, never pushed or pressured him. His heart stung a little more, he was so perfect.

They sat down in the cinema, keeping the casual façade up until the lights dimmed. Shownu placed his hand on Kihyun’s thigh stroking gently, he panicked glancing around them. They were pretty much alone in the back three aisles, he breathed a sigh of relief, removing his hand from his leg and intertwining their fingers. They sat comfortably close enjoying the movie undisturbed for the most part, only springing apart if someone passed them to leave. Kihyun suddenly felt Shownu’s hot breath on his neck, “Wanna make out?” he breathed into Kihyun’s ear, he felt the blush rush to his cheeks and all his nerves tingle as he nodded slowly. They both suddenly hesitated, giggling quietly as their lips connected in the dark theatre.

******************************************

“Stop! I’m trying to work!” Kihyun whispered his demands, trying to hold back laughter. Shownu continued to cuddle him from behind, pinching his butt every now and then. Laughing at his reaction, helping him put books up on the top shelf. “So, no one’s here and if they were, they can’t see us” he said, planting a soft trail of kisses from Kihyun’s neck to his shoulder causing him to drop the book he was holding. He slapped back connecting with Shownu’s arm. He feigned pain and sloped off to the sofa, “Fine” he whined as he sat back watching Kihyun stack the shelves, neatening the books. His phone buzzed, Hoseok. A short text, “I’ve fucked up”. That was all Shownu needed, he quickly kissed Kihyun and after a rushed goodbye ran out of the library. He stood for a moment on the path, weighing up his options he could go home and drive over, or he could go by foot. He hopped on the spot momentarily before charging off in the direction of the studio.

He turned and ran through the parking lot; the glass doors were finally in sight. His chest felt like it was on fire, adrenaline fuelling him to keep running. He stopped and doubled over to catch his breath, as he looked up, he came eye to eye with Dan-I. “I was at the library” he panted, trying to explain his appearance. A hollow shell of Hyungwon stood beside her, his eyes fixated on the ground, Shownu tried to hide his frown but failed. A million questions whirled around his head, he barely knew him, yet wanted to wrap Hyungwon in a hug, but he knew it would be unwelcome. “Shownu” Dan-I said sternly, catching his attention “Get upstairs, he needs you” he nodded at her, her demeanour was calm and in control, but her eyes revealed all the emotions she was bottling up. The panic began to rise in his chest. Within a heartbeat he ran past her, through the lobby and sprinted up the stairs. He bounded into the hallway, he could see a figure crumpled on the floor, could hear the loud, pained sobbing despite the distance between them. He looked in disbelief and his heart stung at the sight, Hoseok sat slumped against the wall, his head in his knees, his shoulders heaving as the tears fell uncontrollably.

He crept towards him slowly, sinking to the ground beside him. “Hoseok” he said hesitantly, trying to keep his voice steady and gentle. He lifted his head slightly, revealing puffy red eyes. Shownu felt his heart shatter at the sight, he cleared his throat. Hoseok needed him to be strong for the both of them at this moment, he couldn’t cry. Hoseok slipped sideways, falling into Shownu’s embrace, he wrapped his arms around him, attempting to comfort him. He had never seen Hoseok so broken, so hurt, so small and vulnerable, not even when Nina left. Shownu slowly rubbed his back, feeling his breath hitch and his body tense as each cry escaped. “Hey, try and breath with me ok. Deep and slow” he murmured, focusing on his own breathing. It was in this moment, he realised how much they both relied on Dan-I, how she mothered them, helping them in their weakest moments. “Count to ten, like Dan-I when we wrestle” he said softly, rubbing his palm in circles across his muscular back. He felt a jolt beneath him as a strangled attempt to laugh escaped Hoseok’s raw throat, the sound felt like a stab to his heart.

“Where… is… he?” Hoseok panted, swallowing hard. His breathing finally slowly. “Safe” Shownu said shortly, his protective instincts kicking in. Hoseok breathed a sigh of relief, rubbing at his face. He untangled himself from Shownu, sitting up. He stared at the elevator doors, almost willing them to open. His cheeks were pink, and tear stained, his lip still trembling as he attempted to regain composure. He pawed at his face aggressively once more and turned to face Shownu. His heart had already shattered, and this felt like someone was stomping on the pieces, his eyes were dark and hollow. The playful, beautiful twinkle had been extinguished. “Where is he?” he repeated, his voice still shaky. “With Dan-I” Shownu confirmed, staring at him reassuringly. “I will take you. Once you are calm” he said sternly, it felt unnatural, he was never usually the authority with his elder friend. “I can calm down in the car” he said defiantly, Shownu chuckled. “I ran here” he stated. “That’s why you smell so bad” Hoseok said, he gazed up at Shownu, his lips twitched, falling short of a smile which caused a twang of pain once more in his chest.

Shownu thanked the driver once more, slamming the car door shut. Hoseok was frozen, staring at the front gate longingly, his whole body tense. Shownu slapped a hand down on his shoulder, smiling weakly. “You ready?” he said warmly, pressing the buzzer before Hoseok could respond. Eun-Ho’s voice filled the silence as the gate slowly opened. He stared at Hoseok, watching as his face became stonier. “Ready?” he asked once more, a sudden wobble in his voice. Hoseok had flipped completely, a flicker of fire in his eyes. “Yes” he said flatly. Shownu watched him transform before his eyes, like a hungry wolf, so close to his prey. He stormed into the house, barely pausing to remove his shoes. Eun-Ho stood at the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed over his chest. He stared him down, Shownu couldn’t help but laugh to himself, he had obviously tried to puff himself out to match Hoseok’s side. “I want to see him” he demanded, he crossed his arms to mirror Eun-Ho, raising an eyebrow as he challenged him. It was like watching two fluffy teddy bears fight, Shownu mused. “When Dan-I says you can” he growled back, staring over Hoseok’s shoulder, Shownu adverted his eyes, he wasn’t sure he wanted to pick a side in this. “NO” Hoseok bellowed suddenly, attempting to shove past Eun-Ho “Shownu!” he shouted suddenly as he was knocked over, falling back on the stairs. Hoseok moved fast but Shownu moved faster, wrapping his arms around his large biceps and dragging him backwards. He wriggled and kicked out, like a distressed toddler. “I need to see him!” he cried out, writhing in Shownu’s arm as he wrapped around him, hugging him, holding him against the wall. Eun-ho stared up at them in shock. “This has nothing to do with any of you!” his screams were tinged with sadness “let me take him home, fix this” he choked, tears streaming down his face. His elbows connected and Shownu winced in pain, scrambling for his wrist as he tore away. “Let me go!” he bellowed, trying to shake him off and Shownu argued back, their words becoming nothing but angry noises. Eun-Ho suddenly shot up, “You are going to upset Dan-I!” he suddenly screamed, “If you don’t calm down, I’ll throw you both out my house!” he stood, chest heaving and cheeks flushed red, staring them both down like a disappointed father. They sprang apart quickly, going silent and staring at their feet. “I’m sorry” Shownu said bowing low, elbowing at Hoseok to do the same. He glared down at him, before bowing slightly.

Eun-ho bustled around in the kitchen, cups clacking as he made tea. Hoseok and Shownu shared an apologetic look, sitting in silence. “I’m sure she’ll be down soon” Eun-Ho murmured with a weak smile as he passed the cups out, he flopped down on the sofa, letting out a heavy sigh “What a day” he huffed with a shy giggle. Shownu smiled and took a sip of his tea, watching Hoseok intently. He was staring at the staircase, absentmindedly, tugging at the sleeves of his jumper. Shownu and Eun-Ho attempted to engage in small talk but the conversation died on their lips, both of them stealing glances at Hoseok.

Finally, he turned to them, clearing his throat. “Do you think I could go up now?” he pleaded, his eyes softer now. There was a sharp intake of breath beside them and then Eun-Ho nodded, Shownu gave him a small smile. He jumped up off the sofa and crept silently up the stairs, he was surprisingly nimble for a man of his size. Shownu turned his attention to Eun-Ho, “So what actually happened?” he laughed gently, rubbing the back of his head. “You don’t even know?” Eun-Ho laughed back, “You are a good friend” he grinned. “The trip to Italy didn’t go down well” he grimaced, Shownu stared at him in shock. “Oh” he muttered, taking another sip of tea, a loud buzzing interrupted their conversation. “That should be Woosung and Mike!” Eun-Ho said jumping up to answer the door.

The silence was broken by a loud rabble of voices, men talking over each other. Woosung gave Shownu a confused smile as he dropped down into the chair. Shownu slipped away taking this opportunity to check on Hoseok. As he crept up the stairs, he heard Mike whine loudly “What do I tell the company?”, It suddenly hit Shownu, they had technically kidnapped an idol. He smirked to himself, but it died on his lips as he entered the room. Hyungwon was tucked into bed sleeping peacefully, Dan-I was tucked up in a chair next to him and Hoseok was kneeling beside her. He tiptoed forward, gently placing his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. “Hoseok, what do we do about his company?” he whispered and they both looked up at him, still teary-eyed. He gestured towards the sleeping figure, “It’s getting late. Mikes downstairs with Woosung, they are happy to run interference, but they need to know what the plan is”. He watched as Hoseok snuggled back into Dan-I, “I have no idea” he said, Dan-I suddenly shifted in the chair, watching over Hyungwon. She shushed them and waved them away. They both nodded in agreement and wandered down the stairs together, they gave polite bows and slotted themselves in around the other three men. They all sat in nervous silence, fidgeting every now and then. The stairs suddenly creaked and they all gazed up to see Dan-I in shock, as she looked down at all their expectant faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the posting delay and the angst, i blame both on Girl Aghase ;)


	9. A New Plan

Shownu blinked away the fatigue, “Any ideas?” Dan-I’s voice reverberated around the room, he stared up at her blankly, he was sure that the other four men’s faces reflected his own. Hoseok lifted his head, a quiet voice emanating from beside Dan-I, “We have to work out a way for him to feel confident and protected while we are gone, especially because of the comeback schedule” Hoseok shrunk down as he spoke, his strength depleted. There was an array of voices as other members of the squad spoke up, Shownu only half understanding the situation nodding along. “- Mike can keep his eye on the situation in between” Dan-I ended, the atmosphere seemed to have brightened, small smiles were forming, and everyone seemed engaged. Shownu leant forward, eyes connecting with Hoseok who was beside Dan-I, calming down under her touch. He attempted a reassuring smile, “I will stay in touch and introduce him to Kihyun, and his friend is Minhyuk, we can meet him at The Puppy Café as he is the owner” Hoseok nodded back in appreciation. Dan-I stifled a yawn, causing Shownu to yawn deeply himself, closing his eyes and stretching wide. He rubbed his bleary eyes and as his vision cleared, he saw Dan-I and Mike leave the room and Woosung was slung back over the sofa. He strode towards Eun-Ho just as Hoseok spoke softly “Can I just go see him before I leave?” he pleaded with large eyes. Eun-Ho turned to Shownu raising his eyebrow, as if he were searching for parental agreement. Shownu smirked at the thought and reached out, holding Hoseok’s elbow gently, “Come on. I will walk up with you to say your goodbyes for now” as he led Hoseok towards the stairs quietly.

He stopped, leaning against the doorframe and ushered Hoseok forward, he only took a few steps before freezing. Shownu stared down at the skirting board, trying to disappear and not look awkward, Hoseok let out a sniffly sound and he leapt forward placing his hands on his friends shoulders, he let out a small whisper in response. “I’m going to be away a month, what if he’s not here when I get back? I don’t think I could cope with that Shownu” Shownu squeezed his shoulder in response, a knot forming in his chest. “Look after him for me please, you understand what the problems are, don’t let people paw at him and upset him” Hoseok continued and Shownu let out a low guttural growl in response. He didn’t know much about love, but he thought about how he would feel if this was him and Kihyun and that horrible thought alone gave him all the energy he needed to fight. Hoseok nodded at him, taking his lack of words as agreement, “Thank you my friend. Thank you for not pointing out what a screw up I am” He couldn’t suppress the smile if he tried, the number of screw-ups they’d experienced together, this wouldn’t be the last for either of them he thought. “You don’t need me to tell you that, you already know, no need for me to rub it in!” his tone was lighter, a tinge of playfulness seeping back in. Watching the boy sleep was peaceful and he could tell Hoseok was also feeling the effects, he braced himself as the man leant back into him. Feeling his weight against him was a comfort, compared to the wild tiger that he fought earlier in the day, he was now a tame housecat. He stood silently, attempting to ignore his drooping eyes, allowing Hoseok all the time he needed. “Ok, let’s go, I know he’s safe here and Mike will get him back to the company when he wakes up” Hoseok whispered breaking the silence, Shownu gave one last reassuring squeeze as he disconnected, shoving Hoseok forward slightly and slipping out the room. He bounded down the stairs, his whole body aching and yearning for sleep. He gave a shy smile to Dan-I and Eun-Ho and bowed low, grinning at their shocked faces as he stood up. He collected up Hoseok and they waved their exhausted goodbyes.

“I don’t need babysitting” Hoseok muttered, flopping down onto the bed, snuggling into a bunny instantly. “It’s not babysitting if I don’t look after you” Shownu spat back snarkily, giggling weakly. He dropped himself down onto the bed beside him, he wriggled uncomfortably, sneered at a bunny and launched it across the room. Hoseok snorted slightly, his eyes flickering closed, “I should really update Kihyun” Shownu sighed, finally drifting off to sleep himself.

******************************************

“YOU JUST DISAPPEARED” Kihyun bellowed down the phone “NO TEXT, NO CALL, NOTHING!” Shownu winced, his head still pounding from the night before. “I know I’m sorry baby-” he began but was cut off quickly by Kihyun’s shrill whine. “I didn’t sleep a wink! I was worried! You could have been hurt, you could have been dead for all I knew!” Shownu’s heart twanged with guilt and pain. “I really am sorry” he muttered, feeling like a naughty child. “It’s complicated, I promise I’ll update you properly when I see you later” he sighed, “My friends going abroad, he flies out today… he needs our help, I want to know if I can rely on you and Min?” Kihyun hummed angrily in response. Finally whining exasperated. “You know I will do anything you ask” he giggled slightly as he spoke and Shownu felt his heart flutter in response “I’ll try and get Min on board, ok?”, Shownu yearned to hug him and kiss him all over. “Thank you so much baby” he grinned and hung up. He turned on his heel re-entering Hoseok’s office and gave him a thumbs up. He flopped himself down on the sofa next him, everyone was looking on the rough side, but spirits were up. “Ok where are we at with the plan?” Hoseok said adamantly looking around, Shownu’s gaze followed his; Dan-I and Woosung smiling back at him. He grinned goofily, _What a team_ he thought. Dan-I cleared her throat, in full professional assistant mode once again, “Starship have agreed the appointments for the next 2 weeks, as far as they are concerned they are for fittings and publicity photos, each appointment is for 3 hours so that gives Shownu some flexibility in what to do” he nodded at her politely, remembering her anger from the night before, he stuttered searching for words. “The Puppy Palace is only round the corner and the Library with Kihyun is walkable from here” he said proudly, smiling over at Hoseok. He tutted and laughed in response “Use Mike and the car, don’t be walking around the streets with him you idiot” Shownu felt the embarrassment burn his cheeks. Of course, he’s an idol not an ordinary guy. He dropped his head, listening to the others speak, Woosung spoke up shifting forward. “You do realise that I actually need to take some publicity shots don’t you, he can’t just be running off with Shownu every appointment!” Shownu giggled at the thought, it sounded like they were planning a kidnapping not a business appointment. Hoseok nodded, turning to Shownu, warm eyes ablaze. “Is it too much to ask you to sort this out with Woosung so that the Collection photos are done?” he shook his head quickly, he knew from experience what needed to be done and Woosung was a capable partner. He gave Hoseok a reassuring smile before he clearing his throat and shifting nervously in his chair, he took a large swig of coffee to steel his nerves. “What do we do if he doesn’t agree with this plan?” Shownu asked tentatively.

“Why don’t you ask him?” said a voice from the door, Shownu whipped round in shock. Hyungwon’s tall body filled the door frame, a cold closed off look on his face. Mike stood slightly behind him, he shrugged apologetically. Shownu sat frozen in shock, he knew they would have to discuss it with Hyungwon but him appearing out of nowhere felt like the sting of ripping a plaster off. Dan-I was the only one to react efficiently jumping up and inviting them in, Shownu stared in disbelief, it was like his brain was running in slow motion. He felt Hoseok’s hand on his thigh and shifted towards him making more room on their sofa, his hand quickly retracted as Hyungwon floated past them, sitting on the opposite side. Dan-I took drink orders and scuttled away, stopping to give them a questioning look before she disappeared from sight. Shownu wanted to be helpful but all he could muster was his own confused look back, they sat in an awkward silence awaiting her return. He could feel the movement of the chair beneath him, the gentle but constant vibrating as Hoseok jittered, he reached out clasping his thigh, stilling the movement. He stared around at the walls and ceiling, feigning interest in a room he had seen a million times, sighing in relief when Dan-I re-entered.

He smirked to himself as Dan-I squished into the gap they had made for Hyungwon, everyone sat in apprehension, sipping their drinks awkwardly. A clink of a cup broke the silence, Hyungwon had put his cup down and was staring at Dan-I intently, “I’m here to hear the plan for while you are away with Hoseok” he stated softly “Mike says you’ve discussed what we are doing, I want to know please”. Shownu stared at the two, he sniffled slightly feeling surplus to requirement. He stared at the shell of the boy he met a few weeks ago, he sat stiff upright, no longer comfortable with his surroundings or companions. Shownu’s heart ached for them, his eyes were hollow and cold like Hoseok’s, his pale skin made him look sickly and the darker shade under his eyes exposed his exhaustion. Shownu was dragged back to reality as he felt the movement beneath his hand increase as he applied more pressure, Hoseok’s strong leg muscles twitched in response. Suddenly Hyungwon turned to Shownu, his expression unreadable, “Are you happy to do this when…...the others……are away?” he asked, his voice cold and detached. He pressed Hoseok’s thigh down further, pinning it to the sofa. “Yes of course. I’m very happy to spend some time with you, I’m just as happy to take a back seat if you need some time to be alone” he said, attempting to keep his voice steady and casual. Hoseok’s jittering slowed at his words and he released the pressure, flexing his hand muscles in relief. Shownu zoned out once more, trying to read Hoseok’s mood and watching Hyungwon as he spoke with Woosung and Mike. Hyungwon stood suddenly, making them all flinch in response. “Please send me an email of the appointments you’ve agreed so I know when I will be able to get away, I will need that, I will see you in 2 weeks” he turned to Shownu and bowed slightly, he stared in shock as he said “Thank you” softly and abruptly made for the door. Mike rushed behind him and Hoseok’s whole body twitched in response, Shownu shifted his weight, holding Hoseok down with all his might. They all stared at the figure in the doorway, sadness and anger bubbling in Shownu’s chest. “Goodbye” he whispered turning and leaving the whole room in silence.


	10. Tangled

As soon as Hyungwon was out of sight, Hoseok exploded out of Shownu’s grasp. The coffee table and its contents were send flying, attacking an innocent Woosung. Shownu shouted and wrestled to get a grip as Hoseok made for the door, he wrapped his arms round his waist pulling him back into a bear hug. He felt in a daze, only catching glimpses of the scene around him over Hoseok’s shoulder as he thrashed against him, screaming and shouting. He could see Dan-I’s tear streaked face, he attempted to scream out, to tell her to keep her distance but he was using all his strength holding Hoseok back and his words came out as laboured grunts. He could see Dan-I approaching, her voice calm and soothing, he braced himself for a moment trying to hold Hoseok still. She held his face, speaking softly. Shownu couldn’t hear her because of the pounding in his ears, his adrenaline surging. He felt his own muscles scream and twinge in pain, he could feel his grip loosening “HOSEOK STOP” he bellowed and threw himself back on the sofa, dragging the other two down with him.

Shownu regretted his decision immediately when Hoseok’s bulky body crushed him into the sofa, knocking the wind out of him. They both laid there, breathing heavily, the only sound was Dan-I’s sobs as she buried her face in Hoseok’s chest. Shownu attempted to shift slightly, reaching round to stroke Dan-I’s hair in apology. “I’m sorry” Hoseok repeated over and over, the pain in his cracked voice apparent. They stayed a strange, tangle of limbs until they’d calmed, and the office was silent once more. “You can let me up now” Dan-I mumbled quietly and Shownu reluctantly moved his arm, finally feeling free as Hoseok’s weight shifted from his chest. He took a deep ragged breath before standing up, fixing his clothes. “Thank you” Hoseok said, his eyes glowing slightly “Did I hurt either one of you?” he asked, Dan-I stroked his face lovingly, “I’m fine” she gazed over at Shownu and Hoseok whipped his head round suddenly panicked. Shownu feigned injuring clutching his chest, laughing as he did, “You really are an arse you know” he grinned. “Yes I know but you’re a bigger one!!” Hoseok grinned back as Shownu slipped a jacket over his large, aching shoulders. He glanced up at the clock, a lump forming in his throat, Kihyun would be worried. “You two ok if I nip out to the library for a couple of hours?” he asked hesitantly. Dan-I giggled in response “Go check out a book you mean?” she said teasingly. He dipped his head, trying to hide his blush. He wanted to avoid flaunting his new love life right now, “You ok clearing all this up?” he said gazing around at the destruction in the office. Dan-I grinned pushing him towards the door, “Go, go check on your friend” she laughed, putting extra emphasis on the word _friend_. Shownu, turned back, yelling to Hoseok over his shoulder “You want me to take you both to the airport later?” he questioned, and Dan-I released her grip, side stepping so he could see better. Hoseok just stared at her bewildered. She smiled politely, rolling her eyes “Eun-ho is taking me so why don’t you go with Shownu? I will meet you at the usual coffee shop in departures” Hoseok nodded in agreement, “Text me a time” Shownu shouted racing out of the office. 

******************************************

The door thudded shut and Kihyun was greeted with a red face dishevelled Shownu. He stared in shock, eyes flicking to Jinwoo behind the counter who gave him a knowing look. “I’m going to chill up the back whilst we’re quiet” he giggled and strolled off through the library. Kihyun gave him a shy smile back, it was going to be hard to explain this. His eyes settled back on Shownu as he run his hands through his hair, his cheeks flushed red. A small voice in the back of Kihyun’s mind commented on how delicious he looked and he fluttered his eyes shut for a moment trying to concentrate, he checked Jinwoo was out of sight before dragging Shownu behind the counter by his sleeve “Come with me!” he hissed and Shownu just nodded absentmindedly. Kihyun shoved him into the office, closing the door firmly. “What on earth-” Kihyun began and Shownu threw his arms around his waist pulling him into his lap. He let out a small squeal of annoyance before melting into him, holding his head gently. He planted soft kisses on his head and Shownu muttered and sighed in response. “That bad?” he prodded as his man hummed in agreement beneath him.

“If I ever do something to upset you, just tell me. Be upfront and honest, don’t let it escalate ok?” he said suddenly, staring up at Kihyun with sad eyes. “Hey, hey, baby” he moved round so he could kiss his nose. “You know I would, where’s this coming from?” he asked, no longer able to contain the concern and curiosity in his voice. “Hoseok” he stated “He has really hurt his friend and I-” his voice cracked, he cleared his throat and gave Kihyun a faint smile. “I don’t know what the future holds for them, I don’t want them to lose everything over nothing” he said adamantly. Burying himself into Kihyun’s chest, he sat in shock, playing with Shownu’s hair lightly. He seemed exhausted, emotionally and physically. Kihyun grinned down, admiring the way he clicked into place beside him. He watched as his chest rose and fell peacefully and admired, his sculpted arms, in a tight leather jacket he didn’t recognise. He asked questions here and there, prodding for information. Shownu gave useless, vague answers. He bit his lip anxiously, how could he expect him to help support and be a friend to a complete stranger? “Min said we can use the café whenever we want, just to give him a heads up in case of idols” he stated, twirling Shownu’s hair round his finger. He beamed up at him “That won’t be an issue” he laughed and Kihyun drowned in the sound. He leant down pecking him on the lips “You’re welcome” he said, bopping the tip of Shownu’s nose and giggling sweetly. Shownu went cross eyed looking at his nose before grinning goofily up at Kihyun. He shifted round, snuggling into Shownu’s chest, feeling safe and comfortable in his arms. After a few moments, he felt his breathing slow and gazed up to see him snoring lightly. “You are lucky I love you” Kihyun laughed, planting a kiss on his cheek and leaving the office.

“Who is that?” Jinwoo asked, raising an eyebrow. “You already know” Kihyun said sarcastically “The book thief, we’re friends now” he said nonchalantly, praying his voice stayed stable. “Friendddssss” Jinwoo giggled, elongating the word teasingly. “Yes. Friends” Kihyun warned. Just at that moment, Shownu came scrambling out the office and Jinwoo disappeared behind the counter, pretending to be busy. “You ok?” Kihyun asked bewildered, trying to control his reactions in public. “Uh, yeah. Thanks for letting me sleep but I’ve got to drive Hoseok to the airport” he yawned and stretched up, Kihyun had to exercise every bit of self-control he had, not to leap forward and pull his shirt down, glaring at Jinwoo as he ogled his boyfriend. “Oh ok, you’re going already?” he said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. “I mean, yeah, I’m sorry, it’s a long drive” he shuffled at his feet before looking up, a twinkle in his eye. “Unless you’d like to come with me?” he asked hopefully, his cheeks rosy. Kihyun couldn’t contain his smile, “I’ll have to check with my part-timer if he can close for me” Kihyun grinned and turned to see Jinwoo, who had obviously been eavesdropping, nodding vigorously. “Ok” Shownu said bashfully “I’ve got to go get the car, I’ll come pick you up soon!” before strolling out of the library. Kihyun watched him leave, avoiding Jinwoo’s questioning look, he laughed in response. “Hurry up and go get him!” he winked, laughing loudly.


	11. A Whole New World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently our titles have become disney inspired, not sure what happened there! sorry lol!
> 
> Song recommendation is GOT7 - Not By The Moon   
> It doesn't fit the playful tone of this chapter but its a brand new comeback and a bop, and i can't think of any other song right now :')

Kihyun slunk down into the passenger seat of the car, drinking in the sight of a sun kissed Shownu, his eyes looked tired, but they still sparkled in the light. He had a huge smile plastered on his face as he gave Kihyun’s thigh a gentle squeeze and then put the car in gear.   
“Ok so explain it to me again” Kihyun whined, rearranging his seat belt once more. Shownu sighed, running a hand through his hair quickly then returning it to the steering wheel. “Well Hoseok and this guy were kind of dating, but not officially” he said a small smirk on his face as he stole a glance at Kihyun. He felt his ears burn, like us, he wanted to add. “Anyway he thought he was ok with him going away for a month….” Shownu hesitated for a moment, focusing on the road as he smacked the indicator down. “and he wasn’t” he said finally, with a grimace. “But he did agree to keep working with him as a client and said he wanted to hang out with us whilst Hoseok’s away” he said, attempting a smile, “So there’s hope yet”. Kihyun watched as he drove, the sun had illuminated the car and he kept losing himself in Shownu’s side profile, his chiselled chin, sharp nose and beautiful cheeks, all wrapped up in tan skin. “You know I’m happy to help you with anything, but I need a bit more information if I’m going to hang out with the guy” Kihyun whined, pouting lightly. He saw Shownu’s face light up in response, as he grinned at him playfully. “You’ll find out soon” he winked, Kihyun shifted back in the chair. They’d been talking non-stop for ages, but he still didn’t feel like he understood the situation any better. The conversation was cut off as Shownu pulled in parking the car, “We’re here” he announced, as if Kihyun knew where ‘here’ was. He planted a soft kiss on his cheek “I won’t be a minute I’ll just go get him” he smiled, as he ducked out the car. “Wait! Should I sit in the back?” Kihyun called out, chewing his lip nervously, the sudden realisation he was about to meet Shownu’s best friend caused his stomach to tie itself in knots. “No he’ll be fine” he grinned and disappeared from view.

Kihyun tugged on the loose threads on his jeans, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He was suddenly aware of Shownu’s return, his voice echoing in the distance, getting louder as he approached the car. The boot slammed shut and a figure clambered into the back of the car, Kihyun swivelled in his seat to greet him. Something about his large muscular frame was familiar but he couldn’t think why and when he smiled up at him through his blue tipped hair, Kihyun was certain he had seen him before. He gave him a shy smile back and shrunk back into his chair, chewing the inside of his mouth as he tried to wrack his brain. “You ok if we get coffee when we get to Incheon?” Shownu announced to the car as he re-joined the main road, falling in line with the traffic. Hoseok hummed in response and Shownu nodded smiling, Kihyun watched in interest, as the two communicated without a word. “So you’re both staying over in London and then onto Venice the next day” Shownu said, the man in the back seat was staring out the window absentmindedly, he looked beautiful Kihyun thought, he looked like Shownu’s other half, it felt like they somehow fitted together despite being so different. “Are you staying at the hotel we used before at London Fashion Week, near that museum” Shownu said grinning, stealing a glance over his shoulder whilst they were stuck at a standstill. Kihyun stared in shock, processing the words, Us, London Fashion Week. His mind began whirling, just who was he dating? And who was in the car with them? 

“Yes, Dani is happy so she can get a quick trip to Harrods” Hoseok stated nonchalantly, Kihyun felt the jealously rise in his chest. He loved the thought of visiting London, Shownu let out a small laugh, making eye contact with Kihyun who raised an eyebrow in response. His mouth still hanging open in shock, “You went to London Fashion week?” he squeaked, Hoseok snorted loudly from behind him. “He was on the runway showing my first international collection’” Hoseok shrugged, “when we weren’t running around the capital” he added with a mischievous grin. “Shut up Hoseok” Shownu growled, eyes fixed on the road. Realisation dawned on him and Kihyun spun round in his seat, fighting with his seat belt. He stared at Hoseok, could it be? Suddenly the man looked up, locking eyes with Kihyun, he withered under his gaze panicking. “Shownu hasn’t introduced us properly I’m Yoo Kihyun, I know you’re Hoseok but who are you really?” he prodded his curiosity getting the better of him, he hadn’t used honorifics he suddenly thought so he bowed his head, smiling politely. Hoseok broke the eye contact and began rummaging aggressively in his bag, muttering to himself. Kihyun recoiled spinning round in his seat, “Shownu I think I broke your friend” he hissed low. Shownu attempted a quick look in the rear view mirror and sighed, “Hoseok!” he barked loudly, making Kihyun jump, “Kihyun is talking to you!” he groaned loudly smacking his palm against the steering wheel. “Oh sorry” came a small voice from the back, “but I have these designs, he needs pastels and a high necked collar with a…...shit where’s my pencils?” Kihyun stared at Shownu dumbfounded, he seemed unfazed by this behaviour, grinning wide. Shownu caught his eyes and smiled wide, nodding happily, “Hoseok!” he barked again “explain to him, you’re acting like a lunatic!” Hoseok stopped and smiled brightly at Kihyun. He had a warm personality, it was hard not to like him, even if he was strange Kihyun noted.   
“Sorry, I get like this, I’m worse when Dani isn’t around, my name is Lee Hoseok and my brand name is Wonho, I’m the lead owner and designer” Kihyun felt his jaw hit the floor, THAT’S why he knew his face. He was a famous designer and Kihyun had spent hours reading his articles, fawning over his creations. It would have been nice to have a heads up that his best friend was THE famous fashion designer Kihyun thought, he would have dressed accordingly. Shownu’s loud guffaws beside him brought him crashing back to earth, “You’re Wonho?” he whispered “The Wonho?” he watched in awe, as he rummaged through his bag some more, a small smile on his lips. “Yes, that’s me. Can I ask, would you have any problem with me designing you some outfits, I have some ideas already?” Kihyun’s heart exploded out of his chest, his brain felt numb and his mouth suddenly dry. Kihyun stared blankly, unable to form words, happiness bubbling in his chest. He felt like he was dreaming.   
“For god’s sake Hoseok, too much, he’s not used to you, not everyone can handle your level of weirdness” Shownu moaned, he flicked his head round quickly, capturing small glances in between driving. He gave Kihyun a small smile and reached out squeezing his thigh reassuringly. Kihyun watched as Hoseok hummed happily, pulling out a pad and began scribbling furiously, he turned back smiling at Shownu. “Sorry but we’ve lost him now until we get to the airport, at the very least, if you’ve really inspired him Dani will have a peaceful flight to London, don’t be worried if he asks you sudden random questions like your inside leg measurement” he half joked, trying to lighten the mood, he gave Kihyun a tight smile. He shrunk down into his chair, his head was beginning to ache with all the new information. “He’s Wonho” Kihyun whispered, finally finding coherent words “THE Wonho, only the best designer in the country. He’s your best friend, Wonho? Wonho is your best friend? The man that I would give my right arm to own something more than a t-shirt, that’s your best friend?” he rabbled out, watching as Shownu’s smile reached his eyes. “Yes unfortunately that idiot in the back is my best friend” he chuckled, checking on him in the mirror. Kihyun looked over his shoulder, watching as he furiously splashed colours over the pad, he stole a glance at Kihyun and continued muttering to himself. He felt his cheeks flush, in response, suddenly feeling giddy. He shifted his gaze to the window, trying to still his beating heart. “Oh my god, its Wonho in the car with us” he said loudly, his inner fan-girl bursting out. “Kihyun” Shownu said quietly and Kihyun turned to him “He’s Hoseok, the best friend I’ve ever had, Wonho is what he does” Shownu knew he was frowning but he needed him to understand, Kihyun’s delicate hand came up and covered his hand holding the wheel “Yes I understand but you could have mentioned who he was, only my favourite designer ever!” he said humming happily. 

They fell into a happy silence, the gentle sounds of pencil meeting paper filled the car in between Shownu’s angry cursing at other drivers. His forehead wrinkled in annoyance, Kihyun giggled to himself, thinking back to their first date. His forehead had wrinkled like that when he was worried about Kihyun’s injury, he grinned at the memory. He still cherished their first date in the park… then it hit him. He said he used to model, he stared over, outlining his features with his eyes, imagining him on a runway, the thought took his breath away. He must have been staring more intently than he realised as Shownu suddenly side-eyed him and frowned. “What’s wrong?’ he asked. “You modelled for him?” Kihyun whispered, “He said you modelled his collection. You modelled for Wonho? In London?” Shownu rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and gave a short laugh not sure how he was going to respond to his next statement “Actually I was his first muse” he said proudly, snatching a quick at Kihyun who was sitting staring at him with his mouth hanging open, once again. “his…. first…...muse” he mumbled, sitting back. “Yes something about my triangular shoulders and my ability to make him ramen day or night, we starved together for a few years and then when he took off we travelled to most of the European fashion shows but I never really enjoyed it and then there was an incident with a photographer and I officially retired” Shownu was smiling widely recounting his story, Kihyun watched intently, he could tell just from the way he spoke, Hoseok was dear to him. “I’m a minor partner in the company but in name only, Hoseok insisted so that if anything happened to him, I would be protected” Kihyun stared at him, locking eyes every few seconds when Shownu stole a glance. “Hey” Shownu asked gently “you ok?” Kihyun stared at him for a second and shook his head slightly, “Exactly who are you?” he asked as his smile widened. Shownu laughed out loud and gestured with his head towards the back seat “I’m that idiots best friend”. Kihyun chuckled and gripped his thigh, squeezing gently “And my boyfriend, how’d I get so lucky” he mewled, gazing up at him lovingly. 

After a long happy silence, they finally pulled into a parking space. Kihyun stretched squeaking and moaning as he did. Kihyun stepped out the car, continuing to stretch his legs as he watched the others bicker like small children, he hid a laugh behind his hand as Shownu got more exasperated, still unable to get Hoseok out the car. “Hoseok I swear to god if you don’t pay attention, I’m leaving you here!” he bellowed, Kihyun watched lovingly, they reminded him of his own playful relationship with Minhyuk. He watched in glee as Shownu smacked his head against the roof of the car, Hoseok finally making a graceful appearance, grinning broadly. “Careful you’ll lose your last two brain cells!” he teased jabbing at Shownu’s ribs. Shownu glared up at him, looking homicidal and Kihyun decided it was the right time to intervene, hopping forward excitedly “Will you show me your designs while we are having coffee?” he asked shyly, Hoseok seemed to be with them now, he smiled brightly down at him. “Yes of course and you need to write down all your measurements for me, I will get samples done of these and we can look at them when I get back home if you like” Kihyun’s heart fluttered again, as he tried to focus, “Shownu said you have a friend who needs some support and company while you are away, is he a designer as well?” Hoseok’s smile died and he adverted his gaze, Kihyun knew instantly he had said something wrong, although he wasn’t sure what. Shownu suddenly cut in, “let’s go get a coffee and we can talk” he smiled weakly, putting his arm around Kihyun. They all nodded in agreement and began walking, he gazed up at him in confusion and mouthed ‘sorry’ and Shownu gave him a warm smile back kissing his head and ruffling his hair. 

Kihyun sat in awkward silence, fearful of saying the wrong thing again. Hoseok tapped away on his phone so he leant back, watching as Shownu’s figure grew more distant. He was dying for a cup of tea at this point, his mouth dry from nerves. Hoseok’s silky voice washed over him, gaining his attention “I suppose I need to explain really. My friend is in an idol group, he’s not just my friend but I did something really stupid and we aren’t speaking. He needs support to get away and we have arranged that between us, and we hoped you would help meet him for coffee or some quiet time at your library” he said hopefully, giving a shy smile. Kihyun thought for a moment, chewing his raw lip anxiously. It must be a talent they both possess, speaking a lot but giving no information he huffed. He eyed the man cautiously, “When you say stupid do you mean you were unfaithful?” he prodded, Hoseok shook his head adamantly and he finally let go of the breath he didn’t realise he was holding in. “No, I didn’t explain something properly and I hurt him, it was never my intention, I took his silence to mean he understood something, but he didn’t” Hoseok explained, there was sadness and longing in his words and Kihyun felt a pang of sympathy. Something about his demeanour had changed, he wasn’t the cocky, rude man the articles made him out to be, he was much… softer. He felt a pull towards him, he couldn’t explain it, he wanted to hug him, and he wanted to help. “Who is your friend?” he asked curiously, just as Shownu reappeared sliding a cup his directions. He slipped his hands round the mug, relaxing as the warmth spread through his body. “It’s Chae Hyungwon” Hoseok blurted out and Kihyun felt his whole body stiffen, he felt faint once again. “For god’s sake Hoseok” Shownu groaned, “You can’t keep dropping this stuff on him, you have to ease people into it” placing Hoseok’s cup down in front of him, “Just drink this and shut up, ok?” he said plonking himself down beside Kihyun, snaking his arm around Kihyun’s waist. Hoseok shrugged in response, unfazed by Kihyun’s reaction to him and slid his notepad across the table “Measurements please” Kihyun’s smile spread ear to ear, he was going to wear something designed by Hoseok.   
Another couple appeared and Shownu jumped up to greet them, bowing low and smiling wide. He introduced them, Cha Dan-I and Cha Eun-Ho. The joined them at the table and Kihyun felt giddy with excitement once more, he interrupted Shownu, staring at the man across the table. “Cha Eun-Ho, the chief editor at Gyeoroo publishing?” he stuttered, he nodded with a large smile and Kihyun instantly fell into conversation, fangirling once again. “I love your books, they are so beautiful, so unique, there some of our most read at the library” he gushed blushing brightly. “Oh a librarian?” he grinned, and they spoke about editing styles and book covers animatedly until Shownu tapped him on the shoulder. “You have to let the editor go now baby” he laughed and Kihyun whined loudly, “I’m sure we’ll meet again” Eun-Ho laughed and Kihyun bowed politely “Thank you, it was lovely to meet you”. He stepped back and watched as the two couples hugged and said their goodbyes, exchanging partners for more cuddles. He smiled taking in the sight, a few hours ago he wasn’t sure what he had signed up for but now he realised they were Shownu’s family. He stiffened in shock as Dan-I threw her arms around him “Thank you” she whispered, her voice cracking slightly “Take care of them all. won’t you?” she beamed at him, gripping his shoulder tightly. “Of course, I’ll be temporary Eoma. Don’t worry” he giggled as she smothered him once more. “We have to go” she said as she rushed away, Hoseok offered a warm smile as he waved “Lovely to meet you” Kihyun sung, grinning back.


	12. Friendships Bloom

Kihyun groaned, stretching his legs, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. The sky had darkened completely now, flashes of red and yellow lights filling the windscreen. “You ok baby?” Shownu said gently and Kihyun squeezed his thigh in response. “Still a bit in shock, if I’m honest” he said grinning up at him. “Hey” he said suddenly, “this says Hyungwon’s been dating Bomin from Lilac’s for three years” Shownu snorted in disbelief and Kihyun found it hard to contain his own laughter “Well that’s not true obviously, they are shipped though… _hard”_ Kihyun whistled and raised his eyebrows. Shownu focused back on the road, stifling a yawn. “What else does it say?” Kihyun shrugged and continued scrolling on his phone, suddenly spluttering with laughter. “Please. Please tell me they don’t actually call him that?” he wriggled, sitting up and reading aloud “His members call him care bear because he first one to hug someone if their upset” his eyes scanned over to Shownu, as he let out another loud snort, an odd guttural growl followed it “No they don’t” he said shaking his head slightly. “Nor does he cuddle anyone” he stated, his smile fading slightly. “This also says his favourite gift to receive is plushies… shall we get him one, try to make a good impression?” Kihyun asked genuinely, trying to focus on the upcoming task of befriending an idol. He had met plenty of idols thanks to Minhyuk, but he had never had to engage with one before. “He doesn’t strike me as a plushie kind of guy” Shownu stated flatly, Kihyun let out an exasperated sigh “I don’t think this website is very reliable” he whined, dropping his phone back into his pocket with a sulk. “You’re just now figuring that out?” Shownu teased, hitching an eyebrow. “We’ll be home soon, want me to drop you off baby?” he cooed and Kihyun nodded his head in agreement, reluctantly. Sighing to himself sleepily.

*************************************************************************

Kihyun stood at the till, arms crossed, attempting to communicate with Minhyuk through the serving hatch. “Yeah but WHO is he?” Min moaned, rushing around the kitchen preparing drinks and food haphazardly. “I don’t know!” Kihyun whined exasperated, “I couldn’t find much online and the stuff I found Shownu said wasn’t true!” Minhyuk rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue impatiently “The stuff online is never true!” he laughed, disappearing from sight. Kihyun twisted round watching him reappear and serve customers, he grinned before ducking back into the kitchen quickly. “I know that!” Kihyun pouted, talking into the abyss, “I just wanted to know a bit about him” he whined. Minhyuk pounced through the serving hatch, his face becoming strikingly close to Kihyun’s making him flinch. He giggled loudly “Isn’t that the point of meeting him?” he teased wandering away again. Kihyun grasped his chest tightly, creeping closer to the window suspiciously. “Yesss” he huffed “But usually when you meet someone there isn’t a friendship guarantee” he leaned through scanning for Min, “I HAVE to like him!” he said bluntly. He looked around confused, he couldn’t see Minhyuk, but he could hear him. “Then LIKE HIM!” he bellowed back unhelpfully. Kihyun huffed, slinking back, bowing politely as customers approached the desk. He handled the money quickly and turned to see Minhyuk with another full tray of dirty glasses grinning at him. “What?” he said flatly, frowning, “Ah, Ki-ah! Frowning is not good customer service!” He scolded, grinning mischievously. “Yah! I don’t work here!” Kihyun yelled back frustrated, he sulked back, leaning against the till. He was just anxious to meet Hyungwon and had come to Min’s early for a distraction, but nothing was settling his nerves. “Here!” a hand came through the hatch, smacking his arm. “Ow!!” he whined, rubbing it vigorously. “Oh stop! Just take the tea!” Minhyuk snapped, and Kihyun grinned up at him, taking the cup eagerly. Fresh, green tea. Minhyuk always knew best, he sighed inhaling the comforting scent.

The bell rung at that moment, Kihyun flicked round quickly, his whole body relaxing as Shownu’s familiar frame filled the doorway. His eyes found Kihyun’s and he smiled brightly. “Jesus c-” Min began, “That ones my boyfriend” Kihyun said sharply cutting him off, grinning at his shocked face through the hatch. He stuck his tongue out childishly as he wandered around the till. He moved onto tiptoes throwing his arms around Shownu’s neck “Hi, where is he?” he whispered nervously, as Shownu snuggled into his neck. “Outside, I was making sure it wasn’t busy” he chuckled. “Oh it’s not” Kihyun blushed “Go get him!” he giggled shoving Shownu away. He retreated back to the till, Minhyuk was leaning through the hatch, watching Shownu’s every movement. “How?” he giggled, staring at Kihyun. He shrugged, “I’m not actually quite sure” he laughed. The bell rung once more and Shownu re-entered a tall slim figure followed shyly behind him. Shownu fumbled as he sat down, making a lot of noise but Hyungwon seemed to flow gracefully alongside him. His face expressionless and cold, he was beautiful in a typical sort of way, Kihyun thought. He sat down, he crossed his arms delicately in his lap, detaching himself from the rest of the world, but the way he looked around the room and gazed longingly at the puppies, Kihyun could see warmth flickering deep inside him. “Are all your other friends models?” Minhyuk asked in awe, falling back into the kitchen. “Apparently, yes” Kihyun sighed giggling to himself. He took a deep breath… _For Shownu,_ _For Hoseok_ , he repeated in his head as he walked towards them. “Hi, I’m Kihyun” he said forcing himself to smile wide, he bowed low, hesitantly meeting the strangers eyes. He received a blank stare in response. He turned to Shownu clearing his throat “That’s your boyfriend?” he snorted shocked, his voice was soft and silky. “He’s tiny!” he giggled sheepishly and Shownu guffawed loudly. Kihyun felt his cheeks burn, “Hey!” he complained indignantly, Shownu rolled his eyes beside him “Don’t be fooled, he’s the one to fear most” he smirked, beaming brightly at Kihyun. Hyungwon’s face broke into a small smile, he hid it behind his hand composing himself quickly. Kihyun glared playfully at Shownu, “What do you want to drink?” he questioned, slipping back into sassy waiter mode. He wandered back to the hatch leaning through and gossiping in hushed tones, “What’s he like?” Min hissed, trying to get a better view, “Black coffee” Kihyun stated flatly, giggling at Min’s visible annoyance. “You can meet him in a minute” he huffed, rolling his eyes “You’ll scare him!” he snapped, shutting the hatch with a clunk. He smirked to himself, chewing his lip absentmindedly as he wandered over to serve to the last handful of customers. “I’ve got the table!” he called out as Min passed by him with the visitors drinks. He placed them down and Kihyun could hear him introducing himself behind them. As he switched the tap off, he heard a loud shout that made him jump, “C-LO-LO-LOSEDD!” Minhyuk bellowed, his voice echoing out around the store, the puppies began to howl in response. “Oh look what you’ve done!” Kihyun yelled back, rushing to the partition to calm them. “They are used to me!” Min whined, disappearing into an office with the till. Kihyun pouted, shrugged and gave up as he couldn’t produce a winning argument. He slunk down into the seat beside Shownu, looking over at Hyungwon. His mind wandered over to where he had left his cold tea… he was only lost in thought for a moment when an unfamiliar voice washed over him. “He seems… nice” Hyungwon stated, grimacing but giggling gently. “He is a lot” Kihyun answered honestly “but he has a heart of gold and is a sweetie really” he nodded as if he had to prove his point. Shownu stayed silent, tapping away on his phone. “How did you meet Shownu?” Kihyun prodded, although he kind of already knew. “He came to my rescue with Hoseok” he smiled, the cold façade finally breaking. Shownu’s eyes grew wide, head shot up at the mention of his best friends name, but he just watched as they interacted. “I’ve heard you’re going to model, are you excited?” Kihyun said, despite the warm reaction he was reluctant to push the sensitive topic. Hyungwon hummed his agreement, eyes wandering over the puppies every so often.

“Would you like to go see them?” Kihyun asked, he saw him stiffen in response, but he nodded. “Are you coming?” he raised an eyebrow at Shownu as he shook his head softly. “I don’t have the energy for puppies” he grinned, taking a large gulp of his drink. “Ok be back soon” Kihyun chimed, gesturing for Hyungwon to follow him. He opened the gate, stepping in carefully, making sure there was enough room for him to pass without them touching. Hyungwon gave him a tight appreciative smile and sat stiffly in a beanbag, Kihyun could help but laugh at him “Relax, this isn’t an interview” he slumped himself down into a beanbag opposite, calling at the puppies. Four jumped at his legs, begging and pining for his attention. He stroked them happily, eventually grabbing a small girl from the bundle. “Here” he said holding her out for Hyungwon, he leant forward, careful to take her without brushing Kihyun’s hand, he snuggled her into his lap instantly melting at her cuteness. Cooing softly as he stroked her small body. Kihyun lifted another two into his lap, giggling as they licked and nipped at his hands. “She likes you” he said proudly, watching Hyungwon carefully constantly nervous he’d upset him. Hyungwon finally smiled back at him, a big toothy grin. It was infectious and Kihyun couldn’t help but beam back at him, turns out liking someone was easier than he thought. Minhyuk’s voice broke the silence as he entered “The puppies like you” he stated, falling into another beanbag, a big welcoming grin on his face, the reassurance from them both seemed to please Hyungwon as he became quite animated after that.

Kihyun wasn’t sure quite how they’d got on the subject, but he didn’t care anymore, his stomach was hurting from laughter and tears were streaming down his face. Minhyuk choke back laughter, “Ok… my turn” he paused breathing deeply, attempting to sit up. “Kiss, Marry, Kill… hm… GOT7” he smirked evilly. Kihyun groaned instantly, “Which three?” Hyungwon moaned, Minhyuk mused for a moment rubbing his chin, “Mark, Jackson and Bambam” he grinned his eyes shining. All three let out a groan, giggling widely. A distant click caught Kihyun’s attention and he whipped round to see Shownu phone focused on the three of them smiling. He gave him a thumbs up and he twisted back round, submerging himself back in the chaos. “Marry… Mark” Kihyun stated slowly, “Ewww no! why!” Minhyuk screamed, the puppy in his lap flinching. “What do you mean?! Why wouldn’t you marry him?!” Kihyun yelled, “He is soft and sweet and lovely” Kihyun gushed, blushing slightly. “If I’m marrying a man, I need a good Top and that is NOT Mark!” Minhyuk spluttered, giggling wildly, “What??” Hyungwon screeched, joining in the debate. “There’s no way he ISN’T a top!” he argued his eyes wide, they were all grinning ear to ear, struggling to catch their breaths. “Wait, I’d have to kill Bambam!” Kihyun yelped suddenly, choking on air. Causing the other two to fall into hysterical giggles. “Why?” Hyungwon gulped, wiping tears from his pink cheeks, “Cause if you’ve got the chance to kiss Jackson you take it!” Kihyun stated proudly, his cheeks burning red, “I would” Minhyuk teased, wiggling his eyebrows causing the three of them to descent into fits of laughter and incoherent squeaking sounds.

Hours passed quickly as they chatted absentmindedly, enjoying the puppies companies more than each other’s. “Is your boyfriend broken?” Minhyuk asked, his eyebrow shooting up. Kihyun scoffed, turning to see him leant back in the chair, snoring lightly. “He’s just resting” he smiled warmly. “Take him home, I can ring Mike” Hyungwon smiled, Kihyun’s heart sunk. He watched Shownu sleeping, the way his chest rose and fell. He wished he could, take him home and snuggle into him freely, without a care in the world. “I can’t…” he stuttered, suddenly going quiet. Minhyuk gave a shy smile as he stared between them, Hyungwon clearly confused. “I wish I could, but I can’t” Kihyun said, his voice cracking slightly. He ducked his head, trying desperately to tame him emotions. “It’s a bit complicated” he said softly. “I understand” Hyungwon said nodding at him knowingly, _of course_ Kihyun wanted to slap himself for being so insensitive, he was an idol, he knew better than anyone. “It’s frustrating always wanting to play the game but never being able too” he smirked, “Hey! I’m the single lonely one! Where’s my pity!” Minhyuk whined loudly, flopping backwards dramatically. “What about Mr Standard?” Kihyun argued, kicking out at him. “He doesn’t count… yet” Minhyuk scoffed, raising an eyebrow “If you know what I mean” he giggled flirtatiously, and the quietness was filled with shrieks of laughter once more. “Looking at a cake and not being allowed to eat it, is much easier than having no cake at all!” Kihyun argued, Hyungwon snorted loudly, a genuine smile shattering his cold persona.

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The week flew by quickly, Kihyun had begun to look forward to his days with Hyungwon so they could gossip and discuss their two vastly different worlds. It was refreshing having someone else to fight his corner against Min too. Kihyun locked the stiff, old wooden doors. Today was not one of those days but Kihyun didn’t feel like being alone and started walking towards the café anyway, the happier he felt with Shownu the more the storm inside grew, he was desperate to break free of his shackles. Fear keeping him in place, even now. He sat up at night, overthinking, trapping himself in this vicious circle.

Kihyun glanced up at the ‘CLOSED’ sign on the door, the frosted glass panels still glowing yellow, showing signs of life inside. Kihyun strolled forward, ignoring the sign and shoved the door open, he wandered in as he usual would, paying no attention to his surroundings as he removed his earphones. He glanced up and froze on the spot, three confused faces greeted him. Min broke into a smile as soon as he realised “Kihyun-ah!” he squealed running over and capturing him in a tight hug. “I wasn’t expecting you” he whispered gleefully in his ear. “It wasn’t planned” Kihyun admitted shyly “Am I interrupting?” he stuttered nervously, “No it’s only Wonnie!” he announced loudly, turning and revealing Hyungwon like a gameshow prize. Hyungwon glared at him coolly “Please don’t call me that” he said shakily, his eyes closing briefly, a flicker of pain on his face. “Ah” Minhyuk nodded, bowing slightly “Sorry” he grimaced at Kihyun before quickly wandering away, Kihyun flopped down at the table, the third stranger smiling up at him. “I’m Woosung, not that it seems to matter”, Kihyun grinned at him apologetically, bowing politely. “I’m Kihyun it’s lovely to meet you” he beamed, switching on his customer service tone. “Ohhh you’re Kihyun!” He giggled, leaning back, looking him up and down. His brown bangs falling either side of his face like a halo. He was cute in a manly sort of way, Kihyun thought. “What do you mean by that?” Kihyun asked playfully, raising an eyebrow. “I’m the photographer at Wonho’s design house” he explained, exposing a toothy grin “I’ve known Shownu forever, I wondered when we’d meet”. Kihyun stared at him confused for a moment before realisation set in and his eyes grew wide “Oh” he muttered “That makes sense”. Woosung chuckled quietly returning to his coffee, Kihyun turned his attention to Hyungwon “I thought you were working today?” he questioned judgingly. Hyungwon’s head drooped, he shuffled uncomfortably under Kihyun’s gaze and he felt a pang of guilt. “I needed a break, so I had Woosung bring me here instead” he stated, his voice tense. “Ahh, that’s understandable” Kihyun nodded, he seemed a little lost today and he didn’t want to pry.

Minhyuk reappeared with new drinks, placing a piping hot cup of green tea down in front of Kihyun. “You know me so well” he sighed, breathing in the calming aroma. Minhyuk winked at him playfully, sliding a black coffee to Hyungwon “Oh, Min you spoil me” he grinned. Finally he placed another coffee in front of Woosung “You look like you need spoiling too” he winked again, flopping down into the vacant seat and taking a large sip of his own drink. Woosung looked around at them flustered for a moment, “I’m going to go sit with the puppies” he spluttered and disappeared. They all glanced at each other cautiously like naughty children before erupting into laughter, “Min, Look what you’ve done! You’ve scared off the straight guy!” Kihyun giggled, Minhyuk groaned, staring at him with accusing eyes. “I did nothing!” he spat moodily. “It’s your gay aura” Hyungwon muttered, causing another eruption of laughter. “I feel like a kid” Kihyun said wiping his eyes breathlessly. Hyungwon nodded his agreement, “Seriously though, be nice, we can’t upset Hoseok’s friend” he said suddenly, his tone shifting. “Is he actually upset?” Kihyun panicked, jumping out of his seat. Minhyuk dragged him back down “No! You idiot!” he whined, they all exchanged worried looks. “I’ll go check” Minhyuk decided and rushed off, a few minutes later he returned smiling “He’s fine, he’s giving us privacy” he shrugged. “What for?” Hyungwon asked perplexed “So we can talk about our boyfriend’s dicks obviously” Kihyun teased causing Hyungwon to choke on his coffee. He spluttered covering them all in the dark liquid. “Ewww!” Minhyuk whined, leaping up and throwing his arms around in exaggerated movements. “You are such a drama queen!” Kihyun sighed, sloping off to retrieve the kitchen towel from behind the counter. “Sorry” Hyungwon coughed, struggling to catch his breath, “Don’t be” Kihyun smiled, cleaning up the mess.

Once they’d all settled back down, they continued chattering away, the conversation flowed naturally between the three of them, as if they had always been together. Kihyun nodded along, slowly dissociating, slipping into his own horrid thoughts. “What’s it like?” Minhyuk asked, eyes sparkling in the light “dating as an idol must be hard” he said casually, he watched as Hyungwon thought about it for a moment, his hands touching his neck briefly, “I don’t really know… I’ve never tried” he mused “I’ve got a no dating clause in my contract anyway” he shrugged indifferently. Minhyuk giggled lightly “Yeah, keeping it a secret can make it difficult” he said then gasped rubbing Kihyun’s arm apologetically. “It’s fine” Kihyun snapped, dragging his arm away, avoiding Minhyuk’s sad eyes. Hyungwon looked between them curiously, “What?” he said bewildered. “Kihyun never came out” Minhyuk blurted out, lifting his arms and shrugging innocently. “How?” Hyungwon mouthed, “You have a whole arse official boyfriend and you’re not out?” he fluttered his eyelids, his mouth a perfect ‘O’. “Exactly” Minhyuk stated smugly, refusing to wither under Kihyun’s glare. “It’s complicated” he sighed “It’s really restricting our relationship, I can’t even spend a night away from home!” he whined, slumping back in seat sulking. “Oh… do you count like… sleeping ON someone as dating and spending the night?” Hyungwon said quietly, staring at his feet. “WHAT?” the other two shrieked in unison, leaning further into the table so they could talk in whispers. “I’ve stayed at Hoseok’s studio at night and one time I slept on him” he mumbled, playing with his sleeves absentmindedly. Kihyun stared at him in shock, a flicker of anger that Shownu did NOT give him the full information. “We only slept on his sofa together but…” his voice trailed off and he cleared his throat, signalling he was finished speaking, “That’s couple shit” Minhyuk stated, retreating into his seat. Hyungwon gave a shy painful smile “I might have had a boyfriend then” he said sadly looking at his hands in his lap no longer following their conversation. “I can’t believe this, you have a contractual obligation and you’ve still got further than me” Kihyun whined and Minhyuk patted his back reassuringly “It’s ok, you just have to do what’s best for you” he gave him a warm smile, the one that brightens up the whole room and Kihyun couldn’t help but grin back. “You’re right” he said but the thoughts of his stunted relationship still plagued his mind. “I guess we all do” He shrugged, trying to re-engage Hyungwon but it was hopeless. Woosung reappeared, smiling, completely oblivious to the sombre atmosphere. “We do need to finish work and it’s getting late” he stated and Hyungwon nodded, saying his goodbyes quietly. “He’s got Music Core tomorrow so I can’t keep him late” Woosung explained happily, “Good luck tomorrow” Kihyun said, gazing at Hyungwon warmly, he gave him a weak smile in return, bowing politely and then he was rushed out the door.

“I’m going to go too Min” Kihyun sighed, collecting up his belongings, he somehow felt worse than before, with the added guilt of upsetting Hyungwon he desperately wanted to go home and cry. “You sure?” Min pleaded, pulling him in for a hug. “Yeah, I need to sort my head out” he said definitely before waving his goodbyes and stepping out into the brisk, dark night.

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The elevator pinged loudly, echoing around the empty walls. Kihyun sighed shoving his key into the door, entering the cold apartment. It had started to rain, and the downpour was battering against his windows, the wind whistling through an open window. He threw on a playlist, full of songs with soft voices and silky melodies to help his mood.

After washing up, he snuggled into bed, his brain a tornado of thoughts. He sighed, pressing call on his phone hesitantly. “Hey baby, you ok?” Shownu’s warm voice filled the room, his heart fluttered instantly “I miss you” he whined, his voice muffled by the blanket. Shownu chuckled, he could imagine his bright goofy smile and his chest constricted. “I miss you too” he said, “how was work?” he asked, Kihyun felt the inner turmoil grow as he remembered his evening. “It was ok” he hummed “I went to see Min after, I think we’ve upset Hyungwon though” he muttered, he felt like a child admitting to breaking his mothers favourite ornament. “How?” Shownu said flatly, the panic evident in his voice. “I’m not sure… we were chatting about relationships and stuff and he got really quiet and detached and then Woosung took him back to the studio” he said guilty, the tears filling his eyes. “It’s ok, I’ll talk to Woosung check he’s ok” he reassured, “I’m so sorry” Kihyun spluttered, the tears streaming down his face now. “Hey, baby, don’t” Shownu pleaded “It’s fine, you didn’t mean too” Kihyun felt lost at sea. Shownu was always so close yet so far, he just wanted him here with him. His chest felt tight, the lump in his throat blocking his airway. He breathed rapidly, trying to control himself, the more desperate he got, the harder his tears fell. “Baby, it’s ok” Shownu soothed, his voice bouncing around in Kihyun’s mind. He sniffled, pleading his body to stop shaking. It was now or never, he decided. “Will you drive me to my parents tomorrow?” He blurted out in between sobs. “Of course I will…why?” he questioned, Kihyun let out a weak smile imagining the confusion on his face. “It’s time” Kihyun’s voice cracked as he spoke.


	13. A Fresh Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:// Angst, Coming out, Rejection, Homophobia, loss, homophobic slurs, minor violence, implied domestic violence
> 
> This one hurt to write I won't lie to you....  
>  Song recommendation- Exo – Baby Don’t Cry

Kihyun paced around the flat, tidying here and there impatiently waiting for Shownu to arrive. Versace purred around his ankles, desperate for attention, he stepped over her cursing under his breath. His phone rang, breaking him out of his stupor. He stared at it for a moment shocked, suddenly frozen to the spot in fear. _This is it_ he thought, begging his legs to move. “Hi” he whispered shakily, he took a deep breath, attempting to drag air back into his lungs. “Ready?” Shownu’s soft voice echoed through his mind, he pushed the fear down and walked out the door. “Ready” he said back, determined.

The drive there was quiet, Shownu trying to be both supportive and understanding whilst driving proved a difficult task and in the end Kihyun turned the radio up, ending any chance at a conversation. He leant back closing his eyes, willing himself to control his emotions. His head was buzzing, and he was beginning to feel dizzy, he had thought of what to say so much, the words sounded nonsensical. He huffed, slamming his head into the headrest. Shownu stole a glance at him, clearly worried. Kihyun continued chewing his lip anxiously, little dark red dots littering the soft pink surface. He tugged at the threads on his sleeves, anything to try and distract him from the crushing feeling in his chest. He felt like a drowning man and no matter how he struggled he couldn’t reach air. The GPS interrupted the music, the stiff robotic voice filling the car, _You have reached your destination_. The engine died and Shownu turned to him, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. “You don’t have too” he reassured, kissing each knuckle gently. Kihyun smiled up at him, his heart throbbing, “I have too” he nodded “For us” he gave a weak smile but nodded assertively before turning and stepping out the car. He marched forward, panic setting in. He spun round quickly, Shownu was watching him with worried eyes. “I’ll be right here” he nodded, giving a thumbs up. Kihyun smirked, he couldn’t help it, what kind of goofball gives a thumbs up at a time like this!? _My goofball_ , the little voice in his head crooned. He took a deep breath, breathing out of his mouth slowly and marched towards the front door, slipping his key into the lock.

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It was like the world was moving in slow motion, everything happened so quickly Kihyun wasn’t even sure how it transpired in just ten minutes. His mother cradling her knees on the kitchen floor, tears streaming down her face, the broken teacup shattered across the floor, the strangled sounds of her sobs, the way her voice cracked as she begged him to stop will haunt Kihyun for the rest of his life. He glared up at the man towering over him, he was still shouting, bellowing his opinion but it was all white noise in Kihyun’s mind. His face growing more beetroot, eyes bulging and saliva flying everywhere. Kihyun wriggled, wincing at the pain in his back, he had hit the floor _hard_. “I never raised you to be such a disappointment” he spat, shaking his head. There was a loud cry of disagreement from behind him and Kihyun stared in horror as he turned his attention to his mother. He spun around on the spot, pointing at Kihyun aggressively “That, fag, isn’t our son” he hissed. Another loud cry filled the room, Kihyun sniffled loudly, gaining his attention once more. “Fine” he screamed, trying to muster all his courage, his whole body shaking. “I don’t want to be your son” he spat, the word ‘son’ dripping with venom. He glared at him with disgust, “What kind of father are you” he shrieked, his head drooping with exhaustion. He was tired of the abuse, mentally, emotionally and physically. “You brat” the man screamed, grabbing hold of Kihyun’s arm, before he realised what was happening, he was being dragged out of the kitchen, he clutched hold of the door frame desperately. His mother was leaning over the counter screaming his name hysterically, “EOMA” He screeched back, fighting against the large figure tugging at his limbs, her distraught face was the last thing he saw as he was pulled away and shoved furiously out the front door. He stumbled, quickly regaining his balance, turning in time to see the door slammed shut. He dropped to his knees on the grass finally allowing the red-hot tears to fall.

Muscular arms wrapped round his torso and he fell back into Shownu’s chest, sobbing uncontrollably. “It’s going to be ok” he said, moving round to hold him. As he lifted Kihyun up, cradling him in arms, the door opened briefly. Shownu stared down the red face man for a moment, the resentment bubbling in his chest. He shook his head and turned his back to him, taking Kihyun to car.

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The weekend was a blur, Kihyun had mostly spent it in bed, moping around feeling sorry for himself. Rejecting all Shownu’s attempts to go out, he loved him deeply, but he needed to mourn his loss and he needed to be alone. Of course, whenever Kihyun demanded space, Minhyuk was on the phone three times a day to check up on him, Hyungwon called regularly to update him and he had a glimmer of hope, they had finally spoken. Kihyun was looking forward to a new week, returning to the sanctuary of his library and they were going to celebrate two weeks until Hoseok’s return, someone else’s messy love life was a welcome distraction.

His alarm rung loudly. Kihyun dragged himself up out of the tangle of bedsheets. 5 am. On the dot. He sighed as he collected up his phone and a large bunch of keys, kissed Versace and left his apartment. He bowed politely to the security staff as he made his way to the elevator. He sleepily clicked at the buttons, it dinged loudly, and the door opened with a screech. He finally exited the building with another polite bow to the security guard outside. The air was brisk and cool, and the sun was rising. He got on the bus, it was silent and empty at this time of the morning which meant he could stare absentmindedly out the window.

Kihyun hopped off the bus, he had begun to wake up at last, he turned the corner and froze gasping in shock, tears springing to his eyes immediately. Shattered glass was strewn across the pavement, torn up paper flickering in the wind, the bricks were suffocated with red paint, every available surface marked with letters, ‘homo’, Kihyun read, his heart shattering. A lump rose in his throat as the tears streamed down his face, he took another step closer and regretted it instantly. The doors were battered, large black burns and heavy set scratches covered them. Kihyun rubbed at his face furiously, rushing inside. He turned to look at the library, but it was unrecognisable. The sun shone in through the large jagged gaps in the wall, illuminating the destruction. There were no aisles, no desks, no cute seating area. It was a warzone, everything had been upended and destroyed. Stuffing and ripped cushions were strewn around the room, bits of computers scattered everywhere. What were once tables and bookshelves were reduced to stacks of wood on the floor, that were blackened from fire, ash and dirt smothered the once neat wooden floor. He recognised his metal trolley, bent out of shape and dented, defeated in the corner. Someone cleared their throat loudly, he turned shocked his hand clasped over his mouth. Mr Woo, stood at what once was the main desk, he looked strict as usual, but his face was twisted with rage, a mirror of his father. He turned his vindictive eyes onto Kihyun, he felt his chest constrict, as if he had dropped a thousand rocks into the pit of his stomach. “Look what you’ve done to my library” he snarled, looking Kihyun up and down with disgust. “This destruction is all your fault” he said gesturing around them, Kihyun stared at him in disbelief, he tutted shaking his head. “This breaks our agreement, give me the keys” he snapped, jutting his hand out suddenly. Kihyun’s stomach twisted in knots, his head was spinning, and he was certain he was going to vomit. He moved forward shakily, scanning the hollow shell of the library once more and planted the keys into his hand hesitantly. Mr Woo tucked them into his pocket and Kihyun stared at them through the fabric longingly already kicking himself for being such a coward. “You’ll have twenty-four hours to vacate my premises” he said finally turning away. The tears fell quicker now, Kihyun wanted to scream, he opened his mouth to speak but no words came just more shaky sobs. He pawed at his face, frustrated. Mr Woo shrugged, taking no response as agreement and turned to walk away. Kihyun felt the anger bubble in his chest, why could no one be happy for him for a change? “I’ve always been like this you know!” he screamed, “You’ve known me for eight years. I’m the same Kihyun that walked out that door on Thursday” he screeched, his voice cracking. “I know” Mr Woo said flatly, shaking his head. “Get off my property” he sneered one last time before disappearing out back.

Kihyun stumbled back onto the street, his breathing rapid and panicked now, the shock was wearing off and the reality of the situation was setting in. He dropped to the floor frustrated, smacking the ground until his palms were red and sore. He rocked back and forth, breathing deep, attempting to regain some control over himself. Each deep breath dying in his throat as his heart rammed against his ribcage. Somehow, he managed to smack dial on his phone, gripping it tightly to his ear. “I need help” he stuttered, his voice slow and broken, the words painful and laboured around the tears. “Where are you baby?” Shownu’s panicked voice filled the void as he muttered a response, closing his eyes, lying on the cold pavement, counting to ten.

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	14. United

Shownu carefully placed a glass of water down, sinking into the seat beside Kihyun. “What’s the plan baby?” he asked, holding his knee. Kihyun shrugged wearily, still in a zombified state. He looked sickeningly pale, contrasted by his dark hollow eyes. Although he hid away all weekend, he had coped with his parent’s rejection fairly well, but this was the straw that broke the camels back. The library was his everything and Shownu was powerless to stop it, as much as he wanted to march inside and had a _‘word’_ with Mr Woo. “Ki?” he asked again nervously, his chest had been tight since he found him hyperventilating on the pavement, he had been inconsolable for around an hour and now he just seemed numb. Fresh tears began to trickle down his face, his lower lip shaking as he shook his head and squeaked. Shownu threw his arms around him, pulling him into his head and allowing him to sob into his chest, his heart shattering beneath his convulsing body. He closed his eyes, sighing deeply, he needed to untangle this mess and he couldn’t do it alone. “Baby, it’s going to be ok” he soothed, stroking his hair, “Listen to me” he looked down but Kihyun stayed snuggled into him avoiding his gaze. “Hey, are you listening?” he teased, running his fingers along his jawline and lifted his chin, staring deep into his sorrowful eyes. “First of all you are moving in with me” Kihyun opened his mouth to protest but Shownu cut him off quickly “It’s not up for debate” he said strictly, letting out a small smile. “I’m going to call Minhyuk and we will pick him up on the way to yours to pack” Kihyun nodded slowly, processing the information, he seemed to perk up slightly at the mention of Minhyuk. “We will figure everything else out tomorrow ok?” he said smiling wider and leaning down to kiss him, it was just a peck, but it still set his nerves alight. “Ok” Kihyun agreed, his voice still shaky.

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Shownu eyed the security guards cautiously, Minhyuk standing beside him awkwardly. as Kihyun bowed and begun talking to them. The building towered above them and he felt odd being this close, it had been a forbidden land for a long time. Kihyun returned with a weak smile, waving the key. Shownu nodded and followed him inside the lobby was as pretentious as he thought, all high ceilings and white marble floors. Kihyun ducked his head nervously, rushing into a nearby elevator Minhyuk pinned to his side, nearly leaving Shownu behind in their haste. He smacked a button for the 10th floor and Shownu raised an eyebrow at him, “What?” Kihyun asked mouth agape in confusion. “I didn’t realise it was so fancy in here, my place looks like a shoe box” he laughed, trying to release the tension in his shoulders, he felt out of place already. “I like your place” Kihyun protested shrugging, “That’s good, you’re going to be seeing a lot of it” Minhyuk teased, pulling him into a tight hug as Kihyun stared eyes wide in shock. Shownu glared at Minhyuk, although there was no malice intended his words still stung, he mouthed an apology grimacing. “Just trying to brighten the mood” he joked, finally releasing Kihyun as the elevator pinged open.

They followed Kihyun’s steps as he tentatively opened the door, cooing instantly, Shownu peered over Minhyuk in confusion as Kihyun turned, a small beady eyed creature curled up in his arms. “What’s that?” Shownu sneered at the fluffball, she seemed to be glaring back at him judgingly, “My cat” Kihyun laughed rolling his eyes, _You never mentioned owning a demon,_ Shownu thought. “What’s it called?” Shownu asked hesitantly, he could cope with dogs, dogs liked him, but he had a terrible track record with cats, starting with his grandmothers wicked moggy when he was four. “Versace” Kihyun said nonchalantly, wandering off inside the apartment, Minhyuk shrugged grinning at him “I told him it was a stupid name!” he held his hands up in defeat, giggling as he followed Kihyun. Shownu took a deep breath, nervous to enter and to see what Kihyun would be losing, for him. He stepped forward cautiously eyeing his surroundings, it was beautiful, it reminded him of Hoseok’s large city view apartment. It was huge, easily triple the size of Shownu’s, an open plan front room flowing into the kitchen and a wall of large windows opposite, the blinds were shut tight hiding the view. The confusion must have been evident on his face as Minhyuk stated “He’s terrified of heights” as he passed by, he blushed shyly at his inability to hide his emotions at a time like this. It put everything into perspective, the apartment he had dreamed of having when he came to the city was a reality for Kihyun, but it was his ivory tower and he despised it.

Kihyun stood in the middle of the room chewing his lip nervously, as if unsure where to begin or what to do. Minhyuk reappeared from a room out back with empty boxes and laid them out in the middle of the room, putting his hands on his hips like an excited child waiting for praise. Kihyun smirked, it was short lived but had danced beautifully across his face. “Shall we begin?” he asked, it was like a switch had clicked back inside his brain, waking him up as he began barking demands and organising the other two. Shownu was emptying the kitchen cabinets when his phone began to ring. _Hoseok?_ He stared at it perplexed for a moment, hitting accept. “Hello, is Hyungwon with you today?” his excited voice hit him in a wave, “Hello, I’ve missed you too darling” Shownu drawled sarcastically “It’s an idol day, I thought you had a secretary for reason” he tutted, “Can’t get good help these days” he grinned goofily despite being alone, crouched on the cool tiles of the kitchen floor. He could hear Dan-I’s shouts of protest in the background, which only made him laugh more. “How’s London?” he asked, “Actually” they chimed in unison down the phone, “We’re home!” Hoseok shouted, he could imagine his big toothy grin, he missed him more than he thought. “Can you come pick us up?” Shownu sighed heavily “Actually…” he said, a tinge of sadness in his voice as he gave Hoseok the short version of recent events. He heard Dan-I gasp in the background, his heart constricting painfully, “Arseholes” Hoseok growled, “What can we do?” Shownu paused for a moment, thinking it over… “Can you get the pack together? We can have dinner at my place tonight?” Hoseok hummed in response “Yes of course, take your time we’ll meet you at yours” he said softly. “That includes Hyungwon now, him and Kihyun are quite the pair” Shownu stated flatly, it a well known fact at this point but he knew Hoseok would appreciate it being said explicitly. “I’ll work something out” Hoseok giggled, a hint of mischief in his voice “I haven’t told him we’re back yet” he said almost a whisper, there was a muttered conversation and the sound of an engine whirling to life. “You haven’t told him?!” Shownu bellowed, smacking his head against the top of the counter he had climbed in, “Not yet” Hoseok whispered guiltily, “Fuck sake” Shownu whined back, rubbing his painful head, “What am I going to do with you?” he tutted shaking his head, despite the fact Hoseok couldn’t see him. “I was going to surprise him! That’s _romantic!”_ Hoseok protested, he could hear the pout in his voice, Shownu rolled his eyes “I’ll see you later” he grinned and hung up.

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The packing process was slow and steady, a couple of security guards arrived with gifts and kind words and that seemed to glue pieces of Kihyun’s shattered heart back together. Kihyun dragged another full box out of the bedroom dropping it by the front door, the upbeat music blaring around them giving him strength and a welcome distraction. He turned to check on Shownu and burst into fits of giggles, falling to his knees. Minhyuk and Shownu were in the middle of the room dancing haphazardly and singing along to cheer up, he stayed there watching them dance and laugh. His cheeks began to hurt as he was smiling so hard, he peeled himself off the floor and crossed him arms as the song came to an end. “Working hard?” he asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow “Yah!” Minhyuk shouted launching himself at him and wrapping him in a cuddle, “We were borrrreeedd” he complained, it echoed loudly in the quickly emptying apartment. “We’re nearly done” he grinned back, squeezing Minhyuk tightly and smiled up at Shownu over his shoulder.

He untangled himself from Minhyuk and disappeared back into his bedroom, it was mostly a hollow shell now, nothing but the left over furniture he didn’t need to take. He smiled one last time, his heart twanging painfully as he silently said goodbye to his home. He returned to the front room to see Minhyuk placing the last box onto the growing pile and give him a thumbs up. He smiled weakly, pacing around checking they hadn’t missed anything, Versace had begun to complain loudly from her carrier, rushing him. “Ok” he stated to the two exhausted faces looking at him expectantly, “I’ll just ring security, let them know we are removing the boxes now” he said, picking up the intercom phone. “The hire van’s ready in the parking lot” Shownu stated nodding at him slightly. Kihyun waited for the buzz to end and a familiar voice answered, “Security” he snapped tightly, “It’s 10A, Could you send someone to open the parking lot for us please… I… I don’t have a resident card anymore” he stuttered, the reality seeping in the cracks “We’re just moving the boxes down and then we’re done” he said finally, trying to keep his voice steady. “I’ll send someone up” he said formally and then the ending tone buzzed in his ear, Kihyun slowly put the phone door, chewing at his already raw bottom lip. “They’re sending someone up” he murmured, pacing around waiting.

The elevator pinged loudly as six security guards wandered in, some were the ones that visited earlier to say goodbye. Kihyun grinned at them “I only asked for one not the whole team” he beamed, “We want to help” a gruff voice spoke from under a mask, “To say goodbye… and thank you. You’ve been a wonderful resident” Kihyun was touched, his heart aching at their words, the tears came unwelcome and spilled down his cheeks as he nodded silently. Shownu appeared, as he often does, for him to lean on, to be comforted. He stood watching, his legs going weak as the men bowed low and began shifting boxes. They made short work of it with nine of them and Kihyun gave another tearful goodbye, dropping to the ground in a deep bow.

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“We can leave the stuff in the car until tomorrow” Shownu stated as the engine died, they had dropped Minhyuk off to check on the puppies, with the promise he would return later for dinner. “Hoseok’s here” he warned, giving Kihyun a tight smile, he wasn’t sure his heart could cope with any more shock. He nodded back slowly “I thought he was in London?” he asked confused, but not surprised. “Change of plans” Shownu giggled, exiting the van, he wandered round opening the door and helping Kihyun down, interlacing their fingers as they wandered out of the car park and towards the apartment. “Does Hyungwon know?” Kihyun said, eyeing him cautiously, Shownu ducked his head as a playful smile spread on his face. “I would hope so by now” he giggled, giving Kihyun’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “You realise as Hyungwon’s best friend if he hasn’t told him, I’ll have to kill him” he giggled, his eyes shining for the first time all day. “Is Hyungwon aware you’re under the impression you’re his best friend?” Shownu retorted with a snort as he put the key in the door.

The apartment was brightly lit, the curtains wide open allowing the evening dusk to shine through, Shownu winced, the yellow glaze on his flat made it look even shabbier in comparison to the fortress he’d spent most the day in. Hoseok was sprawled across the sofa, his belongings strewn across the other chairs, he perked up as they entered grinning wide. Kihyun bowed politely disappearing into the bedroom with the wailing box that was currently Versace. There was a loud bang in the kitchen, Shownu turned perplexed as Woosung gave him a shy, apologetic smile before chasing whatever it was, he dropped, Mike nodded at him his arms crossed over his chest. “What’s this?” Shownu laughed as Hoseok held him in a tight hug “We’re going to get my boyfriend” he beamed, his pointed teeth showing with mischief. “Oh god what are you…” Woosung cut him off, waving his arms weakly “We’ve already decided, don’t try to talk us out of it” the three of them shared a knowing look, there was a glint of determination in their eyes. “I can’t help you” he sighed “They’re my company too” he run his hands through his hair, stress levels rising. Mike looked at him in confusion and Woosung waved him away, as if he’d explain later moving further into the kitchen to give them some privacy. “I know” Hoseok stated, his voice steady, “I won’t expect you too risk your job, but I have to do this, it’s the only way” Shownu sighed, anyone else would have withered under his steely gaze but it just switched on his protective instincts instead. “This doesn’t have anything to do with before, right?” he asked hesitantly and Hoseok shook his head, “It’s about Hyungwon” he was beginning to fidget and Shownu knew he wouldn’t be able to keep him much longer. “Remember, you are stronger and scarier looking than you think” he patted him on the shoulder, he turned his attention to the other two, making a collective announcement “Don’t break anything, Don’t hurt anyone, Don’t get arrested…. And Don’t scare Hyungwon” he stated, letting his eyes flutter closed, there was a bubble of doubt in his stomach, every nerve in his body buzzing to go with him but he had to stay, he couldn’t leave Kihyun alone. Hoseok nodded and eagerly marched out the flat, the others began to follow, Shownu stopped Mike holding his shoulder gently “Don’t let him lose his temper” he warned “he’ll never forgive himself” he gave him a tight smile “You can count on me” Mike said, smiling back and rushing after the others.

Kihyun appeared, he had showered and changed his brown hair flopping onto his forehead. “Where is everyone?” he asked, looking around confused “Gone to rescue the princess from the tallest tower” he joked trying to relive the tension in his muscles. Hoseok rushed back in suddenly collecting up his jacket, phone and keys, giving them both a big smile, “I want to go too” Kihyun protested, moving towards him. Hoseok snorted loudly, “No, you need to stay pretty” he cooed, “there’s a design on the table for you to approve!” he grinned, gesturing towards the pad and rushing out again “You have to stay pretty too!” Shownu bellowed out as the door slammed shut. Kihyun forgot his sulk, gasping and scrambling for the pad as he sat down in disbelief, his mouth agape, “Is it that hideous?” Shownu joked, sliding in beside him and nuzzling into his shoulder “It’s beautiful” he whispered in shock, he placed it back down cautiously as if a sudden movement would cause the image to dissolve. He leant back, allowing Shownu to lie against him more comfortably, he closed his eyes and they sat in blissful silence for a few moments, all he could hear was the thump oKf his own heartbeat in his ears. “What did he mean about I had to stay pretty?” Kihyun asked breaking the silence, without moving Shownu murmured back “I think he intends you to model them” it wasn’t until he felt Kihyun’s body stiffen beneath them he realised what was a casual request for him was a huge bombshell to Kihyun. “Me?” he spluttered, his cheeks tinged pink, “I’m not tall enough to model” he reasoned shaking his head. “You are beautiful though” Shownu stated proudly, leaving a warm kiss on his cheek, “plus Hoseok never cared for terms and conditions, if you inspire it, you model it, no matter what shape or size” Kihyun relaxed, giving him a beaming smile.

The front door opened once more and Dan-I wandered through, shopping bags in her arms, both men jumped out rushing to help her “I can handle two bags!” she protested as Shownu twisted her wrist and wandered off into the kitchen with a bag. Eun-ho appeared in the doorway with another two bags, bowing politely and entering. “Hello again” he smiled widely and Kihyun felt his insides melt, he remembered him. “Hello” he stuttered shyly, bowing low, “What can I do?” he asked hopefully as Dan-I and Shownu bickered loudly in the kitchen over who was paying for the shopping. “After the day you’ve had, rest” he nodded giving him a tight smile. Kihyun nodded and walked away feeling deflated, so much had happened in the last few hours and it was beginning to make his head spin. The memory of the library felt so long ago but the pain in his heart reminded him how fresh the wound was, he curled up on the sofa with glazy eyes pretending to watch a drama. “And how would they be doing that? During his comeback” he heard a sharp voice grow louder as they moved closer to the sofa, “He isn’t allowed out! And you! You let him go!” Dan-I screamed, Kihyun shot up watching the scene unfold, Shownu seemed to have shrunk in size he stood shoulders hunched and his head drooped like a five year old being scolded by his mother as Dan-I stood flicking a tea towel furiously. The towel collided with Shownu’s upper arm and a loud snap rung out around the room, they all stared in shock, the two participants included. “Oh!” Dan-I yelled, “Sorry!” she leant forward touching the red searing mark tentatively. Shownu began to laugh, his smile wide and his eyes crinkling as he brushed her off with a quick hug “He will be fine” he murmured, “He didn’t go alone” she sighed in relief, sinking into the chair “I’m too tired for this!” she whined as Eun-ho cradled her and began stroking her hair, Kihyun approached shyly offering a blanket that Eun-ho kindly accepted “And I don’t get paid enough” she bellowed causing another chorus of laughter before she closed her eyes.

Kihyun slunk back down with a sigh, this was easily the busiest day he’s had in his life so far. He curled up comfortably, his headache throbbing as he stared out the window, the dusk had turned to night and the sky had become an inky blue as twilight set in. He watched as Shownu flittered around the kitchen putting things away here and tidying nervously, he could tell he was just worrying about Hoseok. The doorbell rung and Shownu rushed forward, Minhyuk shrieked and brushed past him, jumping down into the seat beside Kihyun, “Shhh!” he whined gesturing to Dan-I and Minhyuk apologised, giggling into the crook of his arm. “Where’s everyone else?” he asked and Kihyun sighed “Not here yet, shall we order the food?”

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Kihyun sat pretending to watch the drama, whilst Minhyuk babbled beside him explain the plotline absentmindedly watching Shownu pacing around the kitchen, he was staring into his phone with burning intensity. The door burst open, the rebels entering with shrieks and screams of happiness, everyone jumped up, unable to contain their excitement. Mike and Woosung bowed dramatically, laughing as Hoseok and Hyungwon entered behind them, hand in hand. Hoseok raised his arm in victory, with an infectious grin spread across his face. Dan-I sprung up off the chair, asking a million questions at the speed of light and checking them both over for injuries like a worried mother, only calming when they both insist nothing happened and they were fine. Shownu pulled Hoseok into a cuddle, whispering something animatedly in his ear. Hyungwon smiled warmly at Kihyun as he approached, he stepped forward wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug. Kihyun stood in his embrace shocked and stiff “Yah! What’s this about?” he giggled, trying to hide his smugness that Hyungwon had chosen to cuddle him, “It’s my turn to be here for you” Hyungwon said, his voice calm and comforting. Kihyun smiled at him weakly, his heart leaping, he scanned the room, and everyone was staring in awe, clearly as shocked as he was. Hoseok finally broke the silence “Where’s the food?” he asked.

As if like clockwork as everyone got comfortable squishing into the limited seating within the front room, the pizza arrived causing them all to shift round once more. After an intense game of rock, paper, scissors Minhyuk sulked into his spot on the floor, Dan-I and Eun-ho taking one chair and Mike and Woosung taking the other. Hyungwon and Kihyun shared worried looks as Hoseok and Shownu insisted all four of them would fit on the sofa, they shifted and Kihyun was thankful for his small stature, giggling loudly when he looked over to see Hyungwon sat across Hoseok instead, he shrugged gesturing to his long legs. The movie run quietly in the background, neglected by the rabble of excited voices as they all shared and laughed. Minhyuk had slowly shifted over leaning into Woosung’s lap, Kihyun raised his eyebrows at him knowingly and he grinned playfully, placing a single finger against his lips with a slow uneven blink. Kihyun sat back, observing as they all interacted, there was a warm, cosy atmosphere that he wasn’t used too. It had been just him and Minhyuk since he came into the city nearly nine years ago and yet in less than a month, he had somehow found seven other wonderful people. Kihyun didn’t have much to compare it to, but he was certain this is what a loving family looks like, feels like. His shattered, spiky heart was beginning to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update! this one is a bit happier :)


	15. Spring Blossoms

Kihyun awoke, confused, and disorientated. He sprung up thrashing wilding against the heavy sheets confining him, his eyes blurry and his head fuzzy as he began to adjust to the dark room. _It’s Shownu’s bedroom you idiot_ … his inner voice cackled wildly, he huffed as he fought his way out of the blanket and ripped the curtains open. The bright sunshine spilled in and he gazed around the room, it was plainer than he had expected, basic furniture and hardly any decoration except from a GOT7 poster on the wall and an old photo of him and Hoseok that sat on his bedside table. Versace had perched herself on top of the wardrobe, curled up and was snoozing peacefully, the hum of her purr grounded him as he wandered into the ensuite, rubbing his bleary eyes.

He rubbed a towel through his fluffy brown hair, padding out into the front room, Shownu was sitting on the sofa hunched over a laptop. “Where’s your laundry room?” Kihyun asked thoughtlessly and Shownu snorted in response, “the washing machines in the kitchen” he stated and Kihyun shuffled away embarrassed, the flush warming his neck and ears. He returned and Shownu was still immersed in the laptop, probably working… he presumed as he scooped up the keys eager to start unpacking. He slipped on his slides and strolled down to the car park, as he began shifting boxes to get to the few he wanted and could carry, he couldn’t shake the feeling he was being… _watched._ He ignored the feeling, he had spent years knowing he was being spied on, the feeling wouldn’t disappear in a day he reasoned. He finally found what he was looking for as he shut the van door and turned, he noticed a man leaning against the car park wall smoking. He nodded at him with a smirk and Kihyun looked around confused before he realised it was aimed at him, he nodded back and bowed his head politely as he rushed towards the exit, “Wait!” the stranger called out and he paused, inches away from the exit, his heart hammering in his chest. “You’re new here” he stated, looking him up and down, licking his lips in a way that made his insides squirm. “Yes” he stated blankly, eager to escape. “I’d remember a pretty face like that anywhere” he smirked, showing pointed teeth, Kihyun began to feel like a mouse staring up at it’s predator. “I’ve just moved in with my boyfriend” he spat, with extra emphasis on the _boyfriend,_ bowed politely once more and scuttled away.

He kicked the door shut awkwardly, throwing himself off balance and falling forward, he let out a yelp and hoped that the boxes would cushion his fall. He braced for impact, but it never came, two strong arms holding him in place “You should have just asked me to help” Shownu sighed into a weak giggle as he helped Kihyun back upright. “You looked busy” he shrugged, his cheeks burning from embarrassment, “Are you ok baby?” Shownu asked, concern flashing across his face as he snatched the boxes away discarding them on the floor and pulling him into a soothing cuddle. “Yeah… just feel out of place” he sighed, leaning into his muscular frame, taking a deep breath, “Let’s get you unpacked and then it’ll feel a bit more like home” he smiled wide releasing him. “Thank you” he murmured his eyes wrinkling into delicate crescent moons, Shownu padded away flopping down onto the sofa, running his hands through his already messy chestnut hair. Something about how relaxed he looked, glasses askew, hair mussed up in a plain t-shirt and jogging bottoms tugged at his heart strings, he still managed to look gorgeous and out of his league without even trying. He smiled to himself, revelling in his luck and undeserved happiness. He grabbed the box and waddled over to the nearly bare bookcase in the corner, gradually putting books on, rearranging them several times by size, shape and colour until he was happy with the bottom shelf. He leant back with his hands on his hips admiring his work proudly when another box fell beside him, he gazed up at Shownu with a beaming grin, he had obviously been quietly moving them in for a while, a large stack sat by the front door. “Thank you” he said giddily and demanded a kiss, Shownu bent down obliging to his commands, holding him close, “That’s ok” he smiled, “I do actually have to work though” he laughed shallowly, stress pinching at the fine lines in his face. “Hey, was there still a _guy_ in the parking lot?” Kihyun asked hesitantly and Shownu nodded, “Yeah” he muttered absentmindedly snacking on something crunchy, “Why?” he asked between crunches and Kihyun umm’ed and uhh’ed for a moment trying to figure out a way to _politely_ tell him his neighbour was creepy. “Does he ever hit on you?” Shownu’s eyes grew wide as he choked, snorting with laughter “Does he ever _what?_ ” he cackled again, struggling to catch his breath. “Never mind” he rolled his eyes sarcastically, scanning his large frame with his eyes judgingly “I forgot you look like a straight gym junkie” he griped and Shownu’s face changed drastically from playful and bright to dark and concerned. “Did he hit on you?” he asked, his voice turning slow and stony as he glared down at him with a blank expression, Kihyun felt his words die in his throat as he nodded his head sheepishly and watched as Shownu’s expression soured as he leapt towards the door. Kihyun scrambled after him struggling to keep up with his long strides shouting and screaming behind him, he managed to catch the back of his t-shirt as he slipped gracefully down the steps and held tightly like a clingy child “What. Are. You. Doing” he whined breathless as he struggled to hold Shownu still, he jittered anxiously beneath his iron grip. “Just going to have a word” he muttered through gritted teeth and Kihyun shook his head violently, “I just want you to be comfortable here” he sighed, looking down at his bare feet regretfully. “I’d be more comfortable if you helped me unpack instead” he smiled, taking his hand as they wandered back into the house together.

After a few hours of giggling, tickling and wrestling they had finally got all the books they could fit onto the shelves and Shownu had strategically placed little trinkets on top out of Kihyun’s reach and refused to rearrange them stating ‘it was his shelf and he had it how he likes it’ with which Kihyun retorted something about him liking ‘mess’ that got him swept off his feet and thrown on the sofa. He leant forward to neaten up Shownu’s hair, smiling down at him, he chewed on his bottom lip absentmindedly. “What’s wrong?” Shownu asked concerned as he trailed feather light kisses across his neck and Adam’s apple, Kihyun let out a small giggle, leaning into his touch, “Nothing” he smiled breathlessly as he pecked his round nose. “I’m excited and nervous… I guess” he dropped his head in an attempt to hide his blush “We’re actually dating now, no secrets” he beamed as Shownu wrapped his arms around his waist, grabbing fistfuls of his butt. He tutted loudly, sinking into his lap, and snuggling into his sculpted chest “To be honest, I’m a bit scared, I’ve never got to have a proper relationship” he said shakily, hiding his face. “|Neither have I but I think we’ll be ok” Shownu laughed, his heavy hands patting at Kihyun’s back reassuringly.

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Kihyun flickered his eyes open, stretching out lazily, his limbs colliding with Shownu’s sleeping body. He grinned over at him, tucking himself in behind him and snuggling closer, enjoying his presence. He breathed deep, sighing with relief. It had been a long, slow week unpacking and trying to get comfortable in his new home but he was starting to get used to the place and waking up beside Shownu was becoming more natural and he closed his eyes memorising this moment, this feeling forever. Shownu awoke with a loud grunt that caused Kihyun to snigger childishly into his pillow, this gorgeous dork was all his, and he couldn’t be happier.

He padded around absentmindedly cleaning and tidying as he went, as Shownu sleepily nursed a cup of tea. “What do you want to do today?” he croaked and Kihyun shrugged confused, “Well I was going to do some laundry and we need food shopping-” he craned his neck up to look at Shownu over the basket of washing he was carrying, his words disappearing as Shownu stared at him with a stony expression. “You’ve barely left the flat all week, I was thinking more of a date” he laughed as he took the basket from Kihyun and discarded it on the floor nearby. Kihyun flinched as the plastic collided with the hard wood floor sending dirty clothes flying everywhere. “Shownu!” he yelled, shoving past to tidy it up frantically. “Nope!” he muttered, wrapping his arms around Kihyun’s waist, and hauling him over his broad shoulders. Kihyun whined and kicked, unable to get out of his boyfriends grasp as he carried him out the front door “I DON’T HAVE SHOES ON!” he screeched loudly as he attempted to cling onto the doorframe, Shownu lifted his shoulder purposefully bumping his arm causing him to disconnect. “Shownu-ah!” he groaned as he relaxed, tired, and exasperated as he gave in. He was dropped awkwardly into the car, the door slammed shut and Shownu fell into place beside him. “You look a mess” Kihyun laughed, exposing pointy teeth and devilish eyes. “Oh well” Shownu grinned, adjusting his glasses and starting the car. “Urm, my shoes?” Kihyun asked, glaring round at the grubby car with disgust, Shownu shrugged and laughed “I guess I’ll have to buy you some” he grinned as Kihyun sulked back into his seat.

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Kihyun shuffled forward awkwardly in his oversized convenience store slippers, the damp grass rubbing around the edges of his feet as he walked. He grimaced and huffed but his irritation died quickly when he saw Shownu’s bright smile, he was perched at the edge of a large lake, the surface shimmering in the midday sunshine. He called out “Kihyun-ah!” as he shifted forwards, his tall frame was practically hidden by the large reeds that adorned the edges, but his voice was enthusiastic and childlike. Kihyun’s calves began to complain from the extra weight as he rushed to follow, he heard a splash and in panic shouted “Shownu!” he shrieked, and a loud insistent shushing came back as the brunettes head appeared between the tall grass and reeds. “Come here!” he hissed, his eyes glowing with excitement, Kihyun bent down, creeping up beside him at the bank of the lake. “What?” he asked, Shownu’s sudden disappearance and urgency piquing his curiosity, “Look!” he pointed as he entwined his fingers and pulled Kihyun down beside him, snuggling in close and resting his head on his shoulder. Kihyun’s eyes scanned the murky water in confusion when a small brown and yellow head appeared out the water with a splash. The small fluffball quacked loudly and he heard Shownu stifle a giggle beside him, just at that moment another four ducklings appeared, quacking, and playing in the water in front of them. It was a beautiful sight, nature in all its glory splayed out in front of them. He squeezed Shownu’s hand appreciatively, he was thankful he had dragged him out the house, thankful for all these experiences he never dreamed he’d have.

“Want to feed them?” Shownu asked, nudging him absentmindedly with a paper bag full of seed. “You just happen to carry that around?” he teased, hitching his eyebrow up as Shownu tutted and shoved into him with his broad shoulders. As always, the small movement from him sent Kihyun tumbling backwards into the mud with a thud, he glared over accusingly but Shownu’s bashful blushing cheeks were too irresistible and he laughed instead. He reached out to throw a handful of seed into the water and the ducks became noisy once more as they all rushed towards the epicentre of the food, “I got it at the entrance” Shownu explained, “When I picked up the map” he flashed a bright toothy smile at Kihyun, “I thought seeing them would help”. “Ducks?” Kihyun reiterated in confusion and Shownu pinched at him playfully “Yah!! I’m trying here!” he whined as he snuggled into him further, wrapping his arm around Kihyun’s shoulder. “Baby ducks” he muttered, “Born in spring, when we celebrate new beginnings” he stated and Kihyun felt his cheeks burn immediately “You are so cute” he teased, as he titled Shownu’s head up towards him and planted a deep kiss on his lips.


	16. Fresh Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm so so sorry for the slow updates on this. 
> 
> I'll be honest with you all, the Wonho solo confirmation and then the Fantasia comeback stirred up a lot of emotions and anxiety in me and it felt like the first of November all over again and i struggled to engage in anything to do with Monsta X, as much as i love OT6 i respect that this is the reality of the situation but seeing them as six hurt, it really really hurt and then seeing him alone was just, a whirlwind. I was so happy so excited to have him back i just cried non stop lol. so I struggled to write anything MX at this time and its been a difficult time for me. 
> 
> In the last few weeks i've been catching up on the contents i missed and I THINK the pain is easing... i've really enjoyed writing this chapter and i'm hoping the fire stays lit so i can complete this fic!
> 
> thanks to anyone still reading this. thank you so so much. 
> 
> much love and stay safe 
> 
> <3 <3 <3

“Come on Ducky wake up” A soft voice cooed in Kihyun’s ear, he begrudgingly pried his eyes open, enjoying the warm of Shownu’s body pressed against his. “Come on, if we’re late Hoseok will crucify us” Shownu guffawed once more as Kihyun groaned aloud. “I still don’t want to do this, I’m not his charity case” he spoke acidly as he dragged himself upright running his hands through his messy fringe. “It’s not _charity_ ” Shownu growled “When he intends for you to do enough work for nine people single-handedly, trust me, you’ll earn your pay” Shownu said reassuringly, his strong hands patting at Kihyun’s smaller shoulders. “I guess so” he sighed, smiling shyly “I don’t actually have a choice, do I?” he laughed nervously as Shownu shook his head vigorously beaming back.

Kihyun tucked his shirt in, smoothing out the fine lines in his jumper once more as he checked his appearance meticulously in the car wing mirror. “Baby you look fine! It’s _Hoseok_ you don’t need to do anything special” Shownu teased as he interlaced his fingers with Kihyun’s smaller hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “He is my new boss, I need to make a good impression” Kihyun stated, giving Shownu a stern look as he took one last deep breath and entered through the glass double doors. “Sweater vests are not my idea of a good impression but ok” Shownu laughed cautiously as he led Kihyun up the stairs and into the lobby.

Dan-I smiled brightly from her desk as they entered, there was a cosy atmosphere whenever she was around that Kihyun just couldn’t describe. Seeing Dan-I plonked behind her desk was like seeing the bookshelves stacked neatly every morning, it just felt _safe._ “He’s in his studio, just go through” she said a slight jubilance to her voice. Shownu nodded in agreement throwing the door open without so much as knocking and sauntering in like it was his second home, which Kihyun considered, it probably was.

He watched as Shownu flopped down on the sofa, throwing himself back comfortably. Hyungwon was curled up the other end engrossed in a book, he didn’t even look up at their entrance, he glanced around the ‘studio’ in bewilderment and a tinge of disgust. Rolls of fabrics stacked wonkily were strewn on every available surface, a chest of drawers sat at the back with drawers sticking open and a mess of products overflowing everywhere. There was what he could only describe as a washing line of beautiful designs, scribbled it ink and lead with blotches of colour here and there. A table sat beneath it strewn with papers of an uncertain fate. It was chaotic, at best and Kihyun cringed at the sight of it, taking a deep breath. He had been warned, multiple times, and he had met Hoseok, he knew better than to question his methods when he made such wonderous articles of clothing he reasoned as he suppressed the urge to clean and tidy. 

In the middle sat a big old heavy set wooden desk, something that looked like it had fallen off a movie set. Kihyun admired the woodwork, the little dips and spirals in the legs, it fit in well. His heart broke a little more as he scanned the top, crumpled papers scattered all over with flashes of coloured pencils peeking out underneath the mess. A computer and a laptop sat open slowly disappearing under the mountains of materials dumped on top of them. “Good morning Hoseok” Kihyun chimed happily with a smile, causing the man to jerk his head up suddenly. “You came!” Hoseok practically shouted, breaking out into a huge toothy grin, “You got him to agree?” he asked as he spun round quickly, presumably searching for Shownu who gave a dismissive wave from the sofa without looking up from his phone.

“Yes I agree, I’ll the sign the contract” Kihyun stated, trying desperately to disguise the shakiness in his voice “I’ll be your promotions manager”. He stood tall, trying to look confident as his insides turned to liquid. “About time you turned up” Hoseok smirked, looking him up and down his smile contorting into a sneer, “Oh… Kihyun… you’re not a librarian anymore you don’t have to dress like your eighty” Hoseok sighed as he shook his head, there were no malice in the words and Kihyun knew it was the truth but they stabbed at his heart painfully “Yah! Nunu you let him come in my building dressed like _that?_ ” Hoseok teased, a mischievous smile spread across his face. Before Kihyun could even process that nickname ‘Nunu’ which he mentally noted to query later, Hyungwon had snapped the book shut and was glaring at Hoseok, “Enough” Hyungwon barked, his sharp voice echoing around them.

Kihyun glanced between the other couple, a whole conversation seemed to be going on with just their eyes and Shownu sat silently on the sofa, shrugging apologetically. “The sample room is back there” Hoseok stated gesturing behind him “help yourself to whatever you like” he grinned as he clasped his hands together on the desk, fireworks sparked deep inside of Kihyun’s stomach and he thought his legs were going to give out under him, “help… myself…. to your designs?” he stuttered in confusion, staring at Hoseok blankly. “Yes, yes… If you find anything you like bring it to me, I’ll adjust the length for you…” Hoseok stated waving him away dismissively, adjusting his glasses and lifting up another stray piece of paper inspecting it intently. Kihyun took two shaky steps forward his heartbeat thumping through his head like a drill when he heard a heft sigh from beside him. “I know its overwhelming” Hyungwon smiled down from beside him “Want some help picking stuff out?” he smiled reassuringly as Kihyun nodded shyly, his mouth suddenly dry from the nerves.

Kihyun entered into the cave of wonders, rails and rails of clothing filled the small space. He gasped slowly taking in the mess of pieces, colours and styles hung everywhere with no real form of organisation. He scanned the area in shock, his brain overflowing with excitement and fear as Hyungwon smiled at him “Amazing, isn’t it?” he stated proudly as Kihyun nodded silently unable to form coherent sentences. There was a separate rail to his left, with a big red ‘DO NOT TOUCH’ sign stuck to the edge but something caught his eye and he felt like a toddler in a toy shop as it called out to him, he stumbled forward like a zombie hands extended in front of him. “No!” Hyungwon shrieked, smacking his hand away quickly a flash of fear in his eyes “Dan-I says we aren’t allowed to touch that rail, _ever._ ” Hyungwon scolded throwing his long arms out as a shield whilst Kihyun rubbed at his hand pitifully, “Why?” he queried and Hyungwon scrunched his nose up as if in thought for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh “I don’t know, you don’t question Dan-I” he giggled for a moment as Kihyun nodded along “True, I just want to look at that one though” Kihyun squealed as he ducked under Hyungwon’s arms grabbing hold of a silver hanger. There was a denim jacket, encased in a clear plastic bag, Kihyun twirled it round gasping loudly, Hyungwon gasped with him stepping forward for a closer look. It was stunning, the whole back was painted in hues of red and green, a bright dragon sat on a tower of books with a small brown bear clutched in its claws, smouldering petals were drifting across the painting. “Wow” he stated breathlessly and felt Hyungwon’s nod of agreement beside him, “Amazing, isn’t he?” Hyungwon bragged and Kihyun swallowed trying to remove the lump in his throat. “Amazing, spectacular, magnificent… all the words” Kihyun giggled and Hyungwon jabbed at his ribs jealously “Ow! on a professional level only!” Kihyun clarified sticking his tongue out childishly.

Kihyun returned to the studio with a pair of black skinny jeans and a black and white striped shirt draped over his arm, he approached Hoseok silently as Hyungwon flopped down onto the sofa returning to his book. Shownu gave him an encouraging smile and thumbs up as he cleared his throat loudly. “Hoseok, would you adjust these for me?” he asked tentatively as the large man beamed up at him “Of course I can, just put it down… anywhere” Hoseok laughed loudly, a hearty chuckle that sent shivers down Kihyun’s spine. Being around Hoseok was like being around the college students at work, they were always a strange mix of studious and playful. He eyed the war zone that was once Hoseok’s desk and placed them down cautiously… “So to be clear, no sweater vests in the office?” Kihyun joked and Hoseok chuckled once more, his eyes morphing into tiny crescent moons “No sweater vests… clothes are not tools to hide behind, they enhance us” he said sweetly “Go and speak with Dan-I, she’ll show you your office” Hoseok stated warmly.

Kihyun walked away, his stomach doing flips of happiness and nerves as he shut the studio door firmly behind him. “Hey Dan-I, sorry to bother you but Hoseok said you’d show me my office?” he asked shyly, twiddling his thumbs but Dan-I smiled at him kindly as she jumped up from her seat. “Shownu tells me you like things tidy, it’ll be nice to have someone else with sense around” she joked as she led him back down the corridor and paused at an old worn wooden door with a glass pane in the centre, blocked out by a small beige blind. “It used to be storage” she explained bashfully as they entered. There was a small wooden desk with a laptop and a stack of papers sat neatly in the middle waiting for him, behind it was three large filing cabinets with boxes stuffed above it. “I’ve tidied it up the best I could, and you can decorate however within reason…” Dan-I started but Kihyun cut her off quickly “It’s amazing, better than I ever imagined” he grinned wide, something about the blank old plain walls comforted him. “Okay, get comfortable, we’ve got two weeks until the Seoul Show the outline’s on your desk, I’ll check on you later” she chimed and with that she was gone. Kihyun stood alone, breathing in the musty air. He took a deep breath and dropped into the cushioned desk chair slowly, “Hello new job” he sighed shakily smirking to himself.

He scanned the documents carefully as he signed and initialled willingly signing his life away to Wonho’s design house yet for some reason something excited was bubbling under his skin. The new area and challenges that awaited him lighting a fire deep within in his soul, sparks flicking through his nerves as he dragged his glasses out of his bag and immersed himself into his work.

********************************************************************

Shownu sprawled out on the sofa idly playing on his phone, Hyungwon stood up suddenly beside him stretching lazily “Are you staying?” he asked politely and Shownu nodded, half expecting him to scold him and was surprised by the warm smile he got in response “Ok, I’m going to go organise lunch with Dan-I” he grinned as he rubbed his stomach and wandered off out the door. Shownu glared over at the other man, he was hunched over his desk mumbling incoherently, the scratching of his pencil on the paper the only sound. He was oblivious to his surroundings completely and Shownu decided to seize this opportunity, he flicked round quickly grabbing a handful of fluffy bunnies from behind him and launched them in quick succession at Hoseok’s head, two hitting their target and bouncing off, recoiling lamely across the desk. Hoseok stared up at him his eyes wide with shock and mischief “What was-” Hoseok began but Shownu leaped up tackling him from the side and taking him to the floor, his knees smacking down painfully either side of him. He tickled him mercilessly, digging his fingers into his ribs and thighs as Hoseok wriggled beneath him, his loud infectious laughter echoing around them. “Bringing Nunu back are we?... Hoho?... sure you want to do that _Hoho_?” Shownu teased breathlessly between attacks as he blocked hits and struggled against Hoseok’s strong frame.

He reached out grabbing for a bunny that had landed nearby earlier and began smacking Hoseok in the head with it repeatedly whilst he shrieked and whined, shielding his face. The two continued, shrieking and shouting at each other over the use of their old “Starship names” as they struggled back and forth, Hoseok still trying and failing to rescue the poor bunny being weaponised by Shownu. Someone cleared their throat loudly behind them and the two froze, Shownu dropped the bunny instantly as he turned his head slowly coming face to face with Dan-I. She stood the other side of the desk, leaning over it to look down at them, tutting loudly, “I’ll have to throw you out if you assault him” she teased with a wide grin and Shownu shrugged cheekily “This is completely consensual” he beamed back. “Consensual?!” Hoseok shrieked, staring at Shownu accusingly as he fixed his hair. Hyungwon stood beside Dan-I staring down at them with a huge smile on his face, “Are Nunu and Hoho ready to get up?” he teased brightly.

******************************************************************

Kihyun rubbed his forehead, scowling as he re-read the same sentence over and over again. He huffed as he collected up the clipboard and stalked back off to get help from Dan-I, he stared at the empty desk in confusion as he approached the studio door cautiously. He stared in and saw Dan-I and Hyungwon leaning over Hoseok’s desk chatting animatedly in between shrieks and laughter. He snuck forward slowly “Hey what’s up?” he laughed as he struggled to look over the wide desk, he shifted forward on his tip toes, extending his body and peering over. Shownu was sitting atop Hoseok both giggling between ragged breaths with bright red faces. “Uh- what am I interrupting?” Kihyun spluttered, laughing loudly as Shownu dismounted Hoseok helping him up from the ground. “You aren’t interrupting, you are witnessing assault” Hoseok sulked as he collected up several plush bunny toys from the ground cradling them in his arms and he stomped off towards the sofa and placed them down gently. “Shownu, if you continue to distract our staff you’ll have to sit with me” Dan-I scolded, her eyes still twinkling playfully as Shownu drooped his head like a naughty child “I won’t be an issue, I never am” Shownu retorted as he sat back down, taking a large glug of drink.

“Good” She snapped once more, asserting her authority purely because she could, “Welcome to the office! What’s up?” she asked as she turned to Kihyun becoming soft and sweet within a heartbeat. “Nothing, I have my contract here for you and I just wanted to double check these details” Kihyun said, fumbling with the papers on his clipboard furiously, after a moment he handed a small pile of papers to Dan-I. “And uhm- there seems to be a misprint, this says the Seoul Show is in two weeks” he stuttered anxiously as Dan-I giggled “That’s correct” she assured and Kihyun stared at her with his mouth agape in disbelief. “B-b-but” he stuttered at a loss for words, “Dan-I this plan wants me to prepare a mall ad, a bus ad and a YouTube ad as well as physical promotion, I can’t throw that together in two weeks!” he shrieked, his chest tight with fear as the room began to spin around him. “You would have had three weeks if you started on time” Hoseok snorted from behind his desk, warranting another death glare from Dan-I. “Those are guidelines Kihyun, just do your best, ok?” she reassured, smiling and patting his shoulder. Kihyun gulped, trying to calm the swirling storm inside him. “Ok, I’ll try” he murmured, determination creeping into the cracks of his damaged soul.

*********************************************************************

Kihyun sat on cold wooden floor, surrounded by boxes with papers and folders scattered here and there. Chewing his lip anxiously as he chattered away on the phone, begging for his sickly sweet telephone voice and customer service skills to come in handy. “I know it’s short notice, we’ve just returned from a trip overseas, we’ve just had two extremely successful shows in Venice and London… yes, yes! Capitals of fashion!” he bragged expertly. “Yes you see unfortunately we ended up staying late to confirm and that’s put us behind schedule here, but I really, really want to make this show just as special, what do you say have you got any spaces we can negotiate on? Oh really? Perfect!” Kihyun punched the air excitedly, knocking into a wonkily stacked set of folders sending them flying across the room, the papers within flying free through the air.

He threw himself up out the room eagerly ignoring the mess he left behind as the door slammed shut behind him, he rushed round the corner and found Dan-I standing at her desk slipping her coat on. “Dan-I!” he called out, coming to a stop at her desk breathlessly his cheeks burning. “Kihyun! It’s gone seven! I thought you’d gone!” she said surprised as he grinned up at her triumphantly, “I got distracted but look!” he shrieked thrusting a formal looking contract at her. He watched as her eyes scanned the document, drinking the words in, her smile growing wider, “Kihyun! This is! Oh my… all this?” she confirmed raising an eyebrow suspiciously, “for the cost at the bottom and he’ll run a bus ad starting tomorrow until the day of the show for the low, low price of two VIP tickets” he grinned widely as she shrieked hopping up and down with excitement “this is perfect!” she beamed throwing her arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly. “I’ll contact them first thing tomorrow and sort it out, thank you!” she squeezed once more before releasing him and saying her goodbyes.

He stood in shock for a moment, the adrenaline of the situation starting to wear away and his exhaustion beginning to set in, it had been a while since he did a full day at work and his body hadn’t quite readjusted yet. He wandered into the studio to say his goodbyes to Hoseok, Hyungwon was snuggled up on the sofa, a fluffy blanket wrapped around him, he looked awfully sweet and peaceful, but he didn’t dare tell him that. Hoseok had dragged an old worn mannequin out into the middle of the room, holding up several different coloured and textured fabrics against it whilst staring at a pencil drawing and tutting. Beside him was Shownu skilfully catching each piece of discarded fabric as it was thrown through the air, he turned and grinned at Kihyun dropping the pile to the floor with a thud. “Hi are you finished?” Shownu asked, grinning widely his cheeks growing round. “Yeah, all done for today” Kihyun grinned as Hoseok turned “Working hours are nine til six, why are you here?” He joked, pins pursed between his lips. “Yes sir, it looks like you adhere to the working hours” Kihyun mocked as Shownu raised up a hanger with the stunning outfit from earlier, “it’s all ready for you for tomorrow” he grinned as he took Kihyun by the arm. “See you tomorrow boss” Kihyun giggled with a wave as Hoseok grinned and waved back “Don’t call me that!” he shouted after them as they left.


	17. Promotions Manger Kihyun

Kihyun awoke yawning and stretching wide, he blinked away sleep staring out the window as the morning sun shone brightly bathing the room in warm yellow rays. It turns out seven in the morning was more beautiful that five, who knew? Kihyun grinned to himself as he finally dragged his tired body upright preparing for a new day, at his new job, in his new life. He stared at the empty side of the bed confused for a moment before flicking the blankets and straightening them neatly.

Once showered Kihyun slipped into the tight black shiny jeans, grimacing as they hugged his thighs snuggly and throw on the loose-fitting striped top, admiring his sleek figure in the mirror. Positive thoughts bloomed, the warmth of self-love spreading through his bones as he styled his hair, a skip in his step. “Shownu?” He called out, half expecting to find him passed out on the sofa again or already eating in the kitchen but only Versace’s meows answered him. He wandered into the kitchen his footsteps echoing behind him, there was a scrap of torn paper trapped under a large glass bowl. Kihyun sighed, returning the bowl back into the kitchen cupboard and scooping up the note, “Hoseok emergency, gone in early” Shownu had scrawled quickly and beside it was a handful of Won for a bus ticket. Kihyun sighed, staring down at the money. “I wish he wouldn’t baby me!” he whined as Versace rubbed around his face and arms, desperately asking for attention… and food. “Although I do need this” Kihyun added with a giggle, as Versace’s tail whipped against his cheek and she cried loudly once more. “Yes! Yes! Ok!” He laughed lifting her gently and moving towards her food bowl.

************************

Kihyun threw his satchel over his shoulder lazily, one headphone in playing the new imagine dragon’s song as he wandered down the steps his keys jiggling in his hand. He turned into the parking lot absorbed in his own mind as he jammed a key into a large metal post box and retrieved a small stack of letter within. He locked it back up, eyes still glued to the letters as he flicked through observing them half-heartedly and then bent to the side stuffing them haphazardly into his bag. Kihyun felt foreign hands grab at his backside and flinched, shrieking away from the stranger his cheeks burning, he jumped away his face twisted in shock and his mouth hanging agape. “You!” Kihyun spat angrily, his cheeks puffed up and his heartbeat thudding in his ears at the strangers smiled at him smugly, “Ah new guy and I thought I didn’t make an impression on you” he laughed, deep and guttural that made Kihyun shiver fearfully. Despite his better judgement Kihyun took two steps forward, glaring up at the man, “Don’t. Fucking. Touch. Me!” he spat but the sleaze-ball grinned wider grabbing Kihyun by the elbow as he whispered, “I can do whatever I want”.

Kihyun struggled against the others iron grip but it was hopeless, and a sense of dread grew in his stomach causing panic to overcome him making his brain hazy as he struggled to breath. He didn’t hear the other guy appear or see him, just a blur of body movements and a shout of pain as he was released. Kihyun scuttled backwards quickly, falling against the wall with his hand on his heart as he stared at the figure lying unconscious on the ground. “That guy was hassling you right? I haven’t just knocked out some innocent guy?” The new arrival said, Kihyun turned gazing at him blankly only managing to blink rapidly. “Hey you ok?” The guy said moving closer and Kihyun got a strong whiff of something musky… and cinnamon?

“Uhh” Kihyun muttered, rubbing at his elbow absentmindedly “Yeah he was” Kihyun said, a slight nervous giggle escaping his lips. “Sorry!” he barked loudly smacking himself in the face with embarrassment as his ears turned scarlet, “I shouldn’t laugh, it’s not funny” Kihyun giggled once more struggling to contain himself when the other broke out into a shy laugh pushing his hair back out of his face. “Im Changkyun” he said thrusting his red swollen hand out for Kihyun to shake but instead he gasped, taking into tentatively between his own and turning it gently surveying the damage, “You need to get ice on that” Kihyun mused aloud. “Nice to meet you, you need to get ice on that, strange name” Changkyun teased, his tongue poking out between his teeth playfully. “Oh! Oh!” Kihyun hopped to attention, dropping his hand instantly and bowing, “Yoo Kihyun” he blabbered as he stood back upright.

“So do you live round here or…?” Kihyun asked hitching an eyebrow up suspiciously, “or do you just appear out of thin air to attack sexual predators as a full-time job?” he added mischievously and Changkyun smiled brightly, his eyes crinkling at the sides and a dimple appearing on his left cheek. “I live up in flat 203” he explained, straightening his jacket as Kihyun nodded “I just moved in with my boyfriend in 104…” Kihyun said warmly as he shifted nervously on the spot, now fully aware he was late for work. “I’m extremely thankful for your help and would love to get to know you but I really must get to work” Kihyun said after a moments silence bowing once more. “Don’t worry about it, I’m moving away soon so..” Changkyun said back giving a tight smile and bowing in return, “Report that” he said nodding in the direction of the body lying on the floor. “Thank you! I will!” Kihyun beamed as he ran towards the exit.

**********************************

Kihyun rushed through the glass doors, bolting up the stairs and finally came to a stop at Dan-I’s desk, bent double as he dragged air back into his lungs. “Kihyun what happened to you?” Dan-I jumped up, grabbing at his shoulders as she scanned him over in shock. “I’m sorry I’m late” Kihyun huffed and she broke out into a relived smile, “You should have just called!” she laughed soothing Kihyun’s mind as she shook her head and patted his shoulder gently. “Better late than never” she said with a grin as she slunk back down into her seat. Kihyun cleared his throat, struggling to regain his composure as he smiled back, “I’ll be in my office if you need me!” he said as he trotted back off into the corridor.

Kihyun stopped at the door, a plaque that wasn’t there before shone in the light, “Yoo Kihyun, Promotions Manager” gleamed at him from the door and he felt a wave of proudness overcome him and he opened the door with his head held high. As soon as the door clicked open the walls caught his eye and he began investigating, it was freshly painted a warm cream colour. Along the skirting board was a small page, that looked like it had been taken straight out of a book Kihyun saw the page number in the top corner and continued following the trail, eyes flickering as he tried to read snippets, cogs turning in his brain as he tried to identify the book they had once lived within. He bumped against his desk as he crawled along the floor stopping at a pile of books that had been stacked in the corner with a brown bear sitting atop them.

Kihyun’s eyes wondered up as he gasped aloud, a tall brown dragon with shimmering scales filled the wall, small pink petals were dotted around him and his long silver claws aligned with the book tower perfectly. Kihyun cupped his face, hesitantly leaning forward too scared to touch the beautiful work of that seemed to have appeared by magic. He hadn’t realised the tears had started to fall but he rubbed at his face furiously wiping them away as he got to his feet, scanning the room. The overfilled cardboard boxes that sat atop the filing cabinets yesterday were gone, the filing cabinets sat neatly against the wall leading into a velvety blue corner chair and next to it sat a large dark wooden bookcase. On it sat a small photo frame with a picture of Shownu inside and an even smaller fluffy yellow duck plushie.

**************

Kihyun sauntered towards Hoseok’s studio, a large binder in his arms, Dan-I called out to him without looking up from her computer, “Don’t react” she warned as Kihyun opened the door, wondering what could be worse than what he saw yesterday?

He entered, stumbling over his own feet as he stopped dead Shownu was sitting on Hoseok’s desk with cream paint matted into the back of his hair, he turned at the sound and broke into a broad smile, paint smeared all across his face and splattered up his clothes. He moved quickly enveloping Kihyun in a hug and he felt himself melt into Shownu’s chest. “Did you see it?” Shownu asked excitedly and Kihyun nodded distracted by a large splotch of brown paint on Shownu’s forearm, “Is that… is that a penis?” Kihyun asked, slowly pushing Shownu’s arm away as he scowled at the crude the drawing. He looked up into Shownu’s eyes as pink roses blossomed on his cheeks and he dropped his head like a guilty child.

“Hoseok did it!” Shownu squealed as he pointed over to the other man. Hoseok lifted his head, unaware of the situation giggling madly as he grinned. His cheeks puffing out and his eyes becoming crescent moons as he held his stomach pointing at Shownu, “I should have drawn it on your forehead” he said with a shrug as he grinned like an unrepentant toddler. Hoseok had splashes of brown and silver all over his shirt and a large cream handprint adorned his neck. Hyungwon finally looked up from his book disturbed by all the noise, “Have you set them off again?” he queried, glaring at Kihyun. “I’ve done nothing!” Kihyun retorted as Hoseok moved away from his desk and wandered off to snuggle into Hyungwon, Kihyun caught sight of another cream handprint, glaring at him from Hoseok’s black trousers, across his buttocks. He raised an eyebrow at Shownu as he stifled a giggle, “Thank you for my office Hoseok” Kihyun grinned, swaying side to side excitedly.

Hoseok waved back in response finally releasing Hyungwon as he returned to his desk reluctantly, “That’s not what you came to say was it?” He asked and Kihyun shook his head gently. “Firstly I wanted to apologise for being late and secondly you left me a note about this…” He scuttled through the folder dragging out a piece of scrap paper, “Jooheon! But didn’t leave me any contact information” he added. “You were late?” Shownu said his brow furrowed as he stared at Kihyun with concern, but he smiled brightly back, ignoring the pain eating away at his chest. Hoseok nodded, “It’s fine, it’s lucky you were I wasn’t even supposed to be painting” he said with a wolfish grin and Shownu snorted from the sofa “He wouldn’t get out the bloody way! I had to let him do something!” Shownu guffawed. Hoseok tutted, smacking at his pockets absentmindedly, “I’ll get that information one second” he said as he began searching across his desk frantically for his phone, that Shownu was proudly holding up from the sofa slipping it back into his pocket as Hoseok stood up. “I’ll ask Dan-I” Kihyun said with a grin as he exited the studio.

******************

Kihyun sat at his desk, his eyes wandering back to the empty bookshelf every few seconds and he frantically typed emails, his phone practically glued to his ear as he did the rounds trying to finalise ad’s as he ticked things off of his list. He smiled to himself, doing a happy dance as another round of emails pinged on the laptop and he began to busy himself once more.

Kihyun had lost all sense of time completely immersed in setting up a twitter page for Wonho’s design house and syncing it to his phone, so he could promote them whilst on location, which he imagined would happen eventually. Maybe he could even set up some Q&A’s with all the fans Hoseok is convinced he doesn’t have, Kihyun mused thinking back to the many many, Hoseok fan sites he was active with before he somehow became best friends with the man himself.

Shownu wandered in and gave Kihyun a tight smile, he waved half-heartedly as he ducked back down typing rapidly as he responded to the dozens of emails that pinged through at the last minute. “Ducky come on” Shownu whined as he dropped his head onto Kihyun’s shoulder, “I can’t, I was late, I need to stay late” Kihyun said with a sigh, barely even looking up as Shownu huffed and whined into his ear. “Ducckkkkyyy” he complained, “You don’t need to stay late don’t be ridiculous!” Shownu continued pulling on Kihyun’s sleeve, slowly dragging his hand away from the keyboard. “Hyunwoo!” Kihyun snapped, slamming his fist into the desk causing Shownu to recoil quickly. “What’s the matter?” Shownu asked, his voice thin as he shifted uncomfortably on the spot.

Kihyun jumped up in a panic, snaking his hands around Shownu’s waist as he snuggled into his chest. “I’m sorry baby” Kihyun cooed as Shownu’s paint splattered hands came to rest on his cheeks, “Come on let’s go say goodbye to Hoseok” Shownu said as Kihyun hastily moved to close down the laptop.

*********************

Kihyun was dragged back into the studio, Dan-I’s desk was already empty as they passed by. “Hoseok!” Shownu bellowed as they entered, Hoseok turned with wide eyes smiling brightly as they waved their goodbyes. “You look much better today Kihyun” Hoseok said smiling widely, as he looked him up and down, “Actually before you go…” he murmured grabbing some scraps of material from the desk and approaching Kihyun hopefully. “No! no!” Kihyun protested backing away hastily, “Day one of your designs got me sexual assaulted! I’m going back to my sweater vests!” Kihyun complained with a light giggle but the two men stared back at him with stony expression. “What?” Shownu demanded tugging at his elbow but Kihyun was transfixed by Hoseok’s face, his eyes had flickered darkly, and he crossed in his large arms over his chest. “Excuse me?” Hoseok said, eyes staring into Kihyun’s soul as he gulped, withering beneath his gaze. “Well… that’s why I was late… I went to get the post and this guy grabbed my butt” Kihyun stuttered out, twiddling his thumbs and staring at his feet.

“Who?” Shownu demanded, standing up straight his voice a growl. “I don’t know I think he lives in our block somewhere; I’ve seen him before” Kihyun added and Shownu’s glare grew more intense. “That’s it we are moving” Shownu concluded throwing his hands up in the air as Hoseok chuckled, a shadow of his usual high-pitched giggle that sent shivers down his spine. His eyes found Hyungwon who had dropped his book to the floor, ears standing to attention as he watched the chaos unfold, ready to comfort Hoseok at any second. “You aren’t going back to sweater vests” Hoseok whined, “Over my dead body” he added cracking a small smile. “Also don’t blame my clothes for creeps, blame creeps for being creeps” Hoseok said and Kihyun nodded finally feeling brave enough to look him in the eye “I’m sorry Hoseok that’s not what I meant” he said and Hoseok nodded in appreciation as Shownu wrapped an arm around Kihyun’s shoulder dragging him closer. “We’ll get this sorted” he said gravely as he nodded toward Hoseok and led Kihyun away.


	18. The Next Chapter

Kihyun blinked away the bright sunshine throwing his arms up to cover his face, “is it really morning already?” Kihyun complained and Shownu guffawed his breath warm on Kihyun’s neck as he’s hands snaked around his shoulders trailing featherlight kisses across every bare inch of skin. “Yes ducky” Shownu teased, “Come on I’ll drive you to work” he added pinching at Kihyun’s sides causing him to squirm and wriggle away. “Don’t you have a job?” Kihyun spat playfully, hitching an eyebrow as he moved out of Shownu’s grasp. “I work from home” Shownu retorted, moving across the bed with ease and wrapping himself around Kihyun like a large Koala. “But you aren’t ever at _home_ ” Kihyun whined, “You’re always at the office… I don’t need babysitting!” Kihyun added, his words harsh but his tone soft and loving as Shownu squeezed him tighter. “Who said I’m there for you?” Shownu teased, blowing into Kihyun’s ear just to be irritating now he had Kihyun pinned in place. “Oh” Kihyun said breathlessly, falling silent as he stared into Shownu’s deep brown eyes guiltily. “Sorry” he cooed, giving up and snuggling into Shownu. “It’s ok baby” Shownu said releasing him, “Let’s go before we’re late” he added shoving Kihyun off the edge of the bed with a giggle.

After a tense walk through the car park and a quiet ride to work Kihyun flopped down at his desk, musing on Shownu’s suggestion that they start looking for a new place, something that suits them both. Kihyun grinned to himself, how had they progressed so much in just a few months? He remembered the first time he saw Shownu, how breathtakingly gorgeous he was, how clumsy and irritating he was. Somethings never change he thought with a giggle as he gazed over at the empty bookcase with a sigh, he was finally coming to terms with his new life. The yearning for the comfort of the library was dissipating as he found himself easing into place in his new life, maybe one of these days he’d finally let his guard drop, finally allow himself to rely on Shownu.

*****************

“Eun-ho can I ask a favour?” Shownu stuttered hesitantly, Eun-ho raised his eyebrows smiling warmly as he shoved his laptop aside. “What’s up?” he asked his features softening as Shownu slunk down beside him awkwardly, “I was wondering if you could look this over for me” Shownu said shakily, gulping in an attempt to remove the nervous lump in his throat as he slid a blue folder across the table. Eun-ho’s eyes lit up as they flickered between the folder and Shownu’s face in disbelief. “Is this a manuscript?” he hummed as he gently opened in, his shoulders sagging as he shifted to get comfortable. Shownu watched as his eyes sparkled wildly as he seemed to drink in the words, the corners of his lips turning up in a small smile. “Sort of” Shownu started, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly as his shoulders and neck burned. Shownu took a wobbly breath, dragging air back into his lungs as Eun-ho stared up at him expectantly.

“I started it when I met Kihyun” Shownu began explaining, “I was supposed to be submitting lyrics, but I couldn’t think about anything else” he guffawed as his cheeks burned, “So I started this _story_ about a fairy and an angel…” Eun-ho took a sip of his coffee transfixed by Shownu’s words as he clutched the folder as if it was full of gold and diamonds. “I want… I want to gift it to Kihyun as an anniversary present, but you know him, I can’t give him a pile of paper, he’ll want a physical _book,_ he loves books” Shownu finished, fidgeting in his seat like a child submitting homework at school.

Eun-ho grinned back at him, his eyes soft and full of love as he thumbed through another few pages. “So what do you need from me?” Eun-ho asked and Shownu breathed a sigh of relief, “Well I’ll ask Hoseok to design me a cover and then if you can edit and produce me a single copy… well then it’d be perfect” Shownu beamed, his eyes twinkling with excitement, “I’d pay you for your time and resources of course!” he added suddenly panicking. Eun-ho snorted his coffee as he laughed aloud, causing Dan-I to glare at them suspiciously from her desk. “Like I’d charge you!” Eun-ho scolded, his eyes mischievous as he beamed at Shownu, “I think this is wonderful, perfect for Kihyun, of course I’ll do it” he said finally. Eun-ho shut the folder firmly tapping away on the plastic hesitantly.

“But” he said leaning forward, his tone causing Shownu’s stomach to drop and unease to bloom in his chest. “If I love this, this story… will you let me publish it officially?” Eun-ho finished leaning back and hitching an eyebrow. His expression was serious and Shownu spluttered struggling for air, as if he had just been hit in the stomach with a baseball bat. “I’m not an author” he managed eventually, still staring over at Eun-ho awestruck. Eun-ho just grinned wider, his eyes twinkling as he straightened his back and crossed his arms, “You’ve written beautiful lyrics that have been produced into works of art for the world to hear, this is the same thing” he soothed, his words had a sense of finality and Shownu realised he wasn’t really being given a choice. If an editor loves a story they will do everything in their power to share it with the world, why did Eun-ho have to channel Dan-I now instead of being the soft fluffball that he usually was. Shownu mused for a moment as Eun-ho stared at him with a stern look, awaiting his answer. _You can’t, this is personal_ Shownu’s inner voice screamed as he nibbled his lip nervously _but then so are most of my lyrics_ he reasoned although the listeners would never know the truth.

“Well you’ll have to come up with a pseudonym then” Shownu said finally and Eun-ho beamed back at him, grinning madly as he clapped his hand excitedly. “Leave it with me” Eun-ho said flicking the manuscript back open and fully immersing himself in the story as Shownu slowly crept away, avoiding Dan-I’s interested gaze and hopeful smile.

*************

Kihyun typed madly, his desk in uncharacteristic disarray with scraps of paper and post it notes littering every available surface. Shownu was sprawled out over the small corner sofa, his long legs hanging over the edge whilst they bickered about, well everything. “I’ve just moved in with you I don’t want to move again” Kihyun sighed, rubbing his temples as he struggled to multitask. “But my apartments too small, and there’s a literal creep nearby” Shownu whined, thrashing his arms irritably like a young child. “Your apartment is wonderful, and the world is full of creeps, I thought you were one… I thought you were a thief too” Kihyun added with a shy giggle as he avoided Shownu’s offended gaze. “me? Me!” he exploded with laughter dropping to his knees and smacking the ground, “I was too scared to even say hi to you!” he argued and Kihyun nodded in agreement. “I know I’m just saying. It’s not a good enough reason to move!” Kihyun clarified as Shownu righted himself, “Still I think we should, pick a place we both like. Get somewhere that’s _our_ place, not _my_ place” Shownu said thoughtfully as he squeezed Kihyun’s shoulder reassuringly making him abandon all attempts to work as he dragged Shownu closer, sealing their lips.

“Fine, but no top floor snooty apartments” Kihyun said, “We’ll look _after_ I’ve finished work!” he demanded finally sending Shownu off to sulk back on the chair in the corner. “But I like the view from up there” Shownu whined, pouting in a way that made Kihyun’s heart soar. “I’ve lived in one, it’s not that great” Kihyun sighed, secretly stealing glances at Shownu’s muscular frame around his laptop screen. “Well what do you want? An old farmhouse outside the city, alongside the river or something!” Shownu complained loudly as he brought up house listings on his phone, scrolling aimlessly. “Well at least we could raise our kids there” Kihyun said, his voice croaking as he snapped his mouth shut realising what he had just said. Shownu sat up instantly, whipping round to look at Kihyun with large astonished eyes, “Kids?” Shownu clarified and Kihyun melted into his hands his face scarlet as he stumbled over his words. “I didn’t… I don’t mean… I don’t want to scare you… it’s just.. ah” Kihyun groaned loudly before faceplanting his desk and letting out a few defeated grunts.

Shownu smiled brightly, watching his boyfriend have a nervous meltdown was somehow still adorable and he snuck closer, rubbing his back reassuringly. “Baby… I’m not scared of our future, I want a future _with_ you” he said with a giggle as Kihyun lifted his head, his eyes watery. “Really?” he hiccupped and Shownu nodded, beaming. “Please, tell me you don’t think you can get pregnant though… you know that’s not how it works right?” he teased and the next thing he knew the back of his head collided with the wall behind him as he crumpled up on the ground, his knees dangerously close to his face. “Hey!” Shownu protested and Kihyun glared down at him, his nostrils flared as his eyes wide as he glared at him. “I’m not an idiot!” he whined kicking out at his leg playfully before returning to his work.

*************

“What’s wrong with him?” Hyungwon asked his voice dripping with concern as he stepped over Shownu, who was lying on the ground like a statue, smiling giddily. “Kihyun said he wanted his babies” Hoseok responded from the other end of the room, sighing as he crumpled up a bit of paper and threw it in the general direction of the bin. “He knows he can’t do that right?” Hyungwon said with a snort as he plonked himself down on the sofa comfortably. “Yes I checked” Shownu said finally breaking his silence, butterflies dancing madly in his stomach. “Where am I going to find a house by the river?” he mused aloud, daydreaming about his life with Kihyun, and most likely Minhyuk too. He dreamed about puppies and Hoseok coming over dinner, Hyungwon on his arm.

“That doesn’t exist does it?” Hyungwon queried with a yawn and Shownu shook his head, “No I don’t think so” he said with a disappointed sigh. “You could build one” Hoseok added unhelpfully. “A whole house?” Hyungwon asked, hitching an eyebrow as he stared between Shownu and Hoseok dubiously. “I could… I could build one? I could build one!” Shownu spluttered dragging himself off the ground and slipping his coat on hurriedly, “Hoseok you genius!” he shouted before rushing out the door. “He’s not serious, right?” Hyungwon asked and Hoseok let out a sigh, “Probably, it is for Kihyun” he said with a grin. “Why do I feel like I’m going to be dragged into this?” Hyungwon said with a sigh, “The title of best friend comes with duties” Hoseok giggled in response.

*****************

Kihyun sat in the puppy palace, gently cuddling up to two smaller puppies with Hyungwon opposite him whilst Minhyuk darted around serving the last few customers. “Thank you for coming with me” Kihyun said and Hyungwon yawned lazily, “It’s ok Shownu didn’t want you travelling alone” he said with a shrug, “Where is he anyway?” Hyungwon asked as he supressed a knowing smile. “I don’t know he said he had to pop into work about something… he’s collecting me from here later” Kihyun said with a shrug as he repeatedly stroked along a fluffy set of ears calming his mind and soul.

“Hyungwon?” Kihyun asked shyly as he ignored the urge to fidget uncomfortably. “Have you spoken to Hoseok about… like your future yet?” Kihyun practically whispered dropping his head in shame as Minhyuk flopped down beside him. “I’d marry Woosung tomorrow if I could” Minhyuk said with a sigh, large puppy like eyes gleaming lovingly, “You can’t marry a man you barely know” Kihyun retorted judgingly and Hyungwon broke out into a large cheeky grin. “And you can’t birth Shownu’s children!” Hyungwon teased and Kihyun’s face drained of all colour, “I KNOW!” Kihyun practically shouted, “Why does everyone keep reminding me I don’t have a vagina?!” Kihyun spat but his friends were already rolling around in hysterics. “You said that?” Minhyuk laughed and Kihyun physically cringed. “No I didn’t!” Kihyun face-palmed, shaking his head as he sighed. “We were arguing about moving out and he suggested a house by the river, and I said at least we could raise OUR kids there!” he whined sinking further into his beanbag as he hid behind his hands. “I’m such an idiot” Kihyun grunted, kicking his feet.

“No you’re not, it’s cute plus Shownu was thrilled” Hyungwon said reassuringly dragging Kihyun’s arms away from his face, a small smile creeping back onto his face. “He was?” Kihyun grinned, roses blossoming on his cheeks. “He was” Hyungwon repeated and Minhyuk leaped on the opportunity, “You never answered Kihyun’s question” he spat nudging Hyungwon in the ribs until he smacked him around the back of the head, forcing him to stop. “Well… I don’t know is the honest answer” Hyungwon mused, “He’s made it clear I need to make the decisions, I have to make the first move” he said with a confident nod as Minhyuk’s eyes grew larger, “Wait… you guys aren’t? You haven’t?” he stuttered gasping as he clamped his hand over his mouth. “We are, dating that is. It’s just sort of been unofficial so long cause I was idol that it doesn’t feel real yet” he said with a tight smile. “But you have… you know?” Minhyuk asked ignoring Kihyun’s tuts of protest and burning stare.

“Minhyuk enough it’s no one’s business!” Kihyun protested but Minhyuk waved him away, “You’re just saying that cause you _still_ haven’t done Shownu!” he snapped, kicking his feet excitedly as he turned to Hyungwon. Hyungwon’s mouth fell open, his eyes wide as he tutted at Minhyuk with disbelief, “Out of everyone here, why would you assume I’m the boldest? The ex-idol?” Hyungwon said with a sigh, “No, he keeps calling me a fallen angel but refuses to let me _act_ like one” he said with a slight smirk. “Wow, I didn’t realise I was friends with a bunch of prunes” Minhyuk said crinkling his nose, “boring” he whined as he sat back. “It’s prudes” Kihyun corrected him, “and we aren’t all whores like you, what’s Woosung like?” Kihyun spat back sticking his tongue out childishly.

“Well actually… I don’t know. He’s just so kind and sweet and… well I don’t want to mess things up” Minhyuk spluttered turning a deep shade of burgundy. “And I’m not a whore!” Minhyuk added hastily breaking out of his loved-up daze to smack and kick at Kihyun relentlessly. “I knew you in college!” Kihyun warned, making a feeble attempt to protect himself with a small cushion, “and I knew YOU Kihyun, HALF the football team!” Minhyuk screamed as he threw a ball that let out a shrill squeak as it bounced off of the top of Kihyun’s head. “Football team?!” Hyungwon queried, smirking over at Kihyun whose face and neck was burning up at the memory. “Well?” Minhyuk said, “You’ve been in a relationship the longest. What’s stopping you with Shownu?” he asked finally his tone a little bit more serious as they all straightened themselves out staring at the door, as if their own love lives was some kind of forbidden topic.

“He’s just very… reserved. He’s always treating me like I’m made of glass like how do you politely tell someone you want them to _destroy_ you” Kihyun said with a shy giggle as Hyungwon nodded along in agreement, “When you figure that out let me know” Hyungwon grinned as Minhyuk puffed his chest out proudly, “You’ve just got to take control, be assertive, be _obvious_ ” he whined, rolling his eyes and Kihyun felt like he was back in high school gossiping with his best friends. “I sleep in the same bed how much more obvious can I be!” Kihyun argued and Minhyuk screeched back “BE NAKED” just as the bell rang out around them and Shownu entered the café, causing Kihyun to have another embarrassed meltdown whilst Hyungwon and Minhyuk cuddled together crying with laughter.

***************

Kihyun’s face was still a deep shade of pink when he got in the car silently, refusing to make dead eye contact with Shownu. “Should I even ask?” Shownu said stealing quick glances over at Kihyun whilst he was driving, “Ask what?” Kihyun murmured playing with his sleeves distractedly. “Who need to be naked and for what reason?” he said with a devilish grin as Kihyun physically shuddered and began gnawing at his lip anxiously. “Actually, don’t answer, I don’t want to know if its Hyungwon” Shownu added, a shiver running down his spine. “Maybe it is, you need to tell Hoseok to hurry up and defile the boy, might make him less grumpy” Kihyun joked, breathing a sigh of relief as he tried to forget the image of Shownu’s appalled face staring at him from the café doorway. “I don’t think defile is the right word for that” Shownu joked, the energy between them growing tense and awkward as Kihyun let out a nervous giggle. “I don’t care what you call it, they need to do it” Kihyun said, watching Shownu as he smiled goofily. His sharp jawline and soft pouty lips curved into a smirk as he nodded his head slightly along to the low buzz of the radio, “Hoseok won’t until Hyungwon does” Shownu said finally and then the car fell silent once more.

They walked hand in hand, Kihyun eyed the post boxes fearfully despite there being no figure lurking in the shadows tonight he recoiled instinctively pressing his body closer to Shownu’s. “Hey, it’s fine, we won’t be here much longer” Shownu said with a grin as he wrapped his hand around Kihyun’s waist holding him to his side until they were safely inside the flat. “You look gorgeous” Shownu stuttered awkwardly as he wrapped his arms around Kihyun’s shoulders holding him close as they eyes met, something unspoken and aching swirling around them. “Are we moving too fast?” Shownu asked clunkily, “Ahh… I’m sorry it’s just” Shownu’s words failed him as he shrugged staring at his feet when Kihyun grinned, “We live together, being honest shouldn’t be this hard… right?” Kihyun said with a little shrug and Shownu finally let go off the breath he was holding in. “No I don’t think it should be” Shownu said with a nervous chuckle as Kihyun gnawed his lip, his eyes unreadable as he thought intently.

“What are you thinking baby?” Shownu said brushing Kihyun’s hair away from his forehead as he stood with bated breath waiting for Kihyun’s response. “I don’t think we are moving too fast… too _slow_ in places actually…” he stuttered, “I don’t need to be babysat, I’m a fully capable grown man and I can look after myself” Kihyun said finally, “I just don’t want you to think I love you less because I enjoy being independent” he said with a sigh as he held his head high, a strong confidence appearing out of nowhere. “You love me?” Shownu practically squealed staring down at Kihyun with large confused orbs as he grinned madly, “Of course I do” Kihyun said planting a soft kiss on Shownu’s lips. Shownu snaked his arms around Kihyun’s neck dragging him closer, “I’m sorry I’m a bit overprotective” he chuckled, “I love you too” Shownu grinned tugging Kihyun into another deep passionate kiss.

“Whilst we’re being honest… I hate that devil cat that insists on sleeping between us” Shownu said with a shrug as Kihyun glared at him, “Versace is wonderful” he snapped sarcastically leaving no room for debate. “I want you to trust me, I’m not made of glass and I’m not some delicate little virgin either” Kihyun said as he chewed on his lip, fluttering his eyelids as he gazed up at Shownu his eyes full of want. “oh… _oh_ ” Shownu smirked, as he swooped Kihyun off his feet, carrying him to the bedroom door and slamming it shut, leaving Versace out of the sofa for the first night ever.


End file.
